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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DPs to get taxi rather than us making huge long out of way journey

42 replies

rookiemere · 12/12/2016 17:54

I suspect AIBU, but its safer to vent here than elsewhere.

Lots of backstory which I won't bore you with, but effectively elderly DPs have asked us to drive them somewhere which is 2hrs out of our way whilst we are on holiday.

I phoned up a local cab firm and got a great fare offered of £40(its not a 2 hr drive, it's just because of where we are and where we want to be) . They ummed and ahhed and said what a great expense £40 was. I would happily pay it myself as we have limited time, but it seems a bit silly to offer as they seriously have loads of money, but just can't seem to get their head around the cost of things.

I know that I should just be the bigger person and suck it up as they are extremely generous to us, and in the end after speaking to them, we've come up with a solution that means we'll only be 1.5 hrs out of our way . But I guess I'm just annoyed about the generational thing - they don't seem to appreciate that we have very limited time off and we're already going to be spending about 7 hrs travelling with them the day before, so it's not that we won't be spending time with us.

OP posts:
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 12/12/2016 17:56

YANBU I'd book them the cab and pre pay it just for a quiet life.

Original poster
rookiemere · 12/12/2016 17:57

But I think they don't want to take the cab. They have funny views about taxis and I felt guilty suggesting it as it was clear that they expect us to drive them there.

OP posts:
EweAreHere · 12/12/2016 18:00

Book them the taxi.

They are being ridiculous.

I really don't get people sometime. Their 'funny views' about taxis doesn't trump your desire not to waste your time and money (fuel, wear and tear) and patience on an unnecessary trip because they can't sit in someone else's car.

NiceFalafels · 12/12/2016 18:01

How frustrating. Can you point out that you will have just driven 7 hours the day before so don't think you would have the stamina. It would probably cost you 16 in petrol anyway, so it's only 25 more.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 12/12/2016 18:03

I hear you. However if they are unable to transport themselves and you transporting them would add another long drive to some already big chunks of driving then they are BU expecting you to do it when there's a reasonably priced option in taking a taxi. As with all family matters I guess you will have to decide what is best long term, so will they complain forever if you don't drive them!?

Original poster
rookiemere · 12/12/2016 18:08

They won't complain JohnLapsley, but there are other relatives involved and I know that they will probably talk about it amongst themselves and we would be judged for it, and I'd feel guilty as they are very financially generous.

I guess that's the bit I don't get. We get regular updates on their finances and as I say they are more than generous to us, £40 is excellent value for the distance. maybe I should just have gone ahead and pre-booked and pre-paid it.

OP posts:
cloudchasing · 12/12/2016 18:09

Exactly what Ewe said - their issues are their problem really! It's not them that are doing the driving, is it?

CMOTDibbler · 12/12/2016 18:13

YANBU, and I know where you are coming from - my dad had similar views on taxis and would much rather I made a 4 hour trip (plus waiting) to take him to hospital on his frequent trips. But after the first trip where I did book and prepay it, he has conceded that it does make sense.

I have also learnt that people can judge all they like, if they aren't willing to do stuff themselves they can bog off.

Original poster
rookiemere · 12/12/2016 18:19

I guess it's a bit surprising too as DPs are generally fairly reasonable people and don't like to inconvenience us. I'm just rather surprised that they can't see what they want is a big ask and the alternative is fairly cheap and reasonable.

I'll wait until DH is home to discuss it with him. Can't say he'll be thrilled with all the extra driving, but he is generally has more tolerance than me where my DPs are concerned, so it's likely we'll do it.

OP posts:
OreosOreosOreos · 12/12/2016 18:26

Elderly people are funny about things like taxis and trains though. My elderly aunt booked a train from where I live (an hour away from her), then asked that I come and get her and take her to the train station in my town.

She could have had a taxi from where she lives, or taken the train and changed at my town, but she was scared of doing the whole journey and wanted someone to see her safely onto the train.

I took 2.5 hours out of my day to do it for her, because she did a lot for me growing up , and it meant a lot to her.

On the other hand if it had have been a different aunt I probably would have booked them the taxi! Wink

BertrandRussell · 12/12/2016 18:28

"Elderly people are funny about things like taxis and trains though."

Are they?

RandomMess · 12/12/2016 18:30

If he has driven 7 hours to get there the day before he needs a day off tbh! Driving is so tiring.

cloudchasing · 12/12/2016 18:30

I'm a taxi radio operator and a good 50% of our custom is elderly people.

Original poster
rookiemere · 12/12/2016 18:40

We can share the driving - although Dh finds me driving more stressful than actually driving himself Xmas Grin.

OP posts:
Original poster
rookiemere · 12/12/2016 18:41

Also its 7hrs of travelling but not 7 hrs continuous driving, so it could be worse.

