To never use childcare even though I am burnt out?

[Mollyisabellajack]

I have 3 children under 5. Me and DP never go out and I do not work as I don't want to use childcare. I'm burnt out and need a break. I don't want to use paid childcare as with 3 children it would cost a lot more than I could earn, and we are able to 'just' manage on one salary. My friends ask me why I never use grandparents to babysit, either to work or to have a night out with DH. But my parents were not good with me as a child, they were emotionally abusive so I do not want to leave my DC with them. DH parents were physically abusive so we don't want to leave them with his parents either. We don't know anyone to babysit so we just never go out. DH works long hours and I am feeling burnt out. Is anyone else in the same situation?

What about using sitters for an occasional night out? Or leave dcs with dh for a few hours every weekend? If you are feeling this way, you and dh need to find a way. How old are dcs, any at svhool or getting their 15 hours?

Have you tried the local colleges? When I was training to be a nursery nurse I looked after two under fours for a day a week. I cared so much as it was a placement and counted towards my qualification. I didn't get paid so that might be an option? And you'll be helping someone else?

I used to walk in the house and the Mum would go to bed for a few hours and then pop back up all refreshed!

Thanks for all the ideas! I'm going to try asking at dc nursery and if not the local childcare course at the college, brilliant ideas thank you

I was just coming on to suggest sitters.co.uk, I work for them occasionally and the average cost for four hours babysitting is £30, is that affordable, perhaps once a month?

There is another thread about babysitting circles which I have never heard of before but could that be something you could look into?

I am a childminder and a parent, I don't have 3dcs of my own, but I know how exhausting it can be during the day, I have taken to colouring in for 15mins before bed, it gives me a chance to wind down. I always struggle this time of year with stress and feeling tense because of the weather, I need to be outdoors daily and that's not always possible in winter. Could you perhaps get out at the weekend for a walk by yourself? Leave Dh with the children (at nap time if needs be?) and have 30mins fresh air. It does wonders for me!

Just because you are a stay at home mom does not mean that you shouldn't make time for yourself, you need to relax and have moments of peace just as much as your Dh.

All the best

When your children are older I presume you'll need childcare if you're working when they're at school?

They'll be lovely girls and very eager to help/learn. I found it an amazing experience and it gave me a really realistic view on motherhood. First DD was born on Monday and I'm loving it so far!

Agree with the posters saying that your dh should look after the children so you can take a whole day at the weekend to relax. That way it's free isn't it?

These early years are the most exhausting but before you know it they will all be in school. Your dh needs to step up now so that you're not on your knees with exhaustion. You will enjoy it all so much more when you have a proper, regular break to recharge.

It does get easier eventually I have 4 dcs and dc1 an 2 are older enough to be left. Dc1 is 15 so can babysit too.

Another recommendation for Sitters. They have all been lovely women. I a, always puzzled why people won't pay for babysitting - I get that £30 is too much to pay for some, but there also seems to be some kind of moral judgement going on - like with cleaners - almost as though women paying other women to make their lives a bit easier is somehow not ok? Frankly, OP, your DH should be sorting the babysitting as an investment in your relationship (doesn't he miss spending time with you?)

We botk work full time but we do shift parenting at the weekend so we an both catch a break.

Third sentence was meant to start 'I am'. I also meant to say that if you're not happy with either set of parents as babysitters, fair enough.

Yes, shop online. When I think back to when I had a 3.5 yo and a newborn I'd just about make it to the tills and then have to sit down somewhere and bfeed the baby. By the time you add it up you've lost a good four hours of your day from leaving the house, doing the shopping, getting home, break to deal with all the kids need, the inevitable break to prepare the meal that is undoubtedly due at that time, then all the unpacking - to me that's half a day of entirely wasted time.

Book orders to come on an evening so it doesn't eat up the weekend and on that time where you would have gone shopping, DH can do some cleaning as well as looking after the kids (if that would help you) and just get out of the house even if all you do is go into your local town or go the library or go to McDonald's or go swimming - anything that's just for you. Just do whatever will help you relax and feel rested.

You probably would find if you went Morrisons (g-ood delivery service) or Asda (shockingly bad at times and highly variable) that you can plan what you buy a LOT more and pick all the own brands and so on. It's worth a go surely to see - all you have to do is register, do an order and see what you can get and how much it costs - what say it was £10 more expensive but you could have 4 hours to yourself - I'd say it would be worth it.