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Original poster

My friend thinks I stole from her house I am staying in

62 replies

user1481556369 · 12/12/2016 15:35

This probably is not in the right section but I wanted several opinions.
I am staying with my friend due to leaving my abusive husband a month ago.
She is always at her boyfriends house 9/10.

Today she has asked me if I have seen her boyfriends expensive pair of vintage sunglasses which she apparently left on the window seal. I told her no and she said she defiantly left them there and they were there before I came.

I started thinking and thought maybe my cat may have knocked it off the window seal because she likes to sit there and several times I have had to fish her photos from the bin becuase my cat had knocked them in there.
She said no I would have noticed.

I offered to pay for them for her and she said its not about the money its about them being rare.

Now I can sense a vibe from her. I honestly have no idea where they are.

She knows I have money so I have no reason to steal, I am even lending her 5k so she can get plastic surgery and I she is obviously doing a big thing allowing me to stay in her house I would never steal from her but it does look suspicious considering she is claiming they were here before I got here.

How do I handle this?

OP posts:
MaxPepsi · 12/12/2016 15:56

Uncharitable thought from me, but does your friend see you as a cash cow?

She invents these non existent sunglasses in order to get her bf a very nice Xmas present?

Damselindestress · 12/12/2016 15:57

Sorry missed your response saying not to ask about the money because of the name change.

Goingtobeawesome · 12/12/2016 15:57

Definitely don't lend the £5k. If she is giving out a vibe as she thinks you stole from her boyfriend do you think she'll do the right thing and pay you back?

Rubies12345 · 12/12/2016 15:58

There's no point in staying there if she's just gonna lose things and accuse you of stealing them.

Oh and lending friends money always ends in tears

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 12/12/2016 16:00

I think you risk never seeing that £5k once you've given it to her. You don't recall seeing the glasses, so you can't be sure they were ever there, or even exist.

Whatever the backstory, I do think you need to be very careful about lending that money. Make sure the loan is written down and a repayment schedule included. And both of you sign it. Better still, don't lend.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 12/12/2016 16:00

OP are you quite a soft touch anyway? I think you need to be standing up for yourself, just because you are living at her house does not make you the fall guy.

Arfarfanarf · 12/12/2016 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blueskyinmarch · 12/12/2016 16:04

So she thinks her boyfriend left them on the window sill a month ago and is asking about them now? I assume you have never seen any sunglasses lying around? I reckon her bf has mislaid them and thinks that is where he last recalls seeing them. If the sunglasses actually exist they are probably somewhere else.

I would not have offered to pay for new ones, it makes to look guilty. Presumably even if you had borrowed them, you would known where they were and would have given them back.

Like other have said i would not be loaning her £5K and i would use the money to move elsewhere.

Arfarfanarf · 12/12/2016 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pipsqueak25 · 12/12/2016 16:05

sorry but this sounds very iffy in every sense tbh, staying in f's house, offering to pay for something you know nothing about ? lending her money that could be put to better use for your future ? really think you need to think a bit more on this, doesn't sound 'like family' to me unless you know something we don't.

JustanotherMortificado · 12/12/2016 16:05

She doesn't trust you ffs. And you really are stupid if you you lend her 5k. She's hardly a friend if she thinks you're a thief!! Get out while you can she probably knows you have money and is taking you for a twat.

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 12/12/2016 16:05

Are you sure the 'friend' is fine to repay you? This reeks, quite frankly, and it's all from her side.

Please get any loan you give her noted and signed so she cannot avoid repayment.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/12/2016 16:06

Another one saying move out and don't pay for these sunglasses. You didn't take them so it's not your responsibility to pay for them.

Just tell her that, on balance, you think it better that you move out and that the relationship is kept at more of a distance from this point on. Or just say that you will need that lending money to find your own place instead.

She's not a friend to you, a friend wouldn't accuse you like this.

Imknackeredzzz · 12/12/2016 16:06

she isn't a friend - simple. Honestly your being very naive lending her 5k- doubt you'll get it back. Honestly don't, seriously

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/12/2016 16:07

You seem to have walked straight from the hands of an abusive partner into the home of a manipulative friend. Sad She should not have asked or accepted your offer of a loan for such a large amount.

I think it's unacceptable to accuse a friend of stealing, which is what she has done. It shows she has no trust in you. This is what she thinks of you.

Well done for walking away from an abusive relationship. Being bullied or controlled leaves your self esteem and confidence on the floor. The last thing you need is to be belittled by a friend and made to feel guilty.

You deserve better. Flowers

JustanotherMortificado · 12/12/2016 16:09

5k can help build you a future.. instead it's paying for a fake friends fake tits.

WaryMary · 12/12/2016 16:10

It would make me suspicious that you'd offered to pay for them,

I wouldn't offer to pay for something unless I had something to do with its disappearance,

Not saying you have, but it would make me think you had

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 12/12/2016 16:11

Leave and don't lend her the money.

Let her pay for her own tits. Angry

Ilovenannyplum · 12/12/2016 16:11

Err move out Hmm

If you have money then what's stopping you?

19lottie82 · 12/12/2016 16:12

I'm not meaning that you did take them, but why on earth would you offer to pay for them if you didn't?

And how can you have "no money", if you're going to lend her £5k? Why on earth would you lend someone that amount for something unnecessary if you're not rolling in it? If you can't afford not to get it back, then seriously......... DON'T LEND IT TO HER!

steff13 · 12/12/2016 16:32

I wouldn't lend her the money, I'd use the $5K to get my own place. If the plastic surgery is elective, which I'm assuming it is, then she can save her own money.

Here in the US we call it a window sill, not window seal. Interesting, the little language differences.

wibblywobblywoo · 12/12/2016 16:33

I offered to pay because she said they were here before I got here so I just blamed myself.

That says so much Blu, coming from an abusive relationship it may be your default setting to accept blame hoping for a quiet life in return.

You've done so well to leave that previous situation but I would suggest your friend's accusation threw you back into that state of mind and you said what felt like the best thing in that moment.

Explain that to your friend and state categorically that you have no idea what has happened to the glasses and see where she takes it from there in terms of a continuing 'atmosphere'.... and gauge then how you want to go forward from that.

Gatekeeper · 12/12/2016 16:39

Its sill here as well

IAmNotAMindReader · 12/12/2016 16:49

Your boundaries are very screwed up from being in an abusive relationship to see that this has all manner of wrong stamped all over it. She will now assume you had something to do with the glasses because you took responsibility for them so to speak. You did this because it is what you are used to doing when conflict arises. However, this just makes you look guilty. Same goes for the money. You think you are offering it out of the kindness of your heart but you are in a situation where you really need it yourself. You know you are at the moment beholden to your friend for letting you stay, so this is an appeasement action on your behalf to get her to treat you nice and let you stay without stress as you are pre-empting situations which would have arisen in your former relationship.
You say you have to stay there. Is there anywhere else you could go for now as a stepping stone? She may not mean to do it, but you friend is tipping into using your eagerness to avoid conflict for her own benefit.

Explain this to your friend and say you still wish to help her out but with care, not cash for her procedure (unless you truly have money to spare you can not notice if the money never comes back).

MissRosie21 · 12/12/2016 16:49

Can she not get a loan? If she cannot get a loan dont lend her the money. As it proves she wont be able to pay you back. You should move out and set up on your own.