Name changed.
I absolutely fucking hate myself right now. DH recently lost his df (leaving his dm a widow) and the funeral was last week.
I don't know where to start as don't want to inadvertently drip feed.
Tried to have an adult conversation with dh about recent pa behaviours of his family towards me. Most recent was at the funeral where certain distant relatives and friends of the family (some of which I had never even met until the funeral) totally snubbed me even when I was being introduced to them by DH. I found this extremely humiliating, puzzling and feel totally ashamed (not quite totally puzzling as we have become aware over the years his parents lie about us to others and again this has also gone unchallenged). DH said he had noticed and felt embarrassed & hurt himself but feels 'powerless' to do anything about it as going nc is not an option.
Backstory is his parents never wanted him to marry again, after being divorced several years previously. They said it wasn't personal, they didn't want him to marry anyone. Nonetheless it set the tone and we have endured years of pa behaviour towards me by his siblings and parents, this has always being tolerated by dh.
Couple of times we have very nearly split over it. But I'm a very forgiving person and have endeavoured to put the crap behind me and get along with them all.
Fast forward to tonight and I brought up how hurt I felt at being stonewalled and blanked at df in laws funeral. I said it wasn't appropriate to discuss with family now as everyone grieving, but we/I needed to in the future. He again repeated what he'd said before about him feeling 'powerless' and going nc not an option. I said his family treat me how they do because they have been allowed too. I said for some couples that would be a deal breaker. He then accused me of threatening to leave him (not my intention).
He started shouting (which I hate as we live in a terrace type house) and asked him to stop shouting. He then stormed upstairs whist muttering something about his df having died and to leave him alone.
I gave him an hour then went to him to see if he wanted anything and to apologise for being insensitive. Again he started shouting, so I did say 'I'm off, this isn't healthy'.
Now I feel totally shite, a total fucking nob head for not parking my feelings. I feel if there was an easy way to go to sleep and not wake up I'd be up for it. I'm a pathetic, cowardly, stupid fucking wank stain and I really hate myself.