To tell people to fuck off when they suggest...

[876TaylorMade]

Children "need" to get sick....

My DD has picked up a nasty virus...high fevers...clogged nose...the works. She has been irritable...only wants me...and not sleeping. DH tries...but she screams for me...then I spend the next hr or so pacing the floor...because sitting down is just too much for her

I'm 24 weeks pregnant ATM... I've been sleep deprived since she was born, she's only just started sleeping through at 14 months...I was getting used to some kind of sleep...being pregnant and all.

Now people I know with no children who keep saying this shit... I've had it! I know she has to get ill...and will pick up bugs...I would hope for this to happen later...I think sick babies/toddlers are possibly the worst. But they say it with such "know-it-all-ness" I can't stand it. It's such a struggle getting her to eat or take fluids. They have no idea just how hard it can be.

Maybe AIBU... I'm tired and I think I've picked up her cold or whatever it is so feeling crap at the moment.

But I do just want to say to them STFU!!!

sorry for the rant.

Just to say there are currently a few meningococcal outbreaks ...different strains and there have been casualties.. .So I'm on edge...as she isn't vaccinated. It's not offered by the Government...must pay for it privately...but there is a shortage... I've been on a waiting list. (We live in Australia)

Why does it make any difference that the people who are saying these things have no children? I have DC and would say the same as they are saying. It is the truth. They do need to get sick and yet it's tough but you will get the benefit in a few years to come. My DC caught all sorts of things from nursery: weekly colds, ear infections, conjunctivitis, molluscum contagious, chicken pox. Now DC are at school, hardly ever ill.

The baby will no doubt catch things from your DD, it's just part of parenthood.

Sorry to be snippy. It just sounds far more likely to me that your friends are trying, perhaps clumsily, to say something helpful and comforting rather than being deliberately offensive. In which case the OP seems pretty OTT.

But as you say Ditsy, I wasn't there, I could well be wrong.

We were the first of our friends to have kids too and it's very hard to swallow the bollocks (sounds rude) from those who fucking sleep all night

Remember though op this will pass and very soon you will be past all this and have 2 kids sleeping through and slightly older while all your smart friends will be in the throes of small baby hell.

Be sure to be there handing out advice won't you

I get it. And I am sorry your daughter is unwell, you must be exhausted, pregnancy is tiring enough as it is.

You know what, if someone never actually f
got ill, life would actually be better!!

It is perfectly normal to worry about serious illnesses even if they are rare.

I hope you and your daughter get some rest soon.

I do think it's galling for childless people to randomly give parenting advice sorry it is.

My dils friend helpfully told her that my dgs just needed a cuddle when he was screaming fir hours with colic. it's fucking tactless and annoying in another parent but if you have never had kids well just shut up. You can't voice opinions on things you have no knowledge or experience of.

Well except on mumsnet of course

They're dick heads and they need to mind they're own!

No adult that fuctions normally wants they're child to be ill and suffering and your right it usually feels far worse when they're babies or toddlers bless them because they can't understand why they feel the way they do and they can't tell you what hurts/what helps/how they feel and with you being pregnant and sleep deprived they picked a really stupid time to try and impart they're wisdom onto you even more so as they don't have children of they're own so really have no idea.

I hope your DD feels much better soon and that you can catch up on some sleep soon.

Giselaw - Well I don't think sending them before 3 is necessary unless you absolutely have to. While I'm fortunate to be a SAHM...and it does get intense but it's far better than her being sick...well since she started sleeping through.
I know its good for them to get sick..it builds immunity etc. I would just prefer that time to be when she is older. When she can at least talk...will drink water/juice and eat some food without too much effort fighting on my part . She's in pain..she's crying...she's miserable...she wants the breast, can't have it because she can't feed properly. even with saline and sucking out the snot.

I feel like telling them to F-off because it has been said to me repeatedly since she was 3 months old. "good way to get a break"is putting DD in nursery for a couple hours well intentioned I suppose...even after explaining the illness factor. I have seen how out of control illness in children can become...my sister was 2 and had an on & off fever and snotty nose... mum took her to the doctor etc. fever just wouldn't break...my sister had a seizure and basically died so it seemed in my mums arms...we lived close to a clinic and they gave her adrenaline to get her heart going again and she was taken to hospital in an ambulance. Got tested for the works... it all came back to the fever. And she was in nursery...from about 6 months and always sick... it was only my mum so she didn't have the luxury of being a SAHM.

Maybe that experience has made me more sensitive paranoid about these things.

I have big sympathy for you and but don't say FU out loud to your friends! My DS is 6 and still a germ bag it's hard. Scary too when they are younger and there is a possibility that it could be serious. However it will get easier

I would just prefer that time to be when she is older. When she can at least talk...will drink water/juice and eat some food without too much effort fighting on my part

Nobody gets a choice obviously. It is not always easier when they are older just because they can talk by the way. Getting older ill children to eat and drink is not a walk in the park either.

Illness can get out of control at home or nursery. Your DD will still be exposed to other germy children in baby or toddler groups.

Whenever you put your child in nursery or school, they will constantly get ill most probably, you are not avoiding it, merely delaying it.

Hope you both feel better soon

PM

I do think it's galling for childless people to randomly give parenting advice sorry it is.

Fair enough, unsolicited parenting advice is unwelcome whoever it's from, parent or not.

But it's hardly parenting advice in this case though is it? The OPs friends state that children need to be exposed to illness in order to develop immunity. Just scientific fact. And probably stated in an attempt to comfort and reassure. Sometimes people just reach for things to say in these situations.

I know I wasn't there, I'm just forming an opinion based on the limited information the OP provided. She posted in AIBU, and I say yes, YABU. Not to feel wrung out with everything that's going on at the moment, but to be taking it out on your friends.

