Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

DH forcing DSs to watch sports with him?

42 replies

plasmina · 08/12/2016 19:47

Who is BU? My DH expects our two DS to spend a few hours every weekend at home watching a particular popular and common sport. Unfortunately neither of them (12 and 14) enjoys this as neither have ever played on a team (one of them has no depth perception and is slow/awkward, the other one has SEN and cannot do team sports, at least not outside of just messing about). They are not allowed to do anything else during said sports time on the box except play their ipads, which they do out of complete boredom. DH gets upset when they are not paying attention to the game. I have suggested we could play cards or a board game during said television time (in front of the television) but that suggestion was shot down as apparently you 'need to focus' on watching the game. Both boys hate this, would rather play their computers, but could be happy playing card games as a family activity. I think the whole thing is stupid and I don't know what point my DH is trying to make with this. (What do I do during this time? nothing really but am considering taking myself to the cinema). I have nothing against people who enjoy watching sports but I don't think you can force people to enjoy something. If I say anything DH gets angry. Who is BU?

OP posts:

OohhThatsMe · 08/12/2016 19:48

I wonder what kind of pleasure he gets from forcing them to watch it. He must know they don't like it.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/12/2016 19:52

Who is being unreasonable.
You honestly have to ask. It might be your dh's interest but. That doesn't mean your boys have to give a shit.
That's why they're not paying attention. Its bores the life out of the little lambs. At 12 and 14. They want to do their own thing.

Original poster

plasmina · 08/12/2016 19:52

I just don't get the whole thing, mind you, there are many things I don't get about DH. And no, I don't think he's on the spectrum if any of you are wondering that due to DS SEN. DH is very charismatic and sporty (not SEN like at all). Does anyone else's DH do this?

OP posts:

FeckinCrutches · 08/12/2016 19:55

Totally weird. How long has he been making them do this? What do you do? Are they honestly forced to sit there for 2 hours?

Hassled · 08/12/2016 19:56

I can pretty much guarantee that no-one else's DH does this unless their DH is also a complete tosser. You've got to have it out with him - point out that there's no more guaranteed a way to get a kid to hate a sport than forcing them to watch it. It's pointless, it's petty and it's mean - is that really the sort of parent he wants to be. And why do your DSs comply? I can't imagine that mine would. What do they think would be the result if they just said no?

Trifleorbust · 08/12/2016 19:56

What's the point in him forcing them to watch sports when they hate it?

Original poster

plasmina · 08/12/2016 19:58

It's not like DH doesn't spend other time with them either -- he takes them shopping or to the cinema. This isn't the only time he spends with them. I don't know what he is trying to do.

OP posts:

pigsDOfly · 08/12/2016 19:58

I think you really need to stand up to him about this.

My DS also hated anything sporty, which was an enormous disappointment to my exh who was very sport as a child and it probably impacted very negatively on their relationship, but he would have never forced him to sit and watch it.

I think your DH's behaviour is very odd. What does he think he's achieving by it and what does he get out of it. Does he realise how much they're going to resent this, and how bullied by him they must feel.

Leeds2 · 08/12/2016 19:59

Assuming the sport is football, I wonder if your DH thinks he is making your sons' relationships with their friends/schoolmates easier in that they could join in the footie conversation which will inevitably take place on a Monday morning?

I wouldn't like it though, and I think I would tell them I was going to the cinema to see x film, and did anyone want to come with me.

Original poster

plasmina · 08/12/2016 19:59

One time one of them actually got into trouble on purpose to get sent to his room!

OP posts:

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/12/2016 19:59

I was the most timid child ever to grace the planet, and my dad used to make me go to Karate lessons. For 3 hours at a time. I hated it.
I just wasn't the fighting type and if its not in s child. You cant put it in them.
Ive never really forgiven him for it.

Original poster

plasmina · 08/12/2016 20:04

If I stand up to him I feel somehow he will turn it into me making things bad for him with the DSs.

Yes our marriage is terrible. Not everyone is in the position to leave. My kids have had enough difficulty without throwing divorce on to everything else. It's a very long story and I have no support.

So as it is I had just wondered if my situation was unusual for this particular thing (never mind everything else).

OP posts:

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 08/12/2016 20:05

Urg, what is it with some men and sports? My Dad never forced us to watch it, but he would hugely monopolise the television - he may have been well within his rights given that he paid for it (though it's not as if we had the option!) but he watches literally every sport going and would make you change the channel from whatever you might have been watching, even if you were really enjoying it. Unsurprisingly neither me nor my siblings like sport at all. I get the impression my Dad is still slightly confused and disappointed by this, and it has never occurred to him that it was foisting it on us so much at