To give my dd less food than my ds?

[jultomten]

My lovely dd is 5, she has always been chubby and has always been bmi overweight/ just on normal weight. I have always worried about her but her doctor has always told me not to worry that she will grow out of it. But she's not growing out of it. I have 2 ds as well 7&3 and they are skinny/ normal. Compared to my dss dd eats super fast and always finnishes her plate/ asked for more, they pick and rarely eat everything. I have also caught her helping herself to biscuits and other things in the fridge...
I have started serving her less food than ds1. And adding extra vegetables. She has noticed and Iv told her she gets less because she's younger. And I'm not letting her have seconds. But I'm feeling mean I'm feeling crap. I don't want to give her a future eating disorder.. but equally I don't want her to end up overweight. I don't know what to do. Am i doing the right thing or aibu?
She's 119cm and weighs 25kg if it makes any difference.

IAmNotAWitch sorry about that I think that she is getting the food right she has to be careful not to obsess over it. She hasn't mentioned activities Beavers or Rainbows where her child can run around and let off steam.

I have banned sweeties until the weekends when they watch a movie. I hate the stuff but as long as they work hard then they get a treat.

What i don't get is that despite all the rants on here about childhood obesity,parents overfeeding their kids etc ,there is a parent that is actually concerned about her child's weight and everyone pipes in with she's fine,she's only 5 and omg you're going to give her body issues!

Because someone limiting food to a child who is not overweight, and doing it in a way that is noticible to the child and her siblings, is just as unhealthy as allowing a child to binge on junk food.

If the child's height was on the 2nd centile and her weight on the 98th the replies would be very different, but it's not. The two match, the child isn't obese and therefore doesn't need her portions limited in comparison to her differently shaped brother.

Feed this child some healthy fats, my god. Fat creates satiety and right now you are expecting your kids to run all day on sugar on top of starch on top of sugar. Your daughter is acting hungry because she is hungry.

Those extra veg you give need to be roasted with olive oil or something to make them make your kid feel full.

Buy Jamie Olive'rs cook book or google some of his recipes he will give you lots of great things to cook. They are healthy dishes it gives you something to follow.

She does 2 activeties a week, gym and an other one where they do different ball sports and she runs around a lot with friends in the garden, We go to the park and stuff like that as well but I guess I could add to this.

She only drinks water. And sometimes a small glas of juice in the morning.

We do usually have some protein in the evening, tonight we happened to not have any.

I don't really think the food/ snacks are a problem although I will take on board to add more protein.

I think she just has trouble with portion control and knowing when to stop, I think often she eats so quickly she doesn't have time to get full.

I think the bmi calculators may differ slightly as in the one mentioned above she comes in as normal, but a month ago when she was 1 cm shorter she is classed as overweight. She is right on the line it seems.

Granted I am no nutritionist but that daily menu worries me. For instance both the break meals are basically sugar with Vits and some carbs depending on type of biscuit. Try giving them a piece of cheese with crackers, a piece of fruit and milk.

Breakfast cereal - check the sugar content on the packet but the best is porridge as it fills them up and has a low glycaemic index, ( you may want to check glycaemic index out) as it has an effect on weight loss/gain.

Try putting more protein in their breakfast such as eggs, one of the most nutritious sources of proteins, vitamins and minerals. Boys need protein for muscle mass, one reason why gym nuts use protein shakes and it is recommended for the elderly. Don't cut down on the amount of meat you give your daughter but certainly give her more veg. If you are really unhappy with her weight gain it can't hurt to get her glucose level checked with a GP.

X post. You say your daughter only drinks and sometimes a small glass of juice in the am, so what does she put on her cereal or does she eat it dry! Uggh.

damm - missed out only drinks water - sorry.

Get her to eat slower. We did it as a game, fork down and a little pause between mouthfuls, sometimes sago b what we noticed first about the taste of each mouthful, or doing 20 chews. Really helped with my daughter.

She's a healthy weight I agree with posters saying you need to be very careful here.

Eating slower is not a bad thing but frame it in terms of not getting wind.

That typical day was very low in protein and high in sugar (fruit sugar is no different to biscuit sugar).

I'd echo what another poster said and check your boys aren't underweight. If they're less keen eaters they may be and that too might be skewing your view of your daughters size.

