to be annoyed about teachers assuming there's always a parent at home?

[mangoparfait]

Went to parents evening earlier this week with DC, who has mocks in Jan.

All the teachers have agreed to offer additional support after school to pupils who need it. Which is great, not knocking that at all. I think it's a really good thing.

Attendance is voluntary, but as DC mentioned during the parents eve that some general revision help would be useful, plus more specifically there were certain elements of 2 subjects that just hadn't 'clicked', teachers and I agreed coming to the afterschool sessions would be helpful. DC mentioned they'd planned to come to one earlier in the week, but forgot, came home after school (we live 10 mins from school) and went out to play sport. Oh, says teacher 1, next time you do that, your mum will have to just send you back to school (nodding at me).

To which I said I'd happily do so, except for the fact I'm not at home at 3.10pm, I'm at work. Teacher looked amazed.

Fair enough I thought - until we then had a similar conversation with the next teacher!

I quite understand DC needs to stay for these sessions, and am not seeking to argue that, it is for their benefit, and although going at the end of a school day can seem an unexciting prospect, equally it will help them. And they need to make sure they remember (which I can help with by calling/ texting them as a reminder after school). But I won't be at home as I work ft!

Is that really so unusual? If it was one teacher I'd have brushed it off, but 2, I'm a bit surprised tbh.

My Ds' school changed the date of the early years nativity play with 24 hours notice and seem genuinely surprised by the reaction they got. They just don't get that we have jobs and might actually have done our best to organise our working lives so that we can watch our children.

Then there's the last minute requests for all manner of stuff. It's all eminently doable but not when i finally get home at 6pm and you want it tomorrow.

I hear much from.teachers about the planning they do so where is it? If i am delivering training in the outer hebrides you can comfortably bet that i haven't ordered my resources 24 hours earlier. Tell us everything we need to do and tell us early.

cue looks of surprise/amazement

So this thread is based purely on a 'look'?!

Wow.

Without the thread title, I would have taken from the OP that they have dedicated teachers at their DCs school, who give their time freely to support and help their DC succeed. Yet the entire focus on it is based on a 'look' the teacher gave, which annoyed the OP.

Give me strength.

Yeah, it's called body language (or non verbal communication) - a hugely effective way of conveying what you really think. Teacher obviously didn't do a good job of hiding her feelings on this, irrespective of how dedicated she is.

Or, the teacher's look was for something else entirely. People misinterpret body language all the time.
The fact here is, as nothing was actually said to back up the OP's interpretation, we are all just speculating and it just seems a weak link to start a teacher bashing thread

It certainly strikes a chord with many us who were back full time working with younge babies of a few months old never mind huge great 5 year olds.

I think primary schools in particular should stop assuming one parent will not work. It is not as bad in private schools where you often need two full time wages to pay the school fees actually but there still could be more recognition that many women work full time and plenty of us are the family's major earner. My children's father (teacher) was once refused a pay rise the head joked because I (this wife) earned too much! Also the female teachers were let home earlier but he (even though he was the secondary wage earner and the person who had to chase back home every day for 6pm to let our daily nanny go home) wasn't as he is male so it was assumed sexism prevailed at home!

Yanbu. I have this a lot with school. My favourite was when I mentioned at school drop off a very minor issue that ds was having with his school work, and the TA said, 'would you like to see the teacher after school?' I replied 'sorry, i can't - I work' her response 'what, every day?!!'

And people refuse to believe the OP. How about accepting that a look of surprise was what she saw (it's a fairly obvious expression) and that there was no teacher bashing but simply an observation (backed up by others) that some teachers and some schools don't seem to have grasped the fact that mums as well as dads work nowadays , and for most working adults the day very definitely doesn't end at 3pm.

It certainly strikes a chord with many us who were back full time working with younge babies of a few months old never mind huge great 5 year olds.

Yes. It's wearying that some teachers on threads like this prefer to attack the OP and maintain that no such issue exists, rather than listening to parents' experiences and acknowledging that this may be an issue in some schools.

It certainly is in my DS's. It baffles me, given the vast majority of them are women who work.

