to be exhausted and demotivated after only 4 months?

[RoonilWaslib]

DP and I moved to London in August for me to start a new job, he was finishing his PhD.
My job is "well paid" at £38k a year and after DP finished his PhD he would find a job in his specialism.

I've calculated that the rent/bills we pay for a ROOM in our area is more than a mortgage/bills on a 2 bed flat, with the help to buy scheme.

We don't have a deposit yet, but obviously could afford a mortgage on a 2 bed flat, as we already pay that much each month in rent.

Problem is - we can't possibly save for a deposit, as the rent is so high.

I vastly underestimated how incredibly demotivating this would be, it feels like we are just treading water and will continue to do so for years and years and years.

Even scrimping and saving wherever we can is pennies compared to the money we need for a mortgage. (We need to find at least £30k for a 5% mortgage).

If we moved back to where my parents live, we could both get bog standard jobs, rent and save enough to buy in about a year. We would then be paying off a house, and probably still have more disposable income.

We stay in London because its the best bet for DPs career (I'm already at the top of mine, can't go any further) and in the long run, will probably mean we're better off, but not for another 5-6 years.

I'm feeling really downtrodden by the whole thing and I know IABU but I'm sick of throwing thousands a month into living in a houseshare and feeling like we never have quite enough money.

(before anyone gives me a bashing, I'm well aware that we are far better off than the majority of the world's population, please don't flame me too much)

Okay. YANBU to be demotivated because buying a property in London is hard.

YABU to be so inflexible and unrealistic in your expectations. You could rent a room for much less than you're paying (we rented a whole flat for less than that in zone 3) and 600k is a ridiculous amount to spend on a 2 bed flat, even in London. You need to look at cheaper areas of London.

1400 a room!!?

I'm in zone 2 and our house is 2k... Where are you living?!

Move further out, you don't need to live in the heart of London. I was renting a 2 bed flat with my sister for £1k a month in Bromley. My travel was only £210. There, you've already saved some money.

You have the means to make your situation better so stop moaning about it.

Would love to earn £38k, I would have no money problems at all!

Are you living where you are because of your work, op, or your partner's? It does sound like you're somewhere very expensive or are being taken for a ride. I understand as a nanny your hours are long, but I've lived in lots of places across zones 2 and 3 and the commute is pretty much always an hour or so to get anywhere, so unless you're literally on the doorstep or round the corner from the family you work for, you could probably afford to move slightly further out and commute to your job. Yes, your day would be slightly longer but you really shouldn't need to pay that extortionate amount just for a room!

I'm baffled as to why you think you need to buy a 2 bed flat for £600k.

There's practically nowhere I know in London that isn't a reasonable commute from somewhere a lot cheaper.

Unless your job requires that you are no more than 15 minutes from Mayfair I don't really understand.

ps a nanny friend of mine lives and owns in zone 4, commutes to her job in zone 1 with her dc who is under a year old. Very long days but it's doable!

I'm amazed at your house share cost! I rent a one bed flat in a "nice" part of West London for under £1200.

I know the obvious answer is commute, but that is really knackering. I see my OH do it every day. It isn't as simple as "get train, sit down, snooze".

Even on the very first trains of the day (6am-ish) he has to be fast to get a seat; and its usually packed standing room only 30mins into the 1hr10 journey. It is extremely unpleasant, and the regulars have this dead-eyed, single track mindset (I do the same commute occasionally for work meetings).

And it takes away irreplaceable leisure time too. Sure he can work (assuming he could even get his laptop out of his bag on the rammed trains home), but given he's just done a full day, why should he? It's our time together that is valuable and lost forever, to the tune of a good 2-3hours every day.

In our case, it's because the work he does is inherently London-centric, although as his career progresses he should be able to take closer roles, so we're sucking it up for now.

But OP needs to decide what is more important - money, location, home life, career progression - because there doesn't see to be one answer to them all. I wish her good luck.

£1400 here would get you a bloody mansion and they say it's grim up north!

£400 a month it costs us for our lovely big 3 bedroom semi, bought 2 years ago.

To live in London you need to either lower your expectations or be on a much higher salary. How long would it take you to save the 30k in your current circumstances?

What if you have children? The lodger would have to go at some point, I think it's wrong to think having a lodger will pay your bills, you will be reliant on them so much.