GAH, nothing worse than a poorly baby when you're pregnant and sleep deprived.
Fill the bathroom with steam too and just sit in there with her to feed, it'll hopefully loosen the snot enough to suck out with your doofer.
Hope she's on the mend soon.
It's really easy to offer advice on a situation from the outside when you haven't lived it isn't it

No you shouldnt just tell people to fuck off. What do you expect people without children to say when you tell them their child is sick? You do realise they are just trying to keep their side of the conversation going by saying anything at all?

Gosh poor you, I totally get it. I have been known to keep my boy off school for the odd day when particularly nasty things are going round. It's an absolute nightmare when the whole house gets sick and you're right, people talk like it's no big deal. Of course children will get poorly but actively avoiding it is no bad thing for anyone. Also I really hope you get some sleep soon. My new baby is 3.5 months and has been sleeping through since 2 months and I am still exhausted so I feel for you.

but it isn't very pleasant to tell people to fuck off unless maybe they shagged your husband or something

OP, hang on in there!!!!! the first bugs are always the wprst. I know that's annoying to hear but so true. I tool DS1 to A&E for a vomiting bug once.

This shall pass. look after yourself

I wish baby sleeping pills existed sometimes, a nice glug of night nurse!

Just take comfort that someone will say the same shite to them when they are in your position. By which time you will be over the worst of it and most of the sleep deprivation.

You can say it too

Depends if you are on swearing terms with your friends - I am so would be no big deal for me to say STFU in your situation. Maybe some of your well meaning friends could take the baby off your hands for a couple of hours? If she is screaming and miserable with you then a couple of hours without you won't do her any harm and some head space might help you. I have 19 months between my older 2 so I have been where you are

I gave up taking my DD3 to M&T groups from age 1-2 because it was getting to the stage where almost every time we went one or other of us spent the following week recovering from whatever bug was going around. I am a SAHM and so she had very little other toddler exposure before age 3. She actually got less ill than most of the other DC she started state nursery with.

DS1 is seriously ill and really didn't need to get sick when he was little. Nearly every time he did he was hospitalised. Also it depends on what kind of sick. A cold, maybe. D & V, not so much.

I found that it is harder when older children get sick actually. Especially difficult when one is off sick, yet still has to do the school run because you have others...

I don't think in all honesty it's easy having a sick child at any time. And you worry. The worrying doesn't stop!

No children have come out my fag yet but I raised 5. So from someone who knows, kids do need to get sick to build a healthy immune system. Every cold or flu bug they get will give them immunity of that particular strain so as they grow older they will hopefully get less of them. Stuff like menigitis is tragic but it's rare and most common strands have a vaccine so we can do our best to prevent.

This isn't something to get ragey about-really it isn't.

Thanks again ladies.

Had a home visit from a doctor this evening.... She's slightly dehydrated. Red throat...red ears but not to the point of needing antibiotics.

HOW???? do you get a toddler to drink water/hydralite/juice... she's just not having it! She's also gone off the breast. Been told to watch her over the next 8hrs, offering about 40-50 mls an hour what a great night and if nothing changes back to A+E to get fluids up. She's been waking up with dry nappies.

@Nemosnemsis- I haven't told anyone my child is ill. These are things that come up in general conversations with these people....and now that she is ill I wonder why childless people would casually say shit like that... all the time!

@Whitelinen1- We don't go to nursery and We don't go to baby/toddler groups. My DH took her to the library when I was at the hospital for Rhyme Time. She's a tough child...a typical toddler... eats dirt and bugs so hardly precious and isn't wrapped in cotton. I know at any stage it is difficult...but IMO when they are older you can bargain with them.... I don't have to be struggling to get the nurofen/paracetamol food or water in. And yes I would rather delay all this until she's older.

@DailyFail1- Well at the moment there is an outbreak in Australia of the B & W strain with a few fatalities.... So I think I have reason to be very worried, especially after 5 days with no improvements.

@bigbuttons - Maybe its the pregnancy hormones, but I think it is. People tend to always have and give opinions to parents....its annoying!

*@Whitelinen1- We don't go to nursery and We don't go to baby/toddler groups. My DH took her to the library when I was at the hospital for Rhyme Time. She's a tough child...a typical toddler... eats dirt and bugs so hardly precious and isn't wrapped in cotton. I know at any stage it is difficult...but IMO when they are older you can bargain with them.... I don't have to be struggling to get the nurofen/paracetamol food or water in. And yes I would rather delay all this until she's older

Rhyme time is like a toddler group. She can catch stuff from anywhere regardless of you keeping her away from nursery. You can't necessarily bargain with them when they are older. You don't know what older DC are like. And there you were getting annoyed with people who don't have DC and no you can't delay it no matter how much you want to. Illnesses are inevitable. Just wait until your DD passes things onto your newborn!

She's only visited once... last week, first time in her life. We don't go to toddler groups... it's just us at home... in the garden on at the park in the evenings. We don't interact with other children... and that's not because I don't want to or the germ factors only.

I do know what older children are like, still a pain in the arse but far more tolerable than a sick toddler. And you can bargain in my experience. I'm from a large family. It's a lot easier with older children than babies and toddlers who don't really know why they feel crap or why I'm shoving paracetamol down her throat.

Matter of fact I have delayed it.. she's only ever been ill one other time and had the sniffles after long haul flights... But nothing this bad. Don't know where she'll pick stuff up to pass onto my newborn as it'll be the same routine... home.

And yes I am annoyed at people with no DC giving IMO smug opinions on things like these. It's an unpleasant experience for all involved.

It's 2am and I'm at it trying to give her liquids.

No point getting upset, it goes with the territory.
Don't say anything to the "wise" folks who give such advice, it's amusing to see how lt takes for them get the message that you don't have any fucks to give for their advice.