When DS was being investigated for SN the teacher and senco had me in a meeting where they told me they thought DS would be better behaved if he had a parent at home. I'm also a single parent.

I asked them what good that would do as his behaviour was only a problem at school because they weren't helping him, only punishing (he has ASD and was overwhelmed in the classroom, home is calm and quiet and his safe space). They said that as I was a single parent his home life was 'unstable'. I told them it was a damn sight more stable than when my ex was threatening to kill me.

The teacher finally said "Well, you obviously aren't going to accept our expert opinions, but let's just agree you'll cut your hours down." Then wrote it down as a "Target".

It was at that point I told her I was well on my way to qualifying as a psychologist, which sent them both into a bit of a backpedalling flap.

DS is now empowered and fully in control of his issues at a different school. I never reduced my hours (although I decided not to finish the last part of my training). Teacher left the school and last time I saw her she was the checkout operator in a local supermarket.

I still get narked when the head smarmily asks me "So, I'll see Mum at the cake sale this afternoon?"

No, Mum will be ensuring that the local hospital's infrastructure is working, thanks.

And don't get me fucking started on the PTA and all the times they organised events "so the husbands can make it".

I couldn't agree more- having to rearrange my work so I can attend the nativity play is perhaps to be expected, but the weekly phonics session that I can't attend but that my son is desperate for me to be there is upsetting all round.

I don't see the school because my and DHs work means DS goes to the before school and after school club. Nursery was much easier. As for summer Playscheme's that run from 9-3, oh fgs what am I supposed to do for the rest of the day?!

I hear much from.teachers about the planning they do so where is it?

Yeah, planning is a myth. We stand in front of children 6 hours a day, 5 days a week and make it up as we go along.

Ds1 (12 and in high school) forgot his rugby kit this week
The school phoned me about 10am to ask if I could drop it off
Wtf!!!!!
No I'm bloody working

Ds1 (12 and in high school) forgot his rugby kit this weekThe school phoned me about 10am to ask if I could drop it off hmm Wtf!!!!!No I'm bloody working

Presumably, your son was asked if phoning home was an option? Because he clearly told someone he thought could do something about his lack of kit that having it dropped off was a possibility? Could he not have said 'oh, no one home, they're all at work?'

In most schools there are sanctions for not having the correct equipment. Presumably if you had been available - as many parents are - you would have dropped off as a one off (and you were happy that was the case)? In which case had your child been punished and no one bothered phoning you, you would have been as equally pissed off?

I see the huge amount of work my dcs teachers after teaching in the class room for almost 6 hours.
However 24 hours notice for school play/ money for HUGELY important art comp etc etc
This is what a PP was saying..

I do not assume that a parent is at home. Why would I? On our system (SIMS, it's widely used in the UK and contains all the info about a child), I contact whoever is down as the primary contact and I usually go straight to the mobile number because I imagine that no-one will be at home. Secondary contacts, 9 times out of ten, are dad or other relative/neighbour etc. It is not our choice who is put as primary contact, it is the parents'. Usually, we have home number, mobile and/or work.

We offer extra sessions from about the second week in. They aren't paid, we hope that parents will support them. Having done a 12 hour session yesterday, 7.30-7.30-I am aware that some people work this every day and more-I do get a little disheartened at the frequently negative teacher threads on here.

As for planning, seriously?! Do some people think that we just talk nonsense all day at the students? I'd laugh, but it's too depressing, along with the constant marking, assessing, meetings about marking, assessing and planning. Yeah, yeah, I know, we get great holidays. We really need a rolling eyes smiley on here!

Oh we have schools thinking there's a parent home. Then they presume it's me. Well were both home but I work from home. DH is a Sahd and everyone is surprised at that. We're getting there with the teachers slowly...but I'm still the one they call. We now have a joint phone and the school only has that number so they will get whoever is closer to the phone or able to answer.

No halo i don't imagine that you stand in front of my child for 6 hours with no planning. That's exactly my point. Teachers have planned a session that involves junk for modelling / a dressing up costume / 27 fairy cakes - probably weeks in advance. So for goodness sake tell me about it! I want to support a creative and interesting education for my child but i can't magic up what ypu need with no notice. Like a good teacher i plan my work and the resources i need to get stuff done. All i ask is the same courtesy.

