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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To disagree with attendance awards

179 replies

LittleMissUpset · 09/12/2016 15:46

DS2 came home from school with some chocolate and a certificate DS1 didn't because he had a CAMHS appointment and is now awaiting assessment for ASD, therefore didn't get the attendance award.

I explained to DS1 that school are measured on attendance and they are just trying to encourage the children, but it's not his fault and it's unfair so I will buy him some chocolate too.

It really is unfair, as even if children are off ill it's not their fault.

AIBU to disagree with attendance awards?

OP posts:

HaveNoSocks · 09/12/2016 16:44

MyKidsHaveTakenMySanity

Your post makes literally no sense to me. Your kids were coincidentally only be sick during the holidays. It was nothing to do with effort or skill on your or their part. You might as well say my son is the tallest in his class and I want him to be rewarded for it.

bumpetybumpbumpbump · 09/12/2016 16:48

I remember my Ds being hospitalised and off school for two weeks and receiving a letter threatening a social worker. Dear me. It's just hoops schools have to jump through. I completely disagree with these awards too, having children with chronic health conditions.

In fact let's start an award for children and parents who manage (often with difficulty) to keep contagious children away from large groups where there will always be at least 1 child who could be seriously compromised by sickness.

habibihabibi · 09/12/2016 16:48

YANBU
Children get sick and injured and awards aren't appropriate especially in juniors .
It really got to me when the headteachers comment on my reception aged sons report stated "... should aim to improve his attendance " The 5 days of school he in a year missed were spent in hospital and recovering after he got hit by a car on the school crossing .

Trifleorbust · 09/12/2016 16:49

HaveNoSocks: Nope. I mean on those days where it's wet and cold and they could make an excuse to mum and dad (they're 15), they often don't. And I know this because they tell me: "I'm trying to get my attendance up, Miss." And I love that.

archersfan22 · 09/12/2016 16:50

I'm not looking forward to this when mine gets to school age as he has a number of outpatient appointments a year. Some of them are more flexible and could be postponed to the holidays but others are completely inflexible, you just have to take the appointment you're given. All would require at least half a day off school, some would need to be all day as we're in a rural area.
It seems very unfair to count the inflexible ones in the attendance stats as there is absolutely nothing I can do about it (other than not take him to the appointment I suppose).

Sirzy · 09/12/2016 16:50

Schools can track, and if needed intervene, without agressive letters or attendance awards though. Both are actually pretty lazy methods which aren't really going to work with those who need it is it.

If a child is in hopsital and the school are aware of this then what is going to be gained by pestering the parents with letters?

neverundersold · 09/12/2016 16:52

My eldest DD regularly received 100% attendance awards during years 4,5 &6 which she bought home and threw in the bin because she thought it was daft being rewarded for being lucky (her words). My youngest DD struggled with attendance due to asthma, the school took a hard line and completely alienated her as she could not understand why she was being criticized for being unwell.

Funnyface1 · 09/12/2016 16:54

I agree. I think school's are putting so much pressure on the children and parents. I got hassled by the school attendance officer over a few days my boy had off with a sickness bug. He had taken ill at school (been sick) and they had sent him home, but she still made out that I may be keeping him off without real cause! Grinds my gears.

Trifleorbust · 09/12/2016 16:54

Sirzy: But letters are a separate issue to awards, aren't they? I agree that there are times when attendance letters are sent out with a little too much zealotry - I've been asked to call parents myself after two weeks of the academic year before to tell parents that their child's attendance is unacceptable

But certificates for impeccable attendance aren't the same issue.

Witchend · 09/12/2016 16:54

Dd1 was up most of the night with earache. I sat with her. She fell asleep at 4am.
She chose to get up at 7.30 and go to school.
She's got water trapped behind some wax causing the pain.
She's also been to school with toothache, and chosen to go back to school after things like music exams.
She's also had 100% attendance for 8 years now.
She does work at it. It is an achievement.

My other two will never get that, as they are much more inclined to feel they can't possibly manage,a day at school at a far lower bar.

MyKidsHaveTakenMySanity · 09/12/2016 16:55

Okay I know full well the two occasions of illness luckily coincided with holidays, but my kids also aren't kept off for silly little reasons that many of their classmates are. Kids allowed to stay off through having the sniffles or coughs. One recently was allowed to stay home because they'd been up late due to a family event! Mine are sent to bed, excused from the event or have to suck it up and go to school a little tired.
I make all appointments for after or before school. I picked my kids up from holiday very early in the morning so they didn't miss a day. And like I said, the healthy eating and bedtimes works for us. If my kids get a well done for not skipping/missing school then great.

RebelRogue · 09/12/2016 16:56

If it's the only award of that type(in assembly cheered on,little rewards etc) then YANBU.
If it's one of many in the same circumstances (our school has weekly award/certificate assembly,homework award,sports award,attendance award, little prize for knowing their times tables,speech cup etc ) then YABU. It's one of the many chances for everyone to get something,sit on that stage,be cheered,take home a certificate. There is a little boy with SEN at the school that has very limited speech or ability for writing,reading,sport,maths etc . He comes in every day though and as such it's his only opportunity (besides the class achievement thingy that everyone gets at some point) to be up there and get something. It makes him happy.

