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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if there are any women who have never worked or only worked for a few years or is it just me?

75 replies

Pearlamelie · 09/12/2016 22:25

I graduated with an economics degree in 2006 and worked as a financial services assistant for 2 years (I had no idea what I wanted to do and just fell into this I was approached about the job by a family friend so thought why not). Two years later I found out I was pregnant, never went back after maternity leave and now 7 years down the line I have two dc, the youngest of which starts school next September. And I haven't worked since 2009. So I'm 31 and have only worked 2 years of my whole life. Is anyone else in this position? I want to get back into the job market when my youngest starts school but where do I start? My old job no longer appeals but I don't have any other skills! Or any idea what I want to do! Has anyone been in a situation like this and had a success story? Part of me now thinks I should of stayed in some kind of employment but I didn't really like my old job so was happy to escape! My DH is also keen for me to go back to work next September as it eases the financial pressure on him as he is self employed. He works in retail (owns a shop) and works mon-sat 8-6. He will carry on with this but it will be nice for us to not have to rely on one income anymore. Any ideas/stories welcome!

OP posts:

JackShit · 10/12/2016 11:36

Bliley! It all sounds a bit lazy imo.

btfly2 · 10/12/2016 11:40

It was me. I posted the thread before so now is pure coincidence I think!
I asked mumsnet to delete it because I was called "a journalist"! Anyway OP I'm glad another person is interested and asked about a very similar things.

YelloDraw · 10/12/2016 13:12

I also had some more interesting casual jobs - but even the 'fun' ones had downsides. My favorate casual job was working for an extreme sports outfit, I carried on working there on Saturdays long into my professional working life because the pay was so good, you got lunch and the team were awesome. But my god it fucked your hands up so much - I used to be on harnesses usually and my hands would be in shreads at the end of the day. Never seemed to develop useful hard skin.

PinkCrystal · 10/12/2016 14:10

I worked for 2 years had DD at 18 then worked pt a couple of years and them 17 years sah with 5 DC. The last 6 I was studying for a degree. I helped out in the kids school occasionally.

This was partly through choice and party due to circumstance. 2 DC has SN and weekly lengthy appointments. DH works awful changing shifts and sometimes away. Also I went through some horrible losses which left me with anxiety and ptsd. I would never have managed to work in that state of mind.

I have now gone back as a mature student and training as a health professional. There are many on my course in a similar position who had long periods at home.

Original poster

Pearlamelie · 10/12/2016 15:17

It's good to hear of so many different situations thank you. My mum never worked and when I was younger I wanted to work on a makeup counter, my dad was horrified! So off I went to uni while working weekends in various retail jobs which I hated at the time, I just got bored and found them soul destroying. After I left uni I stayed at home for a year and sold things on eBay while dreaming of a theatrical makeup course, I secretly signed up for it but my mums friend found me a job in a small financial services company so I jumped at the chance to make them proud and did not join the theatrical makeup course. I had thought of joining it next year but it just won't fit in with the kids, the course is expensive and I would end up paying for childcare as we have no family who can help. I've thought of becoming a nail tech but again I'm not sure. maybe I just need a job, any job, but I would really like the chance to find some sort of career this time something I could enjoy.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pearlamelie · 10/12/2016 15:20

mindtrope that sounds lovely. I would love to sell on eBay for a living, I did it for a year but only managed a few hundred a month profit, I would love to be my own boss though, I did have a look last night at wholesale makeup thinking I could set up an account selling makeup but there seemed to be a lot out there already....

OP posts:

SaltyBitch · 10/12/2016 15:22

OP, do you actually want to work? Honestly.

Original poster

Pearlamelie · 10/12/2016 15:22

My husband does a retail shop and Ebay selling men's clothing, before that he was a retail manager in a well known store. He keeps trying to think of ideas for me, his best one was help him out in the shop and do the book keeping, I wouldn't get an actual wage though but I guess it's family money. I feel like a bit of a charity case though!

OP posts:

Original poster

Pearlamelie · 10/12/2016 15:24

Yes I do but not in something soul destroying as I have been there before. I told myself once the kids start school I will find a career I actually like this time.

OP posts:

SaltyBitch · 10/12/2016 15:25

So why are you letting your DH suggest things for you?

Do the research yourself! It is very clear that the beauty world is where you want to be, so make that happen. For yourself!

Original poster

Pearlamelie · 10/12/2016 15:27

I guess I don't know where to start with it or if it's even possible. I've looked at some Beauty courses and they are so expensive and my husband is worried about the chance of employment afterwards. The courses are thousands!

OP posts:

SnatchedPencil · 10/12/2016 15:30

No, I don't personally know any women who've never worked or only worked a few years by the time they are in their early thirties. To be honest none of the mothers I know could afford to not work.

