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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Relatives who "treat themselves" 2 weeks before Christmas.

75 replies

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 12/12/2016 21:59

Me and DH have relatives on both sides of family who are difficult to buy for - no hobbies, don't like jewellery/perfume/music/eating out/spa days etc. But they are v generous to DC (and to us ) so we like to get them decent gifts. But every year when we ask, they say "oh there's nothing we need/want" despite me saying " I'm not getting you nothing so if you do think of something let me know" - but they never do. So every year we wander round the shops looking for inspiration but end up getting gloves, scarves, slippers etc. Last year in-laws went and bought themselves a breadmaker the week before Christmas. I've spent today buying them the usual crap as there's nothing they want only to phone tonight to be informed " we've just bought one of those fancy coffee machines today" . sister also "doesn't want anything" but bought herself an iPad at the weekend! They know we can afford to buy them these things and they always pin me down for something specific for me, DH and DC - so why can't they just tell us so we can buy them something decent? AIBU?

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 12/12/2016 23:29

Gift bag full of treats? Bottles of wine/beer/champagne/prosecco. Coffee beans/pods. Fancy flours for the bread maker. Then add things you know they like: posh biscuits, jam, marmalade, chutney, spices & sauces, Percy Pigs, pickled onion monster munch!

TheStoic · 12/12/2016 23:30

Some people feel very uncomfortable and grabby asking for specific things from other people. I know I do, and so does my family.

It may be trickier for you, but don't ask them anymore. They obviously already appreciate what you choose for them.

Notnownornever · 12/12/2016 23:32

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GardenGeek · 12/12/2016 23:44

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GardenGeek · 12/12/2016 23:45

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Ohyesiam · 13/12/2016 08:45

Ask them if you can pay for the coffee machine?

formerbabe · 13/12/2016 09:32

Just get them some good wine and expensive chocolates.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/12/2016 09:45

Posh mugs, coffee pods and some liqueurs to make boozy coffees for the coffee machine lot, all in a nice hamper

A big fat iTunes voucher for the iPad owner.

Job done. They've virtually told you what they want!

grannytomine · 13/12/2016 09:45

My kids say I am hard to buy for. I don't want much, not big on material goods, don't drink or smoke. However, they never, ever buy the chocolates I like!!! Apparently because I buy them myself sometimes they are no good as presents. I keep saying buy me an Amazon voucher, I love it if I get one and have some money sitting there so I can buy a book I fancy without feeling guilty for wasting money but no vouchers aren't good enough. You can't help some people.

user1471505356 · 13/12/2016 10:31

Give a donation to a charity on their behalf, a goat for Africa?

AlcoChocs · 13/12/2016 10:44

Maybe they enjoy the process of buying themselves stuff, comparing prices and thinking about exactly what model/colour to get, checking warranties etc.
If someone asks what you want for a present you can't really be that specific, and you miss out on the pleasure of choosing for yourself.

SapphireStrange · 13/12/2016 11:06

difficult to buy for - no hobbies, don't like jewellery/perfume/music/eating out/spa days etc.

What do they do, then? Confused

trappedinsuburbia · 13/12/2016 11:15

A nice hamper from Marks and Sparks or Sainsburys if they do them?

Windanddrizzle · 13/12/2016 11:16

I would not want my DC to spend their money on me - I am delighted with gifts like posh tea or mugs. I am very specific about the more expensive things I buy so wouldn't want someone else to choose for me. Maybe your ILs are similar.

RandyMagnum2 · 13/12/2016 11:20

I don't particularly like getting presents from people, or asking for anything specific, I earn enough so that anything I want, I just buy it.

WiltingTulip · 13/12/2016 11:21

Maybe you're all financially able to buy yourselves what you fancy so you should agree to limit your gifts to a certain small amount and buy yourselves what you really want as you want it?

haveacupoftea · 13/12/2016 11:21

If they dont want you to buy them things just respect their wishes. Get them vouchers or something.

CozumelFox · 13/12/2016 11:54

Maybe they just don't want you to buy such a luxury item?

If I want something like an iPad, I'd save and buy it myself and that would make me feel good about it. To be given it by someone else would make me feel quite bad - it's very expensive, I'd feel indebted to them, I'd wonder why they spent so much, it'd all feel quite awkward and weird.

Count yourself lucky, my mum's given me a wishlist of such luxury items the queen would be agog, even though she gets my gifts from Superdrug only.

throwingpebbles · 13/12/2016 12:03

Totally agree wilting

GoneGirl1234 · 13/12/2016 12:11

If they like wine how about a naice case of wine from somewhere really posh like Berry Bros? We got the Xmas special for my ILs last year, it was around £100 for a case.

EastMidsMummy · 13/12/2016 12:21

a new pillow is a real treat

Wow. Worst treat ever. A pillow??!

Esmereldada · 13/12/2016 12:21

You could make a healthy donation in their name to a charity that chimes with them.

GooseFriend · 13/12/2016 19:36

My inlaws see this sort of generosity as passed forwards - their folks were generous to them, they are to us, we will be to our kids etc etc

Maybe they're like that too?

HomeIsWhereTheGinisNow · 13/12/2016 19:39

How about something fun that you could do together? My dad is impossible to buy for so for his 60th we took him out to Le Gavroche, which went down quite well...?

Patchouli666 · 13/12/2016 21:04

If they like sainsburys, do them a hamper. Buy the basket and fill it with things they like but the nicer versions of.

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