Child , Xmas day and divorced parents

[Wonkydonkey44]

I have a daughter she has a severe learning disability . Her dad and I are divorced , not amicable ( his part not mine) .
Normally we alternate Xmas and this year it's his turn .
I don't want her to go this year I want her home with me and her large extended family for the following reasons.

1. loads of cancelled weekends due to his social life or work.
2. hasn't taken child on holiday for last 7 years .
3. hasn't had child at all during summer holidays this year or any year come to think of it.
4. doesn't turn up for any school meetings etc or annual reviews despite being invited by the school.

There is loads more as well . Am I right in thinking of you don't put in the graft through the year you don't get the good bit? Am I being totally unreasonable?

Apologies OP I misread that he'd not taken her on holiday for seven years as her being seven. .

TBH I don't think this can ever be viewed as black and white. Because while in principle I agree that if the man makes no effort with his child for the other 51 weeks of the year then he shouldn't be able to just turn around and want her at his convenience, the reality here is that it's clearly something she notices and it seems evident from what you're posting that she does in fact want a relationship with her father, even if it's not the relationship she (or you) want her to have. And as such if you are the one making the decision about Christmas then you are also the one who is essentially standing in the way of any kind of relationship she has with him, however flaky a relationship it is.

You say she has a severe learning disability, does this have an impact on her ability to make independent decisions at all?

Either way this isn't really a decision you can make without her input, because she is already aware of being an outsider in his family, and as such, if you unilaterally decide that she will be spending Christmas with you then you are reinforcing that knowledge. So as hard as it is, you're going to need to put your (understandable) feelings about your XH aside and do what she would want, even if that means her going to his and not seeing him for the rest of the year.

If this was a teenager who was able to make their own independent decisions it wouldn't be ok to tell them they couldn't go to their dad's for Christmas based on the reasons outlined above, this isn't any different, but I'm guessing that her disability makes it appear different.

Just tell him, OP. If he doesn't stick to arrangements, how can he expect things to go his way the rest of the time?

I'm going to tell him I'm keeping her Xmas day and will take her to him Boxing Day . If he's got plans then she will stay Boxing Day here.
There is no black and white I agree but I'm going to do what I think is best for her as I do the other 364 days a year with no input from him.
I will also tell him he needs to up his game in the parenting stakes!