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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just can't decide which of these two women is most stupid.

30 replies

MatildaTheCat · 10/12/2016 14:33

Actually I do have a view but wonder if others agree.

Will start by saying this is none of my business so IABU in discussing but anyway...

My friend is 59 and has never had children. She has a partner who is generally pretty hopeless with anything at all practical. She used to work with a woman who is younger and has one child aged just two. The younger friend was invited, verbally to a mutual friend's wedding many months ago and the child was included. Then almost immediately, the bride realised the venue wasn't suitable and said sorry, no children. This was more than six months before the wedding.

Friend with child went mad and went on and on about how awful this was so my friend offered to babysit the child for the whole day and evening. A little girl whom she has never even met. The friend has a childminder who she could have used for the whole day and overnight ( does this for work all the time) but accepted this offer to save money. She even requested they stay at the wedding overnight and went sad when friend said sorry but no.

I'm just aghast that my friend even offered. She doesn't want to do it and has literally no idea what a child of this age can or can't do ( we've tried to explain). Her friend is surely both selfish to ask and cruel to such a young child to leave her for 12 hours with a stranger, in a strange house and a stranger who has no idea at all? The wedding is about an hour's drive away.

It's today. I'm keeping my fingers crossed but am expecting a stressed call any time now.

Please don't say mind your own business, I know that.

OP posts:

Butterymuffin · 10/12/2016 14:36

Well, it'll be a learning curve for her. Hopefully nothing too precious will get broken . She might even enjoy it! My advice if asked would be to head for the nearest soft play area, and when child has had a good run about take her home and watch CBeebies. But, you know, worse things happen at sea..

MommaGee · 10/12/2016 14:46

I think your older friend is a grown up so can offer what she wants and just needs to suck it up. I think your younger friend is out of order to do that to her chikd

Crunchymum · 10/12/2016 14:47

You sound very judgey about this?

Why didn't you offer to help out?

aquabluepool · 10/12/2016 14:48

God it's looking after a 2 year old it's not rocket science

Crunchymum · 10/12/2016 14:48

The kid is 2 not 2 months?

It wouldn't be my choice to leave my 2yo with a stranger but it's not terrible??

Crunchymum · 10/12/2016 14:49

Stranger as in someone the child doesn't know.

specialsubject · 10/12/2016 14:51

unless the child has a 666 tattoo there is a limit to what it can do. Assuming the friend knows enough not to send it out to play with the traffic, not to give it fireworks and matches and not to play drinking games with it, the potential for lethal mayhem should be fairly limited.

BUT more worrying is that the friend doesn't want to do this free babysit. So a pair needs to be grown and the words, 'sorry, no' used.

ChicRock · 10/12/2016 14:52

She's 59 years old, I'm sure she's got enough life experience to be able to manage.

Sounds like you're almost gleefully waiting for that "stressed call".

BadToTheBone · 10/12/2016 14:54

She's 59 looking after a child, what a total non event.

AmeliaJack · 10/12/2016 14:55

I don't understand why you are so stressed about this? It's a two year old, they really aren't that hard.

Presumably they'll spend the day playing and making lots of mess.

I'm not sure why her age or whether she is a mother is relevant. I babysat loads of children before I'd ever had any of my own.

It's certainly not cruel and your friend shouldn't have offered if she didn't want to do it.

HardToDeal · 10/12/2016 14:55

I have a friend of a similar age with no children and I'd leave my 2yo with her if need be - why wouldn't I? She's a friend and I trust her, and she's as capable of putting CBeebies on or getting out a packet of Smarties as anyone else!

AmeliaJack · 10/12/2016 14:57

I don't understand the "can and can't do line".

What is it you friend is expecting the child to be able to do?

Oysterbabe · 10/12/2016 15:01

Looking after a 2 year old for 1 day really isn't that hard.

Liiinoo · 10/12/2016 15:04

It all sounds fine to me. She may never have had her own children but she probably knows that they are not made of asbestos, she shouldn't let her play with knives and not to give her gin before 6pm. It's only one day and I am sure they will all survive.

ElizabethHoney · 10/12/2016 15:05

It might work well...

I don't have children and am not very practical...

But it turns out I'm pretty good at looking after children (well, in as much as the children seem to have fun and they don't end up broken!). Even childless people can be good with children

jelliebelly · 10/12/2016 15:06

Why would looking after a 2 year old be such a drama? She might enjoy it! If she didn't want to do it she shouldn't have offered but apart from that YABU

RichardBucket · 10/12/2016 15:06

It sounds like a non-event all around.

I looked after a 3-year-old when I'd never looked after a kid younger than 7 and, guess what? It was absolutely fine. The only thing I got wrong was serving him way too much food and feeling foolish when he could only eat about 1/4 of it!

Original poster

MatildaTheCat · 10/12/2016 15:06

Ok, I'm ok with being told I'm judgey. I am a bit regarding the mother leaving her DC with someone she's never met. I'm definitely not wanting it to go wrong because my friend would be really upset and feel like it's her fault. I did offer to help and will if she calls but she says no need.

In terms of what she thinks a two year old can do, she was certain she'd be fully toilet trained ( horrified by nappy changing), communicate easily, do lots of exciting things like Santa visit and more.

I am probably projecting because my own DC couldn't be left with anyone without a major meltdown at this age and this child is almost certainly more chilled. But she's very young, not much more than a baby and friend has literally never cared for a child before and it's 12+ hours.

OP posts:

AmeliaJack · 10/12/2016 15:08

I forgot to say, in answer to your actual question: neither woman seems like an idiot they both seem to have made quite a normal arrangement.

Bluntness100 · 10/12/2016 15:09

People get baby sitters all the time and there is always s first time for sitting. Teenagers baby sit and they look after kids this age as well. And they do it just fine. In addition many of us have kids with no experience and babies are infinitely harder.

I don't see the fact she doesn't have kids as in any way relevant to her ability to look after a two year old. Obviously the friends friend trusts her. So no I don't think it's cruel.

I really don't see your personal issue with this. The mother is neither selfish or cruel and uour friend did a nice thing by offering.

aquabluepool · 10/12/2016 15:10

The thing is if you'd said your friend expected this and that from a 2 yo that's one thing but it's a bit off to suggest that because she hasn't got children she is stupid and won't know.

AmeliaJack · 10/12/2016 15:12

Nappy changing really isn't that difficult in general particularly in a two year old.

Unless the Mum is deeply neglectful then no doubt she'll have run over details like regular times for changes/meals/naps.

And again the Mum presumably knows how her DD will respond otherwise she wouldn't do it.

myoriginal3 · 10/12/2016 15:16

How do first time mothers cope?

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 10/12/2016 15:16

I left my 2 year old with a childless man in his 60's once (no choice, was in labout). It was fine. He (my son) was a very clingy child, and cried for about an hour, then my friend gave him cake and all was forgiven. They both ended up having a great time and falling asleep in front of the television after a Teletubbies marathon (and more cake).
Nobody knows what to do with a toddler until they actually have to, but all toddlers are different anyway.

228agreenend · 10/12/2016 15:22

Why are you aghast? I think it's a lovely, generous thing your older friend has done. It's up to the mum to decide whether she wants an inexperienced person to look after her child.

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