I agree with both more protein and healthy fats, less fruit, no obvious differences in what you serve, don't make an issue of it.

You say at one point according go bmi she was just overweight but that could have been because you were weighing her at a point when she'd increased appetite to lay down stores prior to a growth spurt.

My daughter tends on the underweight side, eats me out of house and home every few months then next thing costs me a fortune in new clothes! (She's 15 but this has been a pattern all her life).

How often are you weighing her? Do you weigh the boys the same ? Are you more focused on her than the boys as she's also a female like you?

You say your DS "rarely eats everything" but you give him more food than your DD - why?
Why not give them both the slightly smaller, more veggie portions?

Don't buy biscuits. None of you need them and food isn't a "treat", it's a fuel. Associating sugary food with emotional eating is not a brilliant idea for any of us.
Make a big thing of your meals, allow more time, sit with the children at the table and only eat at the table. Make it the time you talk and connect. Encourage all of them to slow down and help their digestion. Cook from scratch as much as possible. Don't allow them to walk around eating, if they need a snack, again encourage them to get a plate and sit at the table so they are aware of what they are eating (ie never in front of the TV or electronic amusement).
Talk to them about good nutrition and the importance of healthy living but also lighten up and stop stressing. Children follow your example so NEVER talk about your own body in a negative way, NEVER talk about dieting (in fact don't diet ever) and throw away the scales if you have some. Daily weigh ins are not good for anybody and send totally the wrong message to your little ones. Best of luck to you X

I think that it is just so hard.

It is balance between accepting that some people are different shapes while trying to ensure that later dc are not overweight (which lets be honest there is a significant risk of, as 2/3 of adults are even for the smug posters with 'skinny' dc)

So really all you can do is feed them as healthily as possible and hope for the best. If she isn't overweight then there isn't anything to really stress about.

I'd probably try to up the protein, give porridge instead of cereal. I'd also cut out fruit juice for brekkie and give her an apple. Buy carrots for snacks as they are cheap and hard work to eat (although mine get through bags of them).

Probably though if the boys don't eat much the above is hard if they won't eat it.

I have 2 dds and my youngest is the one with a tendency to be rounder. Luckily my very very slim one eats like a horse and isn't that fussy so that makes it easier.

An apple and milk to drink that is, that read really oddly

Re the BMI thing, you need to thread carefully there.
A very small change (like less than 0.5kg or 1cm, all of which can come from errors when doing the measuring, type of clothes on etc etc) will make a big difference in her BMI?
And because she is still growing, you will see differences from 'being overweight' to being in the normal range within a few weeks. The BMI is a great too, but to use with care in children IMO.

Fwiw, a paediatrician explained to me that the most important thing to look at in children wasn't their BMI as such but it evolves.
BMI dips from about 2yo to get to a very low point around 4~5yo. In his experience, the children who do then have some weight issues are the ones who don't get a big dip or the ones who have their BMI going up too early.
This set my mind at rest at the time because intead of focusing on dc1 weight, I concentrated on the evolution (much slower process, to check every 3 months at most).

Re the eating too much, not knowing when she is full, the answer is to teach her. But not in a finger waking type of things. Just teach her how you need to chew your food to be able to digest it. Talk about the foods she is eating, the textures, the tastes. Ask her if she can tell, what is in it.
Talk to her about how it feels when yu feel full. How to make good choices re food (but not in a shaming way, because you need to loose weight etc... but because that's what you do to be healthy. This will be good for your other dcs to hear too) etc...
Don't expect changes within the next month and for her to be 'slim'.
And learn to trust your GP too.
I was convinced dc1 was overweight. The paediatrician put my mind at rest, reminded me we all have different body shapes (dc1 will always be quite stocky), and yes following some simple healthy living guidelines was plenty of avoid any potential issues.

Btw your diet is great in some ways because it has some fruits and vegs.
It isn't because it's very heavy in sugar (fruits do have sugar in them too) and it has little protein in it, that children do need to be able to build bones and muscles.
Plus proteins and fibre do help feel full and reduce the spouses in blood sugar. (You should have some protein in every meal, some nutritionists do say it should be present even in snacks)

I would add much more vegetable to their diet (all of them) and increase the amount of protein.