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AIBU?

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Original poster

To hang up on my mother

41 replies

sanityisamyth · 09/12/2016 22:20

Mother and I have a very difficult relationship. She doesn't, and never has, treat me like a daughter. She neglected me for years whilst I was growing up. I went NC a few years ago but she got back in touch after my DS was born. Fast forward a few years...

Today was DS's nativity performance. He's 2, nearly 3. All of the cast were 4 or younger. DS loved being on the stage and in front of an audience and got thoroughly over excited, and ended up bouncing about the stage during the final song.

At the time mother said it was a lovely nativity and how nice it all was. She'd taken her video camera and recorded all of the bit with DS in it.

I got a phone call about 8pm. Was mother. Apparently her and my DS (who loves shit stirring and making nasty comments) were having a conversation and they've concluded, in all seriousness, that my DS must be deaf as he didn't seem to notice that there was a song being sung. I pointed out he was 2 then hung up.

DS has been in nurseries since he was 8 months and no-one has ever ever questioned his hearing. Mother seems to thoroughly enjoy pointing out things that are wrong with me, my life, and now my DS. Am seriously pissed off with her.

OP posts:
MistressMerryWeather · 09/12/2016 22:32

They just decided he's deaf? That is ridiculous.

Sounds like it was the last straw so good for you for hanging up.

Don't let them pull the 'We're only saying because we care' crap either.

There must be something in the air because I hung up on my parents tonight for similar behaviour - Something I have never done or thought I would do but it's just too much sometimes, isn't it?

You have my sympathies this evening. Wine

Original poster
sanityisamyth · 09/12/2016 22:35

Thanks Mistress. Why do people have to say spiteful things just to get a rise out of someone? My DSister was writing nasty things on FB too about DSon's nativity. I was soooooo proud of him and they've just ruined it now :(

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Mynestisfullofempty · 09/12/2016 22:37

Don't have any more to do with them. Why would you? They just want to make you miserable, so don't let them. Horrible people.

pipsqueak25 · 09/12/2016 22:38

i'd cut my ties with both tbh, you don't need this nor does your son, focus on your memories of the nativity and the fun ds had if you can. the two idiots are welcome to each other,

Original poster
sanityisamyth · 09/12/2016 22:40

Thanks mynest. I went NC a few years back and it was sooooo lovely. Marriage has since fallen apart and now finally (after 2 years) at the end of a messy divorce so didn't really have the strength or energy to keep telling them to fuck off. I'll have to make more of an effort.

Also got to think of a way of not having to drive 600 mile round trip for Christmas with DS to spend it with two sisters I literally never want to see again (one is moving to NZ in February so that might become easy!)

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MozzchopsThirty · 09/12/2016 22:41

I hang up on my mother when she's a twat, I just can't be standing for that anymore

She's actuallly pretty good lately due to the above

Original poster
sanityisamyth · 09/12/2016 22:41

Thanks Pipsqueak :) nice to know I'm not overreacting :) x

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Original poster
sanityisamyth · 09/12/2016 22:42

That sounds good Mozz!

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gamerchick · 09/12/2016 22:42

You're doing pretty good from what you've said.

Delete your sister from facebook. I have a brother deleted and his girlfriend blocked. Neither of them have dared ask why. Its very liberating.

Original poster
sanityisamyth · 09/12/2016 22:44

Thanks gamer :) I did put them on a restricted list for a bit so they couldn't see what I was up to. Might well be time to do it again!

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MistressMerryWeather · 09/12/2016 22:45

Yep, delete her.

She honestly doesn't even sound worth confronting.

You and your son deserve better than that.

Original poster
sanityisamyth · 09/12/2016 22:49

Good plan everyone :) some people are just too toxic

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Butterymuffin · 09/12/2016 22:53

I imagine your DS will come down with something near Christmas Day and you'll just have to stay home. Wink Not that you couldn't just tell them no, but it saves hassle.

Graphista · 09/12/2016 22:56

I've made the mistake of getting back in contact it's understandable but it rarely works because they don't actually change.

Sod em! Bet your son stole the show in a fantastic way! I love when kids go off script as otherwise these things can be quite repetitive.

Original poster
sanityisamyth · 09/12/2016 22:58

Buttery I've tried saying no :( Christmas is supposed to be with my dad and step mother but they're forcing me to spend time with my other abusive sister for 3 days (also with my DS). They have no comprehension of why I wouldn't want to see someone who was so horrendous to me for 7 years of my life :(

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RunRabbitRunRabbit · 09/12/2016 23:02

Doesn't matter that they don't understand. Fuck them. Don't go. Don't even bother giving a reason. Just change your plans and announce by text. Maybe they'll be so pissed off they will have a 5 year sulk. Best result ever.

1mouse2 · 09/12/2016 23:04

My dm and I alwys had an up and down relationship(a total personality clash). It got easier once we had the Irish sea between us as I could easily control the amount of contact we had when I slammed the phone down on her turned to dh and said" now do you see why we've got the fucking Irish Sea between us and if she phones back I'm not fucking in!. It was a couple of months before we spoke again.

MistressMerryWeather · 09/12/2016 23:05

They cannot force you to do anything. Tell yourself and repeat 'I make my own decisions'.

Honestly, life if too bloody short for all of this.

Will you have a lovely time with your dad? Will your son have a better Christmas there?

Ohyesiam · 09/12/2016 23:10

The comments say loads about her, and nothing about you or your D's.
Make some distance between you, toxic people will just drain your energy and push your buttons, and for them it's a hobby. You deserve better.
Have a lovely Christmas with your ds.

Ohyesiam · 09/12/2016 23:14

Just read the thread a bit better.
You really don't have to do anything to please them. Even if you can't do it for your self, Judy think of the crap example it will show your DS, with you going along with nasty people to keep the peace.

fourpawswhite · 09/12/2016 23:44

Awful, ignore ignore ignore. Not being pedantic but just to clarify for me, when you say dm and ds were having discussion were you meaning DF or DH or DB? Just to clear my muddled mind and not being a pedant corner....BlushFlowers

lalalalyra · 09/12/2016 23:52

Is your abusive sister having Christmas dinner at your Dad's?

If so stay at home. If not go to your Dad's. Your Mum and sister can't actually force you to go anywhere so choose what you want to do and do that.

Original poster
sanityisamyth · 10/12/2016 00:31

Thanks everyone. All I want is for DS to be happy and safe. I have 2 sisters. One was taking great delight earlier at DS being "deaf" and the only spent many years abusing me. Both will be at my dad's at Christmas. Dad wants me to bring DS with me, a 300 mile drive to his house so "we can all be together at Christmas". I really don't want to go! Would rather have a pub lunch with a friend of mine on the day!

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Original poster
sanityisamyth · 10/12/2016 00:32

*the other spent

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Original poster
sanityisamyth · 10/12/2016 00:33

fourpaws - was DM and DSister chatting at DM's house, watching the video that DM had recorded.

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