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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be fed up with people forcing handmade items on you, then charging you for them!

54 replies

dingdongthewitchishere · 11/12/2016 08:31

Angry

A friend/ work colleague/ relative offers you something they make as a hobby, when you are having a relevant conversation or completely randomly. (cake/jam/curtains/ Christmas decoration/ painting because you are organising a party/redecorating/preparing Christmas/talking about shopping). You very nicely decline. They insist, you decline again. A couple of days later, they offer again, and you decline AGAIN, very nicely. A couple of days later, they bring you the damn thing, made specially for you. You grit your teeth, thank them whilst thinking I don't want your crap, and now I have to refund you for the material and buy the same thing somewhere else

Now the killer line: "It's £... for you", quoting at least double the price you would pay in a shop. Angry

AIBU to think they are taking the piss? This is not an isolated incident btw, and whist I would be relatively happy to refund them for their cost even if I didn't want the bloody thing in the first place I am hugely resenting paying a fortune. In theory, I could refuse, in RL, it's difficult when you want to keep a civil relationship with the individual for various reasons.

OP posts:
Champagneformyrealfriends · 11/12/2016 08:32

"I haven't got the money at the minute. Hold onto it for me until I give it you would you? Thanks."

Grin

Yanbu-cheeky fucker.

Chasingsquirrels · 11/12/2016 08:34

I've NEVER experienced this.
But my response would be "no thanks, I told you repeatedly I didn't want it."

hazeyjane · 11/12/2016 08:36

I can't even imagine this scenario - it seems very odd! Never happened to me.

Original poster
dingdongthewitchishere · 11/12/2016 08:42

I must be too friendly when I refuse, and my refusal doesn't come across very well, because it's not the first time it happens to me. I obviously can't go into too much details for some examples , but I was left speechless when a colleague turned up with a cake made for me! I really struggled and failed to point blank refuse it.

OP posts:
WiltingTulip · 11/12/2016 08:50

This is a real thing. A woman at work used to do this. She'd be excited to show us her craft (complete with price tags), then ask what we'd like (assuming we'd buy stuff), then display them around the office.

Not something I'd ever buy in a shop, let alone pay 5x the amount from her.

FourToTheFloor · 11/12/2016 08:55

My friend made a present for dd2 and then told me she usually charges x for it. I was a bit shocked she told me that so said do you want me to transfer the money to you (after I had been saying how lovely it was) and she said yes! Thing is, it is lovely but not something I would dress dd2 in.

She's a sahm trying to make some money this way so felt like I really should pay for her sake.

mirokarikovo · 11/12/2016 08:58

Sounds like you are suffering from a chronic case of being far too nice and are being taken for a mug. Stop being irritated with the person/people who are abusing you and discover your inner bitch instead. It is OK to not be nice if being nice is leading to you being taken advantage of.

Bambamrubblesmum · 11/12/2016 08:59

She sees you as a soft touch.

Tell them you don't have the money right now.

Tell them someone else is making the exact same thing for you for free.

Tell them you've ordered the same thing from somewhere else.

Pick one of the above as a go to phrase.

Don't discuss shopping in front of them again.

It always amazes me that people think just because they've made it it's worth charging money for. Don't get me wrong, some really good stuff is made at home, but for every one good item there's a whole lot more crap ones.

Also sounds like this person isn't too embarrassed to make money out of you and is relying on you saying yes.

Don't be a mug

Cherrysoup · 11/12/2016 08:59

Just remind her you told her you didn't want it. I mean, how blatant can she get?!

MsVestibule · 11/12/2016 08:59

Really weird behaviour! It's never happened to me.

tulip at least your colleague made it clear she wanted payment, whereas floor your friend was beyond cheeky!!

Aeroflotgirl · 11/12/2016 09:00

Yanbu, I would have been very firm, and told her, that I told you that I do not want it, so please could you stop asking me. If she does again, go to your manager, its harassment. Four Shock, how rude, I would have told her that its not something that you like, and its not a gift so please could she take it back. I have never encountered this, how rude are people.

DierdrePewtey · 11/12/2016 09:01

I would very nicely most politely tell them to fuck off. Depending on how pushy they were, I may return the item by inserting where the sun doesn't shine.

liberatethebuns · 11/12/2016 09:03

They may be colleagues or friends but it just sounds like a more advanced version of the people who stop you in the street to hand you a flower or poem and then demand money off you once you take it. Really manipulative stuff.

FourToTheFloor · 11/12/2016 09:04

I don't think she intended to ask for the money but she spoke about how much the material cost, the time it takes to make them and how much she charges it felt like I just had to offer but I didn't expect her to say yes so I guess it's my fault.

GeekLove · 11/12/2016 09:05

This sounds like the CakeGate thread when an Mnetterhad a cake baked the landlord of the villa who then tried to charge her 30EUR for it having never implied she was supposed to pay for it first.

Original poster
dingdongthewitchishere · 11/12/2016 09:06

I am a mug. Another example was my mum's neighbour, charming old lady, who offered to make something for my baby's room for Christmas. No thank you, but I insist, really no thanks. That time, I did end up saying yes. my own stupid fault.

When she brought it for Christmas, she then informed me that the personalised item (which I would have bought for less than £40 online) was ...wait for it...£150. IF YOU CHARGE PEOPLE TELL THEM BEFORE YOU MAKE THE ITEM!

OP posts:
TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 11/12/2016 09:07

If this is several different people it must be shat youre saying. Are you actually saying no thank you? Or are you folloeing up with some excuse that makes them think you do want the stuff? Eg no thank you i dont want to put you out?

SpotTheDuck · 11/12/2016 09:07

You're being much too nice! This has never happened to me and I really can't imagine it.

They turn up with the cake, you just need to look baffled and say "but I told you I didn't want it. Don't you remember?" And then if they ask for the money look incredulous and say "no, I told you already I didn't want it. I don't know why you went ahead and made it!"

Shakey15000 · 11/12/2016 09:12

"I didn't order it. I don't want it. I'm not giving you any money. Give your tat to someone else. Fuck off"

That should cover everything.

LadyVampire · 11/12/2016 09:12

Surely it's a legal requirement to state the charges before getting your permission?

In future say no or if it's something you like ask how much it is and decide whether you want to spend that amount.

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 11/12/2016 09:14

You need to be clear and concise when refusing , your being way too nice and a pushover , when offered say no , you dont need to give reasons or try to justify it just no thats it then if they do turn up with it dont accept it and say i told you no now dont put me in an uncomfortable position again

Spookle · 11/12/2016 09:15

'Sorry, I'm saving for a private family situation so sadly there is no disposable cash available for the foreseeable future.'

Heirhelp · 11/12/2016 09:18

I like Spookle's reply.

Xocaraic · 11/12/2016 09:19

OP. I would tell them their work effort is to be commended. That is all.
Would you like one would be followed by, "no, it would not blend with my decor" or "no, I can't eat that stuff due to current doctors orders".
If they insist call them out on it. "No! I don't think you heard me clearly so I shall repeat. I don't want/can't have it."
If all that fails point out at the same or similar item can be bought for a more cost effective price in Xyz.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 11/12/2016 09:25

Have we not yet had the mn favourite? No is a complete sentence.