to be exhausted and demotivated after only 4 months?

[RoonilWaslib]

DP and I moved to London in August for me to start a new job, he was finishing his PhD.
My job is "well paid" at £38k a year and after DP finished his PhD he would find a job in his specialism.

I've calculated that the rent/bills we pay for a ROOM in our area is more than a mortgage/bills on a 2 bed flat, with the help to buy scheme.

We don't have a deposit yet, but obviously could afford a mortgage on a 2 bed flat, as we already pay that much each month in rent.

Problem is - we can't possibly save for a deposit, as the rent is so high.

I vastly underestimated how incredibly demotivating this would be, it feels like we are just treading water and will continue to do so for years and years and years.

Even scrimping and saving wherever we can is pennies compared to the money we need for a mortgage. (We need to find at least £30k for a 5% mortgage).

If we moved back to where my parents live, we could both get bog standard jobs, rent and save enough to buy in about a year. We would then be paying off a house, and probably still have more disposable income.

We stay in London because its the best bet for DPs career (I'm already at the top of mine, can't go any further) and in the long run, will probably mean we're better off, but not for another 5-6 years.

I'm feeling really downtrodden by the whole thing and I know IABU but I'm sick of throwing thousands a month into living in a houseshare and feeling like we never have quite enough money.

(before anyone gives me a bashing, I'm well aware that we are far better off than the majority of the world's population, please don't flame me too much)

OP are you serious?! Nobody 'needs' a flat worth over half a million pounds 😂

38k as a nanny. I need a career change

Are you still there, op?

I've re-read your op just to be clear.

DP needs to be in London for his job. Okay, great. You don't need to be living in Kensington for that, and your job is moveable. Most people except the super rich or those who bought 15-20 or more years ago live in Greater, rather than Central, London and commute in for work.

How did you get into a situation where you 'need' to be 15 mins from your nanny job in one of the most expensive areas in London? Did you accept the job without knowing much about the city, and therefore ended up with this extortionate house share? If so, it's easily done - you can't be expected to know everything when moving to a new area! But now you're here, it's time to quickly reevaluate.

If your employer has stipulated that you need to be no more than 15 mins from them (I'm assuming this could be for emergency childcare situations and to ensure you don't encounter travel issues which could make you late etc) then they're probably not the right employer for you in the circumstances. The pay is great (my and DH's combined salary was less than that, in London, for a long time!) but it's nothing compared to local rents.

Other posters have pointed out you could live nearby and still pay heaps less than you are, but surely it would be better for you both - since saving for a mortgage is your priority - to be living much further out and paying much less to live, and moving your job out to a more distant borough as well? No, you won't be bringing in £38k most likely, but it sounds like you could still command a decent salary somewhere affluent like Dulwich, Clapham etc and easily commute in from somewhere in zone 3/4 with cheaper rent.

You seem a bit naive, in the nicest possible way, and as though you've made a few uninformed decisions. Commuting is a London reality for most Londoners - you have to adjust your expectations and your schedules accordingly, and that goes for your partner too. Since you can be a nanny pretty much anywhere, he needs to be realistic about his own commute and work/life balance - yes, days are long when you work in London, but on the flip side, you have the city's conveniences and cultural sites right at your fingertips!

Equally as others have said, you can commute from outside London very easily (albeit at higher cost) - many of my colleagues commute in from Essex and Kent and their commutes are shorter than mine coming from SE London. Property is, if you pick the right area, much more affordable so you can make the most of your DP's London salary, work locally yourself, and still afford to save to buy.

Great response lilyb. I do hope the OP is still reading.