I've lived in Essex and what we were paying for a 2 bed flat would get us a 4/5 bedroom detached here, it's not fair really as the wages though higher in the south do not reflect the silly price of living there.

What is your husband's PhD in, if that's not too intrusive a question? And does he intend to go into academia?

In social science and especially arts and humanities, it is normal for there to be a period of uncertainty post-PhD, which may involve moving several times. If he's intending to be an academic, a lot of people work for several years in short-term RA positions before landing their first permanent position. I'm not sure about the situation in sciences, but academic jobs seem to be a bit more available (though I could be wrong about this).

Obviously, none of this is as relevant if he's not intending to stay in academic positions! My point, however, is that you might not be totally fixed in London for that long?

Unless your job requires that you are no more than 15 minutes from Mayfair

My job requires me to be no more than 15 minutes from Kensington, so close enough.

If you're a nanny you can presumably get work outside London. There are lots of places within 30-4p minutes commute of London where you could get a 2 bed house for £300k.

Where in London does your dp plan to work? My dh commutes into Kings Cross from Royston. Train is 40 minutes. Houses in Royston are relatively cheap. We livd in a village nearby, but its still only 60 minutes door to door. Dh leaves home at 7am and is home by 6.30pm.

There are presumably other areas within striking distance of the main London stations where you could get a job locally and the house prices ae more affordable.

Why don't you move out of London, rent for a couple of years while you save for a deposit, then buy?

Roonil why don't your employers pay for your housing then? Of course no one can insist that their nanny has to be 15 mins away, paying for their own accomodation when they only earn £38k

You might want to check if you can have lodgers under the help to buy scheme. Under the terms of our mortgage we can't rent the place out, not sure if it's different if it was just a room

Could you give us an idea of what your partner does / wants to do. There are many jobs that "require London" but there are often many "similar" jobs that don't. Generally these are slightly less prestigious and pay less well but you can't eat prestige and if your housing costs are less than half what they would be in London then you find you quickly stop caring about earning 25% less than you would in London. (I am in one of these jobs.)

The brilliance of Mumsnet is the "hive mind" which means that between us if a job exists we will think of it.

paxmanfan I lived in Royston in the earlier Noughties! We were on the (then) new Twigden homes estate between the A10 and the A505.

Also it doesn't matter how much deposit you have really lenders have criteria and will only lend 4.5x salary of something like that so collectively you both need to earn lots to buy something for 600k.

I think you may need to look further out

I'd be looking for a new job tbh. You can earn well as a nanny out in the suburbs, with cheaper housing and DH commute to London. No point being paid weel to live 15 minutes from Kensington - totally defeats the point. You'd be better off with a lower wage in a cheaper area.

What kind of room are you renting for £1400!? We have a lovely airy 1 bed flat less than 10 mins from Vauxhall for that. Have you tried searching for something cheaper? spareroom dot com gives loads of results for rooms in kensington for less that £800/month....

There are some areas in London that will pay a good nanny wage and are close to more affordable areas - East Dulwich is close to West/South Norwood, for example.. (and West/South Norwood are great places to live AND good for commuting into central London)

Ok being within 15 minutes of Kensington is not reasonable for your employer.

You can almost do the 15 minutes at 350-450k for a flat in Battersea.

You can't afford a 600k place. We both earn more than you and can't afford that with a massive 180k deposit!

You need to move further out for your rental 'room'. I'm in Lewisham in a large 3 bed, 2 reception house with a garden for £1600 a month rent. I commute to Kensington in just under 40 minutes.

You are being very unrealistic. Some people need to be in London for their jobs-your job isn't one of them.

Yes, your wages will be less elsewhere but the housing costs will be substantially lower.

Op I'm not sure of your maths either? How much of a mortgage are you looking to get?

Our 60% mortgage of £230k is almost £1200 a month...

Missing the point of the thread

A mortgage on a £600k place would be about £3k a month surely?

people on average salaries in London cannot afford to buy property there. Everyone knows this surely?

I agree with this!

Even if your DH was on the same salary as you, £600k would be unachievable as a first time buy.

Does it say I'm your contract that you have to live 15 minutes from your employer? That's a bonkers expectation and one that should either command a much higher salary, or a new contract (or job!).

You just love outside London and commute in. Best of both worlds. Nice house and local area, and all the fab stuff in London. It's only miserable if you want it to be