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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Relatives who "treat themselves" 2 weeks before Christmas.

75 replies

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 12/12/2016 21:59

Me and DH have relatives on both sides of family who are difficult to buy for - no hobbies, don't like jewellery/perfume/music/eating out/spa days etc. But they are v generous to DC (and to us ) so we like to get them decent gifts. But every year when we ask, they say "oh there's nothing we need/want" despite me saying " I'm not getting you nothing so if you do think of something let me know" - but they never do. So every year we wander round the shops looking for inspiration but end up getting gloves, scarves, slippers etc. Last year in-laws went and bought themselves a breadmaker the week before Christmas. I've spent today buying them the usual crap as there's nothing they want only to phone tonight to be informed " we've just bought one of those fancy coffee machines today" . sister also "doesn't want anything" but bought herself an iPad at the weekend! They know we can afford to buy them these things and they always pin me down for something specific for me, DH and DC - so why can't they just tell us so we can buy them something decent? AIBU?

OP posts:
throwingpebbles · 12/12/2016 22:06

I think this is probably the ultimate first world problem Grin

throwingpebbles · 12/12/2016 22:08

Maybe they always like what you choose for them?

FeckinCrutches · 12/12/2016 22:08

You're complaining because you can't spend hundreds of pounds on rejatives?

FeckinCrutches · 12/12/2016 22:09

Rejatives even!

FeckinCrutches · 12/12/2016 22:09

Fuck my fucking phone RELATIVES

dowhatnow · 12/12/2016 22:10

Vouvhers are the way forward.

dowhatnow · 12/12/2016 22:10

Oh it's catching feckin - vouchers

Bluntness100 · 12/12/2016 22:10

some people don't like to ask. I'm that person too. I do with my husband say what I want, but I'd rather have nothing or something crap than to name it to someone else. I can't explain it, I just can't do it.

DailyFaily · 12/12/2016 22:11

I would never expect anyone to spend that much money on me for a gift, maybe they feel similar, I'd be mortified if someone bought me an iPad whether I thought they were well off or not. Could you not use it as an opportunity - get sis an iPad accessory. Get in laws a recipe book and some nice ingredients in a hamper. Or get them a voucher for their favourite restaurant.

dowhatnow · 12/12/2016 22:11

But Blunt - then you are making them feel bad because they feel they are wasting their money.

ConvincingLiar · 12/12/2016 22:12

But them supplies? So coffee/iTunes voucher? It is annoying. DH and I agree not to buy much for ourselves in the month before birthdays/Christmas.

BunnyBunnyMooseMoose · 12/12/2016 22:13

I totally get you, this is exactly what my dad does!! Grin
He is really into music and books so in theory he'd be easy to buy for, except he just goes and gets it for himself. Four days before his birthday. A week before Christmas. Every. Single. Year.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 12/12/2016 22:13

Yes - very first world! They are so good to us and saved us a fortune in child care when DC were young so I would love to treat them. I know they don't particularly like what we buy as most of the time they arent used so it seems a bit of a waste of money - I would rather spend a bit more on something they would like - like a coffee machine!

OP posts:
oldsilver · 12/12/2016 22:14

DP and DS are not allowed to buy themselves anything before Christmas or Birthdays and I have promised to do the same Smile

Treating yourself is not an option when we all struggle to know what to get each other.

SausageSoda · 12/12/2016 22:14

I'd never dream of asking a relative to buy me an iPad or expensive coffee machine regardless of if they could afford to or not. I'd feel cheeky. Maybe that's it? Vouchers for a nice restaurant or theatre/concert might be the way forward?

FlouncingInAWinterWonderland · 12/12/2016 22:15

I'd be happy to put myself up for adoption to your family - I promise I could produce a list of wants Grin

I do believe my mother can top your relatives in being bloomin awkward though. If you spend too much she is disgusted and its excess, to little its an insult and you undervalue her, full price for something you should take it back and wait for the sales. I started buying her lovely gift sets of face creams that she coveted but wouldn't buy for herself. I thought I'd mastered the gift giving to her then one day she blew up,at me that I'm always insinuating shes old because I buy her face creams.

Anatidae · 12/12/2016 22:15

Gift vouchers for somewhere like John Lewis, so they have a big choice, plus a token small thoughtful thing. Sorted. Nice card, thoughtful message inside.

MatildaTheCat · 12/12/2016 22:18

Maybe they really don't want you to spend so much even though you'd like to. How about taking them out for a nice meal or the theatre but something all together? Or hiring a cottage for a week/end and inviting them to come as guests of honour?

A coffee machine is a fairly dull if generous gift, get creative. If you have the budget you could do something amazing.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 12/12/2016 22:19

They never eat out. They spend quite a lot on our DC so I don't think its the amount. They let us buy them things - just not at Christmas it seems - for example, we knew they needed a new TV so we got them one in the summer and they were delighted with it. We offered and they accepted. I think it is the thing of not wanting to ask - although they really pin me down to tell them something for all of us as they find it stressful to know what we would like!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 12/12/2016 22:21

Maybe they really don't want you to spend so much even though you'd like to.

dowhatnow · 12/12/2016 22:22

Experiences would be good, or money with the insistance that it has to be spent and you are looking forward to hearing about exactly what it is they spent it on.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 12/12/2016 22:23

Honestly - my in-laws go nowhere other than Sainssbury's - no meals out, cinema, theatre etc. A weekend away would be like asking them to chop an arm off. I got them vouchers once (Debenhams thinking that would be pretty safe) and they gave them back to my DC as they couldn't see anything they wanted.

OP posts:
dowhatnow · 12/12/2016 22:24

Or "I'll tell you when you tell me" type conversations.

I like the idea of spending the money on something you can all do together.

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 12/12/2016 22:26

I think feckin could do with a new phone if you fancy getting her a little something salt

Grin
saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 12/12/2016 22:26

Flouncing Grin

OP posts: