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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's my birthday today and...

53 replies

Cashncarry · 17/02/2007 15:40

DD has conjunctivitis and tonsilitis
DH has "man-flu" and reckons he's broken a rib from coughing
He didn't organise anything for my birthday
He didn't buy me a card
He didn't buy me a present
He started watching the DVD I borrowed from the library last night when he couldn't sleep
Although I said I wanted a takeaway, he went shopping yesterday and bought enough food to feed a small country and has already made dinner (not my choice)
I haven't slept properly for a week because I've been up every night with DD
I spent last night tending to DH - made a bed on the floor for him, hot water bottle, hot toddy etc. but he still thinks I'm being unsympathetic

I know people don't know AIBU threads but I'm feeling incredibly sorry for myself and ended up having a row with DH over the whole thing. I think he thinks I'm ungrateful but I really just wanted a card and maybe a little cheap thoughtful present.

this is the eighth year I've had a crap birthday (we've been together eight years!).

So seriously, am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cashncarry · 17/02/2007 16:09

couldn't go without commenting on the veg box LFMS - how poncy are you?

OP posts:
LowFatMilkshake · 17/02/2007 16:10

Can't win can I

It was MN's who suggested I get a vegbox to be more environmentaly friendly!

colditz · 17/02/2007 16:14

But chinese takeaway is full of vegetables

Mmmmmm

I want one, and I am poorly, and quite rightly cannot eat stuff like that.

kittypants · 17/02/2007 16:19

your not being unreasonable.tell dh when hes over his man flu hes got 8 years of making up to do!my dh is same but maybe not so bad as i get card!
happy birthday btw!

AdelaideS · 17/02/2007 16:26

Like I said, some are just crap at it. I wonder what birthdays were like in their houses as children? (does that make sense?)
My mum always did fab parties and I love birthdays and everything to do with them.

2nervesleft · 17/02/2007 16:33

Happy Birthday Cashncarry!

You clearly have the paitence of a saint and should give yourself the birthday you deserve.
I never give my dh sympathy for any illness because it is like pouring love into a black hole, I will never fill it, he always wants more. As a result I just ignore his symptoms and at the most pass him a few paracetamol.

You must have a takeaway tonight but do not let him get away with doing nothing for you, remind him to book a table somewhere lovely next weekend when he is feeling better.

Original poster
Cashncarry · 17/02/2007 19:44

Little update - went downstairs to make up with DH and found he had gone out He called me an hour and a half later to ask me how old my nephew was so he could buy him a present.

Childish I know but was so I hung up. I then ignored his phonecalls and he turned up another hour and a half later with some choice insults. He bought a card (which I ignored), an outfit for DD and some socks for himself.

I am ignoring him now just because if I open my mouth, I know I will say something I regret and don't want to have a slanging match, especially not with DD around.

Don't care if I'm being unreasonable anymore because I'm too and

sorry to turn what was a light-hearted thread into a rant but at least I got it off my chest [phew emoticon]

OP posts:
Lio · 17/02/2007 19:53

Tell him you are going to have another birthday in a month's time, HE is going to organise it, and this is what you want to happen: x, y, z. Make it fierce enough that he KNOWS then draw a line under it and be friends again. Happy birthay for a month's time

issyissyissy · 17/02/2007 19:56

Hello. Happy birthday to you.
I am new to MN, is it ok to just join in with threads?
Well hope so.
If my dh had just done that and come back with socks for himself and nothing for me I would have shoved them in his mouth!! That is outrageous!! You must be very upset by now, I would be.
Hope you will remember to ignore his birthday completely.
I agree with the others, get yourself a takeaway and anything alse you fancy and dont share anything!

NurseyJo · 17/02/2007 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lizziemun · 17/02/2007 19:59

Happy Birthday Cashncarry

Could i suggest you order your takeaway (if you haven't had dinner yet) ignore his dinner and make sure he clears up.

When it is his birthday, don't do anything ignore the day like he is with you, and when he says something which he will, just say as you didn't get me anything again this year i thought we weren't do birthday's and see what happens.

2nervesleft · 17/02/2007 20:00

Cashncarry - are you sure there isn't £500 in that card? Not that it would excuse his shoddy behaviour but it would go someway towards compensating you will he arranges a lovely evening out.

LowFatMilkshake · 17/02/2007 21:52

Can I make you feel better Cashncarry?

DH and I have spent the eveing with a child each and each of us have been covered in sick! Yep DD has finally caught the gastric bug we all had earlier in the week, and DS has a nasty cough which make him chuck up.

Oh and in between rounds of vomitting and laundry I managed to cook the pizza omlettes - DD helped with hers before throwing up, so it went in the bin (dont want the bug back thank you) and DH and I had to eat in relays!

Sorry your DH is being a bit of a mule - can't believe he did'nt even take the hint when he phoned from the shops!

Still did you get your own takeaway?

Original poster
Cashncarry · 17/02/2007 22:15

No LFMS I didn't get the takeaway - I'm starving myself on principal

Your evening sounds horrendeous - fingers crossed that they're better tomorrow. I've had a couple of vomiting bugs with DD which were truly awful. I highly recommend plain boiled rice and lots and lots of water!

Hi Issyissyissy - welcome to MN In my short experience (about a year) it's perfectly okay to join threads whenever you feel like it. Mostly the opening poster will welcome advice from all quarters.

Am feeling super pants right now but tbh it's par for the course won't bore you with the dull details but basically our rship is on very shaky ground and DH has not done himself any favours...

Anyway, roll on next year!

OP posts:
Original poster
Cashncarry · 17/02/2007 22:18

Sorry it was lizzie mum who asked about the takeaway - and no, he didn't even clear up his cooking but I'm going to leave tackling the kitchen until tomorrow

2nervesleft - checked the card, no such luck just a stupid message saying words to the effect that I'm moody but he loves me anyway

Nurseryjo - not offended in the least. Bash away

OP posts:
2nervesleft · 17/02/2007 22:21

Clink
Cheer CnC.

Make yourself a promise now that whatever happens to your relationship, next year you will be out with your friends while your dh babysits. He has had his chance, time to take matters into your own hands. In fact why wait til next year sort something out for next weekend.

I'm so sorry you have had an unhappy birthday try not to take it to heart, man are twunts at the best of times.

2nervesleft · 17/02/2007 22:22

men obviously.

LowFatMilkshake · 17/02/2007 22:22

I'm so sorry your evening has not gone well.

I would be inclined by this stage to make a joke out of it with DH and suggest we go to bed and make up .

However since you have mentioned shaky ground I guess you might be feeling a bit to angry for that.

Original poster
Cashncarry · 17/02/2007 22:26

What a fab idea 2NervesLeft - will organise a night out immediately! What a good word "twunt" is - and so apt!

He fell asleep at 8pm LFMS so no chance of making up before the sun goes down so to speak. Will try to put it behind me tomorrow for my own sake anyway. No point bearing a grudge with someone I know is pretty useless at the thoughtful stuff!

Thanks for all the good advice guys - I do sometimes feel like I'm just terribly moody and ungrateful until I come on MN and realise that actually I'm not exactly expecting the moon!!

OP posts:
LowFatMilkshake · 17/02/2007 22:34

What on earth gives him the right to fall asleep at 8pm on a Saturday when you have been the one caring for DD and not geting much rest!

Poke him awake - or better still where are those socks - I am all for NJ's suggestion!

NurseyJo · 17/02/2007 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

littlelapin · 17/02/2007 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Cashncarry · 17/02/2007 22:48

lol at chucking wet socks at him! If he was mad at me ignoring the phone, don't you think he'd really lose it with that one? On second thoughts....

Seriously, he does have flu which I had last week and had to take a day off for. I think he's peed off because he doesn't get why I want the attention. Birthdays were always such a big deal in my family but I think in his didn't make such a big deal so maybe AdelaideS has a point...

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Rhian101 · 17/02/2007 23:07

Haven't read it all but - what a sod! Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Cashncarry, happy Birthday to you!

I turn up carrying gifts galore (including numerous necessary items from Ann Summers) and a HUGE cake!

Champagne all round methinks

Original poster
Cashncarry · 17/02/2007 23:12

Thanks Rhian - Hope it's a chocolate cake with chocolate filling and chocolate icing!!

I'd forgotten I didn't even get a cake so think I will remedy that at the shops tomorrow!

Happy Birthday to me indeed

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