Why is it assumed that every suggestion for improvement is deemed to be teacher bashing? Every profession gets feedback from user groups but teachers don't seem to cope with it.

Youngest school is really bad for this.
When he started I was still with ex. He was the main contact, as when at work I was uncontactable. The amount of missed calls and voice mails I would receive and him either none, or after realising I couldn't be contacted. Spoke to them constantly about this.
New head came along and things improved. That one left and all I can say is I am glad we are leaving soon. Will receive a text at 5pm about something for the following day - secondary transfer meeting, 10am in the library tomorrow..
or the worse ones at 8 in the morning - says meeting today at 10am.
In between texts - we understand parents work, apologies about the last messages.. week later important meeting today at 2pm.

These aren't reminders either. Nothing on the weekly newsletters. Nothing postponed which would explain anything. We are just led to believe that someone was passing by and decided to pop in. Which is bollocks.

Canklesofglitter: My time is spent planning my lessons so that the kids I teach can progress instead of doing the same stuff every day or useless activities that don't move them on - completely separate issue to who is planning the school fair, isn't it?

Cankle - absolutely spot on. I know that teachers plan their lessons well in advance - I have friends and relatives who are teachers - so given this advanced planning, why don't some teachers and schools share this with parents in order to allow us to support them by buying in X, booking time off, or prepping for the event or lesson too?

Changing dates is something that is hard for working parents too. Plenty of us will have diaries with work things filling right to end of 2017 already (I have) and we need to know and put in our diaries that XYZ date is the the Christmas play so we don't book our business trip to Iran or Nigeria (yes I have done both more than once) to ensure there is no clash.

No one on the thread is saying we don't appreciate our children's teachers - they do wonderful work and we are grateful to them every day but don't assume women are the secondary pin money earners at home and don't assume we work part time. I've worked full time for 30 years.

At least my feminist sons are not too scared to point out at school if a teacher assumes women cook (I just about never cook for the children at home for example). In our house men cook. I don't think teachers are particularly sexist but they and we parents and our children need regularly to check we aren't making sexist assumptions about families.

I long ago decided not to bother with school costumes so the plastic sack with holes cut out (witch) which takes 2 seconds to produce was rolled out year after year.

SirChenjin: Not all teachers plan lessons 'well in advance' - there will be a medium term plan that sets out what will be covered in a half-term, but not usually a detailed lesson-by-lesson. Not sure when most teachers have time to outline exactly what they will be doing in 6 weeks' time tbh. And it would be a dreadful idea to share this with parents anyway because it removes the flexibility you need to adjust and adapt teaching based on assessment of what your students actually learned versus what you intended them to learn. A great way to secure mass resignations, though! And virtually irrelevant to this discussion, since most demands parents are complaining about are pastoral, not academic in nature.

But presumably you plan the lessons/events for which you need parental input well in advance (which is what I was referring to in the context of this thread, although probably should have made that more explicit)? If not, then how on earth do you expect working parents to plan their diaries effectively in order to support you, the school and their child?

SirChenjin: I'm not going to get into my lesson planning, which is largely irrelevant to this thread to be honest. Yes, if I need parental input I give as much notice as possible. Our school publishes a calendar which sets out the vast majority of events and priorities well in advance. It's not always possible for everything to be planned out well ahead of time, or the kids would miss out on more opportunistic stuff, so whilst I understand this can be a frustration and think schools have an obligation to communicate things as soon as possible to parents, I can't advocate a totally inflexible approach because I think it's silly.

I'm not asking you to get into your lesson planning - as I said in my pp, what I am asking is how you expect parents to plan their diaries effectively if schools and teachers want parental support if they are not prepared to communicate properly with sufficient notice. That's not being "silly" - that's simply acknowledging and recognising that it is common for both parents to work, and that as such they need time to prepare/buy in X/book time off for Y. I appreciate that a degree of flexibility is needed for academic lessons, but again, I'm not talking about that - I'm talking about setting certain events in stone (as the rest of us do at work when we're forward planning) and communicating that in advance in order to make the event/lesson as successful as possible for the pupils.