Bubble2bubble · 09/12/2016 16:58

YANBU these make me seeth with rage. DD2 only managed 50% attendance last year. as she was in hospital so much. The kids who were either very lucky or went to school sick and passed round the bugs that put her in hospital were up on stage getting their 100% attendance certificates.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/12/2016 16:58

Sanity. You might be eating those words later on down the line, you know. When they're in senior school literally no matter how htd you try refusing to go in. What ate you going to do then?. Put them in a pram and wheel them to school. Sometimes with the best will in the world. Theresonly so much anyone can including parents can do. Be mindful thatyou might fall into that bracket one day.
I also don't Like the way you said. My children never get ill. Its that simple.
As though children get sick or are born with a disability on purpose, ffs.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/12/2016 17:01

Sorry for the typos phone went loopy. Takes after it's owner.

Lweji · 09/12/2016 17:02

Okay I know full well the two occasions of illness luckily coincided with holidays

Why did you use them as examples, instead of the other times when you were actually in control, then?

My DS is sent to school even if he had a fever the night before, but not if he wakes up with the fever.

Which is why school should evaluate the reasons for missing days and reward based on that, not lucky perfect attendance.

MyKidsHaveTakenMySanity · 09/12/2016 17:02

When they're in senior school literally no matter how htd you try refusing to go in. What ate you going to do then?. Put them in a pram and wheel them to school. well yes. Yes I will be dragging their asses in. I'm pretty sure that 5 or 15, I'm still their mum right? Or do we parents quit parenting at the teen years?

Lweji · 09/12/2016 17:07

I know the case of a boy actually goes into school and then doesn't show up for classes.

There are limits to what a parent can achieve. Sure, you can punish them, but short of kicking them out, I'd hope I'd motivate my son and give him responsibility over his own education rather than drag his arse to schoo.

DailyFail1 · 09/12/2016 17:08

So what happens if a kid is sent in with flu and gives it to a child just returned from chemo, and the child then has to take 2 months off?

Trifleorbust · 09/12/2016 17:10

It's a hard truth that teaching your kids that attendance is super important when it isn't (like in primary school, when missing a few days really won't hurt), sending them in even when you would love to keep them off (little headache, little cold), not listening to ropey excuses and going out of your way to schedule routine appointments for after school, will probably mean that you don't have to struggle with them when it is important (exam years).

Obviously there are a great many students who would attend school if they possibly could and whose attendance issues genuinely cannot be helped, but it is another harsh truth that not getting a certificate for 100% attendance is probably going to be the least of their worries They need more specialist support.

Trifleorbust · 09/12/2016 17:12

DailyFail1: You should never send your child to school with flu. And I have had flu once - I couldn't have gone to school if you had paid me a million pounds. Most of the time, though, "I have the flu" means "I have a runny nose and a headache." Not the same thing at all.

donajimena · 09/12/2016 17:13

My youngest 'made' me go to school when we had severe snow a couple of years ago because the headteacher said they weren't closing.. so he would get his 100%
We arrived at the school (by car its not in walking distance) only for a blizzard to descend upon us of which I have never seen the like..
Cue headteacher announcing she would be closing after all. I abandoned the car and walked the 4 miles home.
He didn't get the 100% as it wasn't fair on other children. With parents more sensible than me clearly.
Got my car back a week later. I have never been keen on attendance awards since

OurBlanche · 09/12/2016 17:14

So what happens if a kid is sent in with flu and gives it to a child just returned from chemo, and the child then has to take 2 months off?

Same as happens in real life. For everyone else life continues. For them some things become impossible, for a while or maybe forever. They and their family must adapt to a world that does not revolve around them and so, often, doesn't meet their every need - just as it doesn't meet everyone elses every need. Life is shit if you fall ill, you must work harder to get/maintain equity.

That is what happens... the wider world rolls on. What would you like it to do - realistically?

DailyFail1 · 09/12/2016 17:15

Trifle - cousin's son is in hospital with swine flu as some git did send their child to school with the flu. She's a top performer and adores school and would be there if she could but some idiot parent scuppered her chances.

Permanentlyexhausted · 09/12/2016 17:15

I can't see the big deal tbh.

There are hundreds of things children get rewarded for (or not) and almost every single one of them is down to luck one way or another. Health, or the lack of it, is just one area of life governed by luck. So is intelligence, sporting prowess, parental income, mental health, etc. It's just luck that Johnny is good at football and Samantha is good at maths. And in the UK, every single one of us is lucky that we don't live in Syria. Even hard work is largely down to luck - luck that you have the physical and/or mental strength to be able to work hard.

So I don't see what all the fuss about this particular manifestation of luck is all about.

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