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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to move out of our room?!

46 replies

Msqueen33 · 12/12/2016 19:57

Just that. We have kids aged between 8-4. The younger two have autism. Up until recently our middle DC would wake up. Since we've taken the dummy off the youngest she is now a horrific sleeper. It takes over an hour to get her to sleep (I have to sit on her bed as husband isn't home) then tend to the older two. Youngest then wakes between 12/2am and comes into our room and either sleeps (but we get shoved out the bed) or is up and hyper all night. I've suggested having her sleep in our bed and dh or I have her single bed just so her sleep is consistent. She's non verbal and has limited understanding. I'm running on limited patience as I'm a very light sleeper and she wakes me or she's up completely hyper all night.

My mum seems to be expecting us to dtd a lot but I need sleep. Youngest is really hard work and I'm falling into a doze at 6pm on the sofa.

Is this crazy?

OP posts:
Sweets101 · 12/12/2016 19:59

Your mum??! What's it got to do with her?!

Personally i'd give your daughter back her dummy.

Lunaballoon · 12/12/2016 20:00

Your mum expects you to dtd? Eh? What's it got to do with her?

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 12/12/2016 20:02

Why have you taken the dummy away? Sounds unwise.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 12/12/2016 20:03

Would giving the dummy back to the youngest not take some of the pressure off?

gamerchick · 12/12/2016 20:05

Give the dummy back. Life's hard enough!

HaveNoSocks · 12/12/2016 20:05

I would do whatever it takes to get more sleep personally. And maybe your mum should offer to do something helpful or keep her nose out!

Princecharlesfirstwife · 12/12/2016 20:08

My mother has never expressed any interest in DH and my nocturnal activities.

Do whatever it takes to get a decent bit of sleep.

rollonthesummer · 12/12/2016 20:09

Why is your mother expecting you to have sex-what on earth has it got to do with her?

What has that got to do with the title of your post as well??

StarryIllusion · 12/12/2016 20:09

Oh just let her have the bloody dummy at night. She is only 4, she'll grow out of it eventually.

WhataHexIgotinto · 12/12/2016 20:12

Your mum? Am I missing something, what has this got to do with your mum?

Batteriesallgone · 12/12/2016 20:12

Don't see why your mums opinion matters.

Everyone should sleep wherever maximises the sleep for everyone. If that's DH in a different room and you and DD in the 'master' bed, go for it.

They'll grow, things will change. Just do what you can to get rest!

Arfarfanarf · 12/12/2016 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1471517900 · 12/12/2016 20:21

I presume you meant DH when you said mum right? Quite the Freudian slip mind you

sansoucitherednosedcariboo · 12/12/2016 20:25

"dth" = ditch the dummy or do the deed?

Don't kick your DH out of bed. The last thing you need is more stress on your marriage. Imagine trying to cope as a single parent...

sansoucitherednosedcariboo · 12/12/2016 20:26

Sorry. meant to say DTD.

BakeOffBiscuits · 12/12/2016 20:31

Give the dummy back, it's really not worth your time and her upset.

BakeOffBiscuits · 12/12/2016 20:32

I would ask DH's to leave the bedroom, especially if he's asking for sex all the time.

Sleep is more important than sex!

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 12/12/2016 20:33

My mum seems to be expecting us to dtd a lot but I need sleep.

I need brain bleach. And fast.

Envy
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 12/12/2016 20:38

Did you mean mum or man? I'm confused. Hearing how tough you and DH must be finding life, I can't think that sleeping apart would be good for your marriage. A couple need time to bond, even if DTD may seem too tiring atm.

Artandco · 12/12/2016 20:40

Can't you and Dh stay in same room and let 4 year old join you? We have a super king bed and it fits Dh and I, plus a 5 and 6 year old.
You could also look at just making a giant bed my adding single to one side. I wouldn't want Dh in a different room and it sounds like in your situation it's not a temporary one week thing but maybe years

JsOtherHalf · 12/12/2016 20:40

The Cerebra charity have an online and telephone sleep counselling program if that would help?
It's for children 16 or under with various disabilities, including ASD.

w3.cerebra.org.uk/help-and-information/sleep-service/

Original poster
Msqueen33 · 12/12/2016 20:40

No my mum made a comment when I said about how dh falls asleep on the sofa and she commented on how that must affect our sex life. Believe me I do not discuss it with my mother. Sadly she has quite the habit of sticking her nose into everything.

I see sleep has addled my brain. Sex life is non existent as we both go to bed at different times and we're both shattered.

I'm currently sat with her in our bed trying to get her to sleep. At this point I'd do anything for some sleep.

OP posts:
Original poster
Msqueen33 · 12/12/2016 20:42

When she does join us she ends up shoving us out the bed and we're to desperate for sleep to move her. Dh has a bad shoulder and woke this morning with it hurting as he'd slept awkwardly.

I have a form to fill in from the sleep people.

OP posts:
Petalbird · 12/12/2016 20:44

Why was the dummy taken off the youngest if they're not ready to sleep without it?

Sparlklesilverglitter · 12/12/2016 20:48

What the hell has your sex life got to do with your mother? Your not married to your mother so no concern of hers really

Can the youngest not have the dummy back? As it helps them sleep better. I'd give it back