To hang up on my mother

[sanityisamyth]

Mother and I have a very difficult relationship. She doesn't, and never has, treat me like a daughter. She neglected me for years whilst I was growing up. I went NC a few years ago but she got back in touch after my DS was born. Fast forward a few years...

Today was DS's nativity performance. He's 2, nearly 3. All of the cast were 4 or younger. DS loved being on the stage and in front of an audience and got thoroughly over excited, and ended up bouncing about the stage during the final song.

At the time mother said it was a lovely nativity and how nice it all was. She'd taken her video camera and recorded all of the bit with DS in it.

I got a phone call about 8pm. Was mother. Apparently her and my DS (who loves shit stirring and making nasty comments) were having a conversation and they've concluded, in all seriousness, that my DS must be deaf as he didn't seem to notice that there was a song being sung. I pointed out he was 2 then hung up.

DS has been in nurseries since he was 8 months and no-one has ever ever questioned his hearing. Mother seems to thoroughly enjoy pointing out things that are wrong with me, my life, and now my DS. Am seriously pissed off with her.

Stay at home for Xmas.

Do it for your son's sake if not yours He deserves to spend Christmas with people who want to be nice to him.

Definitely heading in that direction saucy :)

Still can't get my head around what mother said

Dad wants me to bring DS with me, a 300 mile drive to his house so "we can all be together at Christmas"

I won't be attending, it doesn't work for me. Life is far too short to spend it with abusive and unpleasant twats. A blood relationship does not give someone an automatic pass to bully you and behave like an arsehole.

If you wouldn't tolerate it from a friend, then there is your threshold. Enjoy your improved and twat-free life!

Definitely do the pub lunch with your friend. And either tell your dad it's too much for you to do the trip or, if that would cause too many ructions, have DS 'come down with a bad cold' just before and say he's not fit to travel. All totally justified.

Also got to think of a way of not having to drive 600 mile round trip for Christmas with DS to spend it with two sisters I literally never want to see again (one is moving to NZ in February so that might become easy!)

This is easy. Just text and say you're not going and then don't go.

I'm being facetious but you don't have to do what they tell you. Do what is going to make you and your DS happiest.

Thanks everyone :) definitely nice to know I'm not overreacting!! Have put mother and sister on a limited profile on FB so they can only see certain things. Will work on Christmas!! X

YANBU - you need to put yourself and your ds first this Christmas

I'm really sorry your relationship with your mother is so hard, it is very hurtful when a parent doesn't care for you the way they should.

I was on the phone with my mother for an hour and a half a few days ago. She asked three things about how I was doing in that time, and interrupted each time after I said a sentence or two and then carried on with her own monologue. She even went on about how she was 'so angry' on someone's behalf due to their enforced retirement, insisting I didn't know all the details and she must tell me them, despite me getting a Christmas card from said person the day before containing a round robin letter explaining it, the letter even had an additional addendum attached explaining exactly what had happened.

I never see any anger or any other even miniscule glimpse of any caring emotion about her own daughter.

Your mother should be proud of her grandson and you for him doing such a lovely performance. It says everything about her that she feels she has to put you both down to make herself feel better.

I have had many issues with my mother for a long time, the best thing I have found to deal with it is to set firm boundaries when something they say isn't right, and pull them up and correct them each time. If it upsets you too much to deal with the behaviour, go low or no contact for your own peace of mind.
Your son sounds like he is having a wonderful time getting involved with all the fun of Christmas, and no one can take that away from him or you.

Hi Pixel - sounds exactly like my mother :( I often wonder why she had children as she is the least maternal person in the world. She had three, and was shit with all of us. My mother will rabbit on and on about her work, and about her colleagues - people I've never met, or am likely to meet, usually slagging them off and telling me how brilliant she is. I'm sick of it. She refers to my sisters as "her daughters" to me, as if I don't actually count. It's bloody hurtful.

I've e-mailed her in the past just to hit a lot of truths home, which did work for a bit. I've restricted her access to my Facebook account, and will continue to ignore her for a bit.

I still need to work out a good plan of not going up North to see my dad and step mother at Christmas - that will open a whole other can of worms, but I do need to put DS and me first.

Thanks everyone :)

It's terrible how norovirus can hit at the last minute, rendering you totally incapable of travelling up for Christmas. I suggest it strikes on the morning that you are to travel. If anyone makes s fuss, give them loads of off putting details about how intimately acquainted with the toilet the norovirus has made you :) :)

Yellowfrog - I love it!!

Glad to help! Have a good Christmas with the "norovirus" ;)

Oh good grief, sanity you poor thing. I can't imagine how poorly you must feel. Such a pity to miss Christmas. Still, best stay tucked up, nice and warm. Drink plenty of fluids and rest up! At least your little'un is still too young to really understand too much about what he is missing **

** DO NOT READ until Dec 23/24

Definitely!! Will be feeling really rotten Temperature, fever, D&V!! Just hoping DS doesn't catch it

Poor you hun.

Don't forget to let them know that you'll be switching your phone off when you go back to bed, just so they don't try and ring you to check how you are.

Good thinking SaucyJack!