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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so upset by this

59 replies

DontTouchTheMoustache · 10/12/2016 22:43

I went to my works Christmas party this week. I joined a bit later than most people so everyone was already very drunk by the time I arrived. I was wearing a low cut wrap dress. One of my male work colleagues who I am friends with came to say hello with another male friend. I was sat down talking to someone and they were stood behind me, while saying hello one of these friends said he couldn't concentrate on what I was saying because he was distracted by my chest and the other colleague agreed. They were being quite leary and one of them grabbed me.under the arms to shake me to tray and make my chest bounce up and down, then the other friend pulled my dress down fully exposing my bra. All of this was in a crowded pub with my work colleagues. I was completely humiliated and immediately told them both to stop but the one who had pulled my dress down wouldn't stop and kept pulling it down despite the fact I kept telling him to stop and he could see I was getting really distressed. Another colleague stepped in and told him.to stop. By this point I was shaking and on the verge of tears. A female.colleague who had seen it then said "they're just tits" and pulled her own top down so it made me feel I was overreacting but I was still upset so decided to.speak to the man who had been doing it and said to him that what he had done was sexual assault and was completely unacceptable. But he just laughed it off and told me not to be ridiculous. I'm a timid person who.hates confrontation so I just decided to leave it but I still can't stop thinking about it now. I don't know if I'm overreacting to be so hung up on it?

OP posts:
HoopsandEverything · 11/12/2016 09:36

If you do draft something to HR, I think it's best to keep emotions out of it - stick to the facts of what happened.

Dafspunk · 11/12/2016 09:39

I'm HR and this would be gross misconduct and instant dismissal. I would be encouraging you to go to the police and I'd also be disciplining the others who were there there that condoned this shit.

eeyore2 · 11/12/2016 09:43

This is awful. Please don't put up with it, at the very least to prevent it from becoming accepted and then repeated in the future.

Violetcharlotte · 11/12/2016 09:47

That's awful OP, you shouldn't have to put up with that from anyone. I would have a chat with your manger if you can, it may be HR. The fact they were pissed and it was a Xmas do is no excuse at all - complete unacceptable.

mamatiger2016 · 11/12/2016 09:47

I'm so sorry for your horrible experience OP. Flowers

Report this to your HR on Monday, please!

I know you say you feel panicked at the notion of reporting but your HR team is there to support you with this, especially as it's at a work party. Most companies 'code of conduct' extends to social events so they can bring him up on this / deal out appropriate punishment e.g warning or sanctions for gross misconduct.

You do not need to feel guilty about his twattish behaviour

BeautyQueenFromMars · 11/12/2016 10:17

Agree with all of the above. Sorry this happened to you OP. Please do report and hold your head high. Flowers

notaflyingmonkey · 11/12/2016 10:26

This is awful, and I am so sorry that it happened to you.

My advise to you would be to write it up today, while it is still fresh in your mind. Go into detail about the chain of events, included who said and did what, in the order that you remember it. It is important to do, albeit difficult, so that it is a written statement.

I am a manager, and if presented with that, as others have said, would see it as gross misconduct.

Are you in the union, OP? If you are going to struggle with doing this on your own, it might be good to inlist some additional support, but HR is a good place to start. Don't let anyone try to minimise this.

Ohdearducks · 13/12/2016 22:35

Any updates OP hope they've been pulled up by management for this!

DailyFail1 · 13/12/2016 22:47

Report to HR. This is gross misconduct

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