To give my dd less food than my ds?

[jultomten]

My lovely dd is 5, she has always been chubby and has always been bmi overweight/ just on normal weight. I have always worried about her but her doctor has always told me not to worry that she will grow out of it. But she's not growing out of it. I have 2 ds as well 7&3 and they are skinny/ normal. Compared to my dss dd eats super fast and always finnishes her plate/ asked for more, they pick and rarely eat everything. I have also caught her helping herself to biscuits and other things in the fridge...
I have started serving her less food than ds1. And adding extra vegetables. She has noticed and Iv told her she gets less because she's younger. And I'm not letting her have seconds. But I'm feeling mean I'm feeling crap. I don't want to give her a future eating disorder.. but equally I don't want her to end up overweight. I don't know what to do. Am i doing the right thing or aibu?
She's 119cm and weighs 25kg if it makes any difference.

My mum did this to me and created a really unhealthy eating environment. I would leave meals truly so hungry I couldn't function. Unbenowst to mum I wasn't a fat 5 year old I was starting puberty and so my metabolism had ramped up (had my period at 9, breasts at 8). The best thing to do here is to make a clean sweep of junk - only bring them in on the day as treats. Only let kids drink water and milk. And let them eat their fill on meals by making healthy stuff.

You also need to get her exercising. Ballet, swimming, the works.

Yeah, what does she drink too? If it's squash or fruit juice then she is way, way over her daily sugar intake.

I wouldn't restrict her meals, just limit sugary treats and snacking between meals. I have a 5yo who likes her food, when she has finished her evening meal there is fruit available or plain toast or yogurt if she is really hungry but we only have pudding at the weekend. I don't tend to give them a snack after school unless they're doing a sport.

Agree, more protein (eggs for breakfast rather than cereal?), put the biscuits up high where they can't be taken without your help, but a well stocked fruit bowl left on the table and it clear they can help themselves.

Some kids put on weight easier and quicker than others. My dad is a big tall chap with a tendency to carry extra weight easily. My mum is a little sparrow. My elder brother took after my mum, ie seemed to eat what he liked and never put on weight but me and my younger brother had my dads build (and eye colour etc). I have had to watch my weight my whole life and remember as a youngster being guided away from excess sweets and carbs, it was gently done and I am glad they dished out the guidance when they did ( much as I would have loved an extra doughnut or choccy).. I dont believe it harmed my self esteem more than standing in the changing rooms of Top Shop with skinny friends and not being able to fit into anything would have done...

Many people are projecting here. OP told dd,WHEN ASKED, that it's because dd is younger,not fat,not because she needs to look nice or whatever.

Loading up a plate with veg so it looks just as full,is not a bad idea though.

I was the middle daughter of 3 girls. My sisters were the skinny ones and I was the piggy in the middle (this was what my sisters called me). I can recall lots of occasions overhearing my mother talking to friends or family and describing me as chubby or carrying puppy fat. I never said anything to anyone but it really upset me and I still haven't forgotten it. My sisters are still skinny and I'm not as skinny but I'm definitely not fat (I just don't have the build as them) .... please be careful how you go about this - even 5 years olds are aware of their body shape and they do notice they are bigger than their siblings. This could also just be a case of boys being different to girls though, comparing her to her brothers might not be helping. As girls reach puberty, some suddenly grow taller and the weight drops off.

Instead of giving her smaller portions (she has noticed and I honestly think this isn't the way to go) - could you find sports activity that she likes? Something after school? Fun exercise is going to burn off lots of energy and I guarantee she will be so tired afterwards that she will fall asleep before she has even thought about food.

If you do want to edit meals in your house then imo your best bet would be to do it for everyone. I only plate up the main part of the meal - so the chicken or the fish. The likes of the veggies go in a bowl in the middle of the table which means I can have a wee bit of each veg, but if DS2 is having a carrot phase he can have a tonne of carrots, and DD can avoid the broccoli she hates, but will eat some more or something else.

We also have treat boxes. Which is basically to stop one person (in this house me) eating all of the crisps on a night and one person (DS2) eating all of the oranges in one sitting. Each person has a box or a tub. There are strict sanctions for touching another person's tub, but swaps are allowed. Each box gets filled on a Sunday with 7 items. That can be one per day, it can be eaten in one go, but the main thing is it does not get refilled until the following Sunday and there are no other treats in the house.

On the first week three of the four of them ate all of the treats within two days and to wasn't the easiest week in the world, but now they have a much better attitude to treats and snacking that I ever had. Knowing that it's thre anytime they want it seems to take away the "He's having a biscuit so can I have one?". They only have something when they actually want it.

