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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this wasn't funny?

41 replies

Coffeerun · 12/12/2016 10:33

How would you take this?

I was in the car with dh and 8 year old ds.

We were about to get out of the car when all of a sudden dh said "oh my god ds, I've found something horrible".

Then he pulled out the proof copy of ds school photo, and showed it to ds, it was in the driver door shelf and he must have noticed it.

Ds burst into tears and dh said he was only joking.

Ds is getting to an age where he's a tiny bit self conscious, not massively so but a bit.

Dh did half heartedly apologise but is adamant he was joking and ds should take a joke. I know he was joking but totally unnecessary thing to say.

OP posts:
user1477282676 · 12/12/2016 10:35

How old is DS? It seems a bit of a weird thing to say to a child. Is your DH's humour usually based around this kind of thing?

user1477282676 · 12/12/2016 10:35

Oh sorry I see DS is 8! Well...my DD is 8 and think she'd also be a bit hurt at that from her Dad.

c3pu · 12/12/2016 10:37

Jesus.

My DS1 has had about 3 absolutely rubbish school photo's in a row, but I've not told him to his face what i think of them!

YANBU.

rightsofwomen · 12/12/2016 10:38

It really depends on whether you do these sorts of jokes within your family and it depends on how it was said.

If I said that to my 7 yo DS he'd be totally fine. We are always teasing each other.

I guess if your DS started crying then it wasn't funny and your DH needs to put things straight right away.

longdiling · 12/12/2016 10:38

My 9 year old ds would laugh at that. It would be so obviously a joke because his dad makes it abundantly clear in many other ways that he is anything but horrible.

EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy · 12/12/2016 10:38

YANBU. It's not funny. It's mean and humiliating. Humour isn't funny when it's at someone's expense, especially at the expense of a child.

mumonashoestring · 12/12/2016 10:39

Of course he's adamant that he was only joking and it's your son's 'overreaction' that's the problem, the alternative is admitting to himself & everyone else that rather than being the person his child can always count on to be on his side, he's behaved like a particularly idiotic school bully. Would he find it funny if you both started being randomly unkind to him out of nowhere?

HeddaGarbled · 12/12/2016 10:40

Your H misjudged it. Hopefully, he'll learn from this and be more sensitive in future.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 12/12/2016 10:40

It's the sort of thing my dad would have done to us. My family are big into teasing one another. If it was a one off and your DH realises it's upset DS then I'd let it go-sometimes children react in an unexpected way and he maybe anticipated a different reaction.

BertrandRussell · 12/12/2016 10:43

If you are the sort of family who say things like that to each other, then it's fine. If not, not.

We are that sort of family, but ds went through a stage when he didn't like it, so we stopped doing it to him for a bit.

I do think it's only OK when you do and say lots of nice things as well.

Original poster
Coffeerun · 12/12/2016 10:51

It's difficult. Dh was joking, I know he was, he doesn't place emphasis on appearance. We do joke around, but, ds is quite straight down the line. So if we were looking through photos and all teasing and laughing ds would laugh. I think this was just so out of the blue ds wasn't expecting it. I think ds is also a bit conscious of his school photo.

I also think dh is shit at giving compliments and to be honest it does feel sometimes like he's rarely got anything nice to say.

OP posts:
flippinada · 12/12/2016 10:52

It depends on context. If (as PP have said) it's very clearly a joke because your DH is otherwise a lovely dad then it's ok and an apology and reassurance to DS will sort it out.

If, on the other hand, your DH is the type to make nasty comments dressed up as jokes (we all know the type) it's not on.

LastLeaf · 12/12/2016 10:55

I could, and have, joked around like that with DC1 but DC2 would very much have taken it to heart. It is about knowing your children. Actually, it is like all jokes, you have to know your audience.

Olympiathequeen · 12/12/2016 10:55

What an insensitive arse. I would explain to DS that daddy says things that just aren't funny and that he didn't mean what he said. Children's self esteem can be so easily destroyed.

HaveNoSocks · 12/12/2016 10:56

YANBU. If someone's sensitive about their appearance (or intelligence or personality or whatever) then you don't make a joke of it.

SpunkyMummy · 12/12/2016 10:57

That's insensitive.

I would have been somuoset if somebody did this to me.

Sure, some children may be able to take this as a joke. But DH should know his child... and more importantly; he should be genuinely sorry and apologise. The lack of honest apology would make me very angry!!

MrsDustyBusty · 12/12/2016 10:57

Well the upshot is that on this occasion, your son was upset enough to cry. If Dad is big enough to be witty about personal things, let him apologise properly and stop making excuses for hurting a child's feelings.

It's only funny when everyone is laughing.

BertrandRussell · 12/12/2016 11:00

"What an insensitive arse. I would explain to DS that daddy says things that just aren't funny and that he didn't mean what he said"

Assuming that in other ways he isn't an insensitive arse then it should be him who apologizes and explains.

Obviously he was wrong and should say sorry. But maybe your ds needs to develop a little resilience too?

pictish · 12/12/2016 11:00

Well...a ribbing is one thing...we do it too, but honestly if the wee face were to crumple and hurt feelings be the result, the course of actions is to apologise and reassure, not insist that the person you have upset learn to take a joke. Hmm

He's being an arse.

FatOldBag · 12/12/2016 11:02

That's horrible. I would cry too! Poor ds.

pictish · 12/12/2016 11:03

As for the son learning resilience...nah. OP says they do joke around, it's a regular dynamic for them so the lad already has resilience. It's just that this particular poke was an ouchie. It touched a raw nerve.
Nice people recognise they've caused hurt, say sorry and mean it.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 12/12/2016 11:05

That wouldn't upset any of mine but we do take the Mickey a lot! We do also give lots of compliments and the kids know when we are joking.

LastLeaf · 12/12/2016 11:08

Nice people recognise they've caused hurt, say sorry and mean it.

^^ That is exactly it. We can all have off days, feel sensitive about a certain thing. So the right thing to do is for the Joker to apologise to the Jokee.

Sissy i joke around a lot with my dc like you. But if one of yours was unexpectedly upset with the joke then you would say sorry and mean it wouldn't you?

VixenLupin · 12/12/2016 11:08

It's the sort of thing I would say to my kids. However I do it all the time, so they're used to it. And I do compliment them to, and tell them
I love them (which they probably find worse than the teasing!!)

As your son was upset then yes, your DH should apologise, your DS obviously took it to heart.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 12/12/2016 11:11

Eight is a difficult age. All of mine would have cried at that when they were eight.

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