You need to go back to work gradually as it may be a bit of a shock, especially if it is not in the same field you were in before. Be prepared too for potential employers to not be too enamoured with the idea of taking you on. You are an unknown quantity, you haven't worked for several years and therefore they won't know whether it is worth taking the risk of employing you to see whether you can handle a job again. Yes you've got a valid reason for not having worked, but employers tend not to like uncertainties.

Start slowly and try to work part-time. Once you demonstrate you can do a job (and you can do a job - it's a matter of being arsed to do it), that you can hold down a job even if it's shit, then better work is more likely to come along.

You will have to accept though that no job is perfect. In most jobs there are things that people loathe, they are there because they have to work to survive. Attitude is the most important thing. People chop and change between jobs, always seeming to "hate" their current one - but it's usually that they cannot accept that working in a job you dislike is a daily reality for millions of people.

Flingmoo · 10/12/2016 15:33

I've never worked full time! I worked 30 hours a week on a graduate programme while studying for a further degree as part of that programme. Then after that I went on maternity leave for a year and came back to a new role only 21 hours a week. I still feel like it's too much, TBH. I just don't feel like I'm very motivated when it comes to employment, I suppose I'm a bit workshy I am thinking of giving up work completely after my next baby. I'm only 26 though so I'm a bit worried what the implications would be in the future - if I have the next 10+ years as a SAHM where does that leave me when I'm in my mid-40s and the kids have grown up?! I'll be a dosser? It's one thing being a stay at home mum but being a stay at home wife would surely be taking the piss?

I'd like to know what long-term stay at home mums usually do after a decade-or-more long career gap...

Original poster

Pearlamelie · 10/12/2016 15:33

I have also been researching jobs on the beauty sector but they all need the expensive qualifications (they are only free to school leavers). I've applied for 5 makeup counter positions since September but haven't even had an interview. I wonder if I could ask to do work experience or am I too old??

OP posts:

Original poster

Pearlamelie · 10/12/2016 15:36

mamushka my mum gave up work after having me and my brother and never went back. I'm not really sure what she did it just seemed normal to us that she didn't work. When we left home she just carried on doing the cleaning and the cooking, she just said there was alot less of it!

OP posts:

SaltyBitch · 10/12/2016 15:40

I've applied for 5 makeup counter positions since September but haven't even had an interview.

Thats not a lot in today's job market, nowhere near. I applied for 30+ for my entry level role, and even then I was doing well.

You just have to keep going until you get one. You can't give up because of five poxy no's.

Original poster

Pearlamelie · 10/12/2016 15:42

I can't find more to apply for though there doesn't seem to be many positions, I look everyday. Can you think of anything else related I could apply for? I've looked at fragrance counters too, spa receptionist, but cannot think of anything else I could do unqualified to get into this industry?

OP posts:

SaltyBitch · 10/12/2016 15:50

Where are you based?

That will be having a big impact upon what you can apply for.

frenchfancy · 10/12/2016 15:51

Would you consider teaching? With a degree in economics perhaps you could retrain to be a maths teacher. I think you do a SKE course to get your maths back up to speed then a year long PGCE, for which you can get a Bursary. Maths teachers are very much in demand.

ethelb · 10/12/2016 15:58

Slightly left field suggestion but could you expand/launch the online wing of the retail business?

Original poster

Pearlamelie · 10/12/2016 16:03

I live in a small town probably why there are not many positions locally or in surrounding areas in a 30 mile radius

OP posts:

daisypond · 10/12/2016 16:05

I don't know any SAHMs now. When my DC were small children, sometimes a parent would give up work for the primary school years, or possibly or work part-time during that time. I went back to work after six months - that was all maternity leave was in my day. The people who gave up work for a period of time were usually those who were older mothers who had managed to amass quite a few savings in the years they had worked, so they could afford to do it. I don't know anyone who relied on a husband's wage long-term.

Original poster

Pearlamelie · 10/12/2016 16:09

I don't think I would make a good teacher, I've been helping in my daughters class one morning a week and I am in awe of what teachers have to do. It's like crowd control and I have no idea how they manage to teach them the national curriculum at the same time!

OP posts:

Original poster

Pearlamelie · 10/12/2016 16:10

That's a good idea about my DH business. Maybe I could help him expand into women's clothing. Food for thought!

OP posts:

Original poster

Pearlamelie · 10/12/2016 16:17

Thanks everyone some interesting ideas. And nice to hear other people's experiences. I think I'm going to look into:

Working in DH shop and helping with the book keeping while studying book keeping and help with the online shop (I won't get paid but it will be experience) maybe I could even research adding in a women's line of clothing

Looking for a part time office job even a junior level and start from there

Thanks everyone for your help and inspiration! Hopefully some others have been inspired too who haven't had much work experience...

OP posts:

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