OP posts:
Theoretician · 12/12/2016 18:42

I get this all the time. DW expects me to do things for her relatives and friends that I would pay someone else to do if it was for me.

If I need to go to/from Heathrow, I take public transport. If she or any of our relatives do, I have to drive them.

I would never again move myself, but somehow I had to help her friend move house.

On one Heathrow run occasion, I knew there was a traffic problem in West London, so suggested lift to catch Paddington Express instead. That was unacceptable. Spent 3.5 hours making the 45 minute journey, arrived in Heathrow drop-off zone half an hour before take-off of long-haul flight. If relative hadn't found someone to help her jump the check-in queue, she would have missed her flight. All-in-all, I had a five hour round trip, so that relative didn't have to make a 1 hour one by public transport.

You can't offer to pay, because they couldn't possibly except money from you. Apparently time and effort is free, so you should be happy to give infinite amounts of it.

RedHelenB · 12/12/2016 18:43

If they are more than generous with you couldnt you suck it up this time and do it their way?

Original poster
rookiemere · 12/12/2016 18:47

Redhelen - that is effectively what we are doing, but I am allowed to moan a bit on here am I not?

Theoretician - that's the rub of it You can't offer to pay, because they couldn't possibly except money from you. Apparently time and effort is free, so you should be happy to give infinite amounts of it.. I think it's one of those love language things.

DH is a contractor so doesn't take huge amount of holidays as it costs us financially. If it was just my time I'd just shrug my shoulders, but he's keen to do a bit of sightseeing and this will impact on that.

OP posts:
Theoretician · 12/12/2016 18:47

I don't usually find driving stressful. Several hours London to Cornwall is not a problem. Stuck in traffic in Chiswick, moving less than a mile in an hour, helplessly watching the minutes tick down before a £1000 flight is missed, is a different matter.

Shitonyoursofa · 12/12/2016 18:51

My 70 yo mum won't get taxis. Never been able to work out why. If she's going somewhere on a train (which she will avoid if there's any chance of a lift instead) someone from the family has to take her to the station, and then someone has to pick her up the other end. I have suggested a taxi on several occasions and been met with 'oh no I'm not doing that, X can drop me off / pick me up'. Which on many occasions has meant various family members going hugely out of their way or having to give her a lift at inconvenient times or rearrange their day to do so. It even extends to me when I go and visit...if I arrive by train she ropes in whoever is around to come and get me, even though I try and insist on getting a cab. Have never managed to get her to explain why taxis are out of bounds!

happychristmasbum · 12/12/2016 18:52

You are being ridiculous OP - you sound as if you are worried they will be talking about you!! How old are you??? Grin

Just book the taxi and forget about it. If they don't want a taxi they will have to make other arrangements.

RedHelenB · 12/12/2016 18:53

OK fine keep moaning lol!

Original poster
rookiemere · 12/12/2016 18:57

Bertrand - some older people are definitely funny about getting taxis. Or they may have been funny about getting them all their lives, but it only becomes obvious when they refuse to get a cab and instead insist on some sort of arrangement that seems overly tiring and/or a burden on others.

We had DM's friend to stay and she was lovely, but had a punishing schedule of things on whilst she was here in festival season.

I pointed out the bus routes, but suggested if she was coming back late she might want to get a cab ( cost of less than £10) as she'd had such a long day and might be tired. Instead she got the bus, got lost making her way to our house and DH had to go out and hunt her down at around 11.00pm. She also refused to get a cab to the airport and instead got a bus into town then another one out to the airport , which probably wasn't dissimilar to the cost of a cab.

It's my aunt who has suggested this trip. Again lovely but last time on holiday they refused to take the direct flight to wherever they were going and instead took one with a plane change as it was £50 cheaper for the two of them, never mind they are both in their 70s and the cheaper trip took 4 hrs longer.

Sigh, I hope it's not hereditary and I become like that when older.

OP posts:
icy121 · 12/12/2016 19:00

God my MIL was a bit like this... all "I'll get a taxi" (2 hour journey to plus) reality: either me or DP ended up doing 4 hour trips to get her. Thankfully she's too old now to want to travel, we offer, she declines. Win-win.

BackforGood · 12/12/2016 19:04

I don't think it's a generational thing.
I have to say I never get taxis - I've driven since I was 17, I live in a City and can get buses and trains. Almost everyone I know drives, so I don't always have to drive, but I don't mind driving at all. It would never occur to me to get a taxi. I can't remember the last time I did get a taxi....it's certainly over 10 years ago.
However, my elderly neighbours get a taxi every time they have a hospital appt (frequently) as they have both had to give up driving. I don't think it would cross their minds for a long distance though.