I don't know what projecting means, but loading a plate with veg is not going to fill your child up for long - she needs more protein and less sugars (from the example of today posted) I think.

Also does she drink enough? Two of mine are bad at feeling hungry when they are actually thirsty.

I get your concerns - but seriously, try to work on accepting her and the boys as they are. she hopefully won't have an unhealthy relationship with food if you 1) allow her to eat to 'fullness' ie recognise when she has had enough 2) teach appropriate portion sizes 3) allow treats in reasonable portions within reasonable limits 4) don't look at her shape as 'a problem' - let's face it you wouldn't - hopefully - if she had sticky out ears or a big nose, it's just that society sees weight and shape as something that 'can be changed' and leaves young men and women frequently feeling ashamed of very normal figures that are predominantly genetically determined (shape, appetite, predisposition to fat percentage, sensitivity to taste etc). And if you are worried about getting it wrong, or being judged by others, (I did) really really try to let that go. I found that when I limited dds food at age 5 she would eat in secret, I didn't want that, so I asked her just to ask if she needed something and I would suggest something appropriate. As a result we have a chance for a healthy dialogue about portion sizes and appetite, she gets her energy needs met.

Is it? Aren't the WHO growth charts based on healthy weigh (based on world wide figures) so 95th percentile for each is fine, it's if a child is a much lower percentile for height than weight that there's a problem.

I'm referring to the chart in dd's red book. If I was 98th centile for weight as well as height according to 20 it would be overweight so it must be. I'm not sure if this is the same chart you are on about however.

Children need carbs, protein and veg she is a 5 year old child still growing you cant deprive her. Give her sweets and biscuits weekends only if you want. Remember she is not over weight she is with in her healthy weight range

Why not give her the same carbs and protein and just add more veg. Fruit only for snacking?

She just had a bigger appetite some people do. She's 5. Trust your doctor not strangers on the Internet.

It's hard OP - I know. My DD (8) has been chubby for the last few years, and we have the same concerns. I don't know about her BMI etc but although she looks OK in clothes, she has a podgy tum, a lot of flab and love handles, and is definitely greedy! She loves food, and always wants more. On the other hand, she's very active and always on the go, I find it hard to understand why she's so tubby when her lazier twin brother is very slim. She has a big booty and chunky thighs, I think that's just her shape - but I am trying to help her without causing issues. I do try and limit her junk food, and also to say 'do you really want more? why not wait a few minutes?' which can sometimes make her realise she isn't actually hungry. I am basically hoping it is 'puppy fat' and trying not to make a big deal of it, for the moment.

4 fish fingers for a 5 year old? I only eat three maybe taking photographs of the portion sizes may be more helpful?

How does veg not fill you up? Does here.

the tea tonight where is the protien?

She is growing. so does need them to grow muscles..

People putting her on BMI are you putting her at 5 or 5 and how many months ..

Could she have a yogurt instead of a biscuit ..I know some people are anti yogurt however may keep her fuller for longer.

I would revert meals to what they were and then only cook what you need to no seconds..

Also ensure she does drink enough..

What i don't get is that despite all the rants on here about childhood obesity,parents overfeeding their kids etc ,there is a parent that is actually concerned about her child's weight and everyone pipes in with she's fine,she's only 5 and omg you're going to give her body issues!

How do you think 10-12 years old get overweight? They don't suddenly wake up one day and jumped 4 clothes sizes,it starts young and slowly builds up. Yes some grow "out of it", but many also don't..why is OP wrong for keeping an eye on it and trying to make changes while she still can?

McDonalds happy meals give 4 fish fingers so WTF am I reading.

How does veg not fill you up? Does here.

She is still growing and you cant just feed a child veg.

Op please listen to your doctor.

Hi OP. Well there has certainly been plenty of advice on here for you! I totally understand your concerns. It sounds like your DD maybe just loves her food and so tends to overeat a bit. I was that child too. I'm sure if you cut out unhealthy treats and keep the meals healthy it should work out well. I wouldn't let mine snack between meals without asking though. I thought your days diet for them looked v healthy!

I wasn't suggesting just veg. We eat protein carbs fat and a substantial amount of veg.

I haveva 13 year old rugby and tennis player along with a 6 year old soccer and climber. Trust me you can feed kids a lot of vegetables and have them grow fit and strong.

What they dont eat is filler junk on a regular basis.

You don't make a big deal about her weight. You keep feeding her 3 meals a day plus snacks that are healthy and keep her active. Does she go to any activities outside of school so she can run around and burn of some steam.

I think problems are caused when you interfere with children's satiety signals (by asking them to finish off food or putting them on a diet) and/or lower their self-esteem through body shaming.
I would offer as much healthy food as she wants.