To ask DH to move out of our room?!

[Msqueen33]

Just that. We have kids aged between 8-4. The younger two have autism. Up until recently our middle DC would wake up. Since we've taken the dummy off the youngest she is now a horrific sleeper. It takes over an hour to get her to sleep (I have to sit on her bed as husband isn't home) then tend to the older two. Youngest then wakes between 12/2am and comes into our room and either sleeps (but we get shoved out the bed) or is up and hyper all night. I've suggested having her sleep in our bed and dh or I have her single bed just so her sleep is consistent. She's non verbal and has limited understanding. I'm running on limited patience as I'm a very light sleeper and she wakes me or she's up completely hyper all night.

My mum seems to be expecting us to dtd a lot but I need sleep. Youngest is really hard work and I'm falling into a doze at 6pm on the sofa.

Is this crazy?

Have you tried your youngest on melatonin? Without a word of exaggeration, it changed our lives. DS (6, also autistic) copes so much better at school now he gets a bit of kip on a night.

In the meantime, I would seriously give her the dummy back! As gamerchick said, life's hard enough.

Can you and DH take turns in her bed so that you both get a decent night's sleep at least once every other night?

Why did you give up the dummy!?

I personally don't think asking your DH to move out of the room completely is the best solution if you've always slept together. My DPs exW moved in to kids room with them as they slept and that was the beginning of the end of their relationship.

I'm with PP's - give youngest the dummy back if it helps. If she's got limited understanding and is autistic then TBH "normal" rules in dummies and whatever can go out the window. It can't be good for her to be up and about in the night either - far better for you all to get a full night's rest.

Also does it matter even if an adult uses a dummy at night? No one apart from family would see anyway

I'm autistic - honestly, give her back her comfort object and leave her to it!

Could you try the enormous family bed thing so you can sleep even if the kids join you?

Speech therapist told us to give it up. To be honest it's the worst thing I've done. I'm off to see her paed on Tuesday to beg for melatonin. As I just can't cope anymore.

My mother is to interfering and far from helpful unless it suits her. She always has an opinion even when the reality is completely different to most others. I'm very tempted to give the dummy back at night as her behaviour is now so much worse without it.

Dh wasn't keen on separate rooms but I figure someone needs to get some sleep and as he's working it should be in.

Really feel for you. Sleep counsellors can be amazing, they work magic and teach you how to work magic, too. Melatonin can be a godsend, too, definitely try it. I might be the only one with you on taking the dummy... she may be 4 now but I know an 18 yr old autistic lad still with a dummy. And I'm all for whatever helps these kids with how difficult life is for them, but there is just something that makes me sad to see an adult with a dummy in his mouth. But, I would do what it takes for now, dummy or no dummy, and tackle it all with the sleep counsellor.

can you put your mother in a separate room from you, all the time? With a dummy?

What did the speech therapist say about the dummy does she or he think you should give it back to her?

I don't know how I can help you. You are a good mum thinking about your whole family and if he wants to stay close to you. At least you have given him that option so you don't feel guilty. Young children tend to go to mums for that emotional support even if its a tantrum. Maybe you could give the dummy away to the fairy dummy and give her something to replace what you have taken. Give her something new to use as a comfort if you know what I mean.

10 year old dd here still sucks her thumb to get to sleep.

My DD1 sucked her thumb until 8/9 ish. She also had a bit of a lisp and people urged us to make her ditch it. I refused, my mantra was 'she won't be sucking her thumb when she goes to uni' and she wasn't. She gave it up in her own time and her lisp went away. She also became a grade 8 vocalist.

Let your DD have her dummy if she wants it. She almost certainly won't need it when she is old enough to leave home and if she does - so what? People have worse habits.

My 8 year old still sucks her thumb I keep on telling her it will fall off but she won't listen. Forget pepper she like hot food.

Does your mother live with you?

Be kind to yourselves

Give the dummy back, tell your mum to keep her nose out

God, I wish I was your mum! I'd have the bed all freshly made, and some new jammies laid out for you, and some nice bath stuff so you could have one night of peace.

That is the sweetest thing I have read on mumsnet.