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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD has painted her brother's face.

76 replies

HardLightHologram · 10/12/2016 17:59

Using my makeup.

Doublewear, my Benefit pallet, a Lancôme eyeliner. Etc.

More makeup than I would get through in six months.

A few months ago I found the £40 cleanser I'd 'lost' in her bedroom, empty. As you can imagine, words were had. So it's not like she doesn't know not to use my stuff.

She has just screamed at me that if I don't want her to use my stuff I shouldn't keep it in the family bathroom.

She is twelve.

She has masses and masses of her own stuff but she has just told me she prefers mine because it's nicer. No idea why she felt the need to use my nice stuff as fucking face paint on ds.

I can't even look at her right now. She also tried to blame her brother. She painted his face, but tried to tell us he did it.

Other than keep it under lock and key, how the fuck do I deal with this?

OP posts:
Lilicat1013 · 10/12/2016 18:15

Do you think she did this intentionally for the purpose of winding you up? It comes across that way with that much damage.

Personally I would make a point of borrowing/using/moving her stuff when ever she left it lying around. Move her phone, take a bite out of her sandwich /borrow her headphones that sort of thing. When she complains tell her she shouldn't have left them lying around if she didn't want them touched. That might help focus her mind a little about using someone else's things.

Probably not the most sensible solution, she does need to either pay for or work of the cost of your make up and definitely doesn't not deserve better stuff for herself. She shouldn't get rewarded for bad behaviour.

You might need a lockable box for your make up, which is crap in your own house but she has taken and used expensive things twice now.

Original poster
HardLightHologram · 10/12/2016 18:17

She's definitely done it for a reaction. She's spoiling for a fight.

OP posts:
ememem84 · 10/12/2016 18:19

I'd do as lilicat suggests. Anything left in "public" areas is fair game.

I'd also make her pay it back.

SaucyJack · 10/12/2016 18:21

Why is she spoiling for a fight?

Have you had a good week?

OurBlanche · 10/12/2016 18:21

Do you know why, Hard ?

bumsexatthebingo · 10/12/2016 18:24

I wouldn't suggest taking her things and escalating the situation/acting childishly. You want her to know what she did wasn't acceptable. Paying to repair the damage is what should happen. And obviously she will need to go a long way to show that she can be sensible enough with expensive make up.

SoupDragon · 10/12/2016 18:24

Using or moving any of her stuff that she leaves out just teaches her that it's OK to do it.

Make her pay for it, and the cleanser.

Original poster
HardLightHologram · 10/12/2016 18:26

We've had a brilliant week. We've taken them Christmas shopping and for lunch. This is what always happens when she's had a day out. It's like she doesn't cope with the good attention so she swings it back round to bad.

She possibly has some form of attachment disorder, and she is having input for this.

But I can't tolerate this.

Dh has said she has to pay me back, and she is banned from any makeup for a week. She is going to save her pocket money and buy her own nice stuff.

I'm a bit calmer now.

OP posts:
SaltyBitch · 10/12/2016 18:26

Definitely make her pay for it.

NavyandWhite · 10/12/2016 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 10/12/2016 18:27

She is 12, most of them are spoiling for fights. I know I was.

But that is no excuse. Im of the mindset of you take my things, I take yours.

And she doesnt get her shit back till she pays for yours.

Original poster
HardLightHologram · 10/12/2016 18:28

Interestingly dh said 'I bet you wouldn't paint ds's face with your own decent stuff' and she said of course she wouldn't.

OP posts:
AlpacaLypse · 10/12/2016 18:29

FloggingMolly I'm afraid that despite our best efforts using make-up once they get to secondary age is normal for girls. At least our school makes them wash obvious stuff off until they're 14, but they'd die of mortification if they were seen out at weekends without it. Very sad.

harderandharder2breathe · 10/12/2016 18:29

I don't think taking her things is the answer, you need to teach her to respect other people's things and you can't do that if you're messing with hers. 12 year olds are generally too self centred to see you're trying to teach them anything and will just escalate things.

She definitely needs to pay towards replacing the stuff she's ruined.

She can ask for nicer make up for her birthday or Christmas if you're not already sorted. But she can't take yours.

In the short term, it's worth tidying your make up away or throwing it into your room, so she doesn't have access to it. If you'd normally let her borrow stuff then don't until she's paid you back.

RevEm · 10/12/2016 18:30

Aye, it seems she doesn't understand how expensive it is....so yes, make her pay and she'll soon lear. But, she does have a point...., don't keep it in the family bathroom. Temptation may be too strong to resist!

SaucyJack · 10/12/2016 18:31

"It's like she doesn't cope with the good attention so she swings it back round to bad."

You know where this comes from. You can change your username in 10 seconds, but you can't change the situation that easily.

Take care dude. Keep swimming.

NavyandWhite · 10/12/2016 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

liviadrusilla · 10/12/2016 18:33

She should repay it - she's old enough to know better and after the £40 cleanser she did know better. Does she have enough to pay? If not, if you would usually spend more than £170 on her Christmas presents (big assumption I know!), can you take the money off what she would have received? That's restoring the situation back to normal. I would then impose whatever is your usual consequence for her rudeness, lying and trying to get her brother in trouble.

OurBlanche · 10/12/2016 18:33

Quick spot, Saucy!

Miserylovescompany2 · 10/12/2016 18:35

I think you should wrap up your spoiled makeup and gift it to your daughter. All the the Christmas money she receives, should go towards replacing yours...

bumsexatthebingo · 10/12/2016 18:36

Also how old i her brother? If he's older than a toddler I wouldn't be happy with his part in it either (unless she misled him and said it was hers or something or physically pinned him to apply it!).

happychristmasbum · 10/12/2016 18:36

Agree with saucy you have posted about her befor haven't you?

Does she have the money? If so make her pay it back in full right now - take it from her savings account or whatever. She will probably howl and complain but until you show her you mean it, she is going to continue in this vein.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 10/12/2016 18:37

buy yourself a lockable box for your good stuff, make her replace anything beyond repair and yes use anything of hers left in a communal space. I have boys but went through a phase of having to keep my 'good stuff' like decent skin care things and shampoo in my room as if I left it out they too saw it as fair game.

Redesul · 10/12/2016 18:40

Take all her make up away, put yours under lock & key, tell her she can pay for her own make up from now on, or she can pay off yours and apologise. I'd also do as other people suggested, just use whatever of hers she leaves lying around. You should be able to leave your belongings in your own home without risk of it being used/ruined.

I used to pick fights a lot at her age by doing these sorts of things (my mum wasn't around so the makeup thing is a bit alien to me). Does it happen a lot?

TheHiphopopotamus · 10/12/2016 18:41

Yeah, I'm with saucy and ourblanche This isn't about makeup, is it? This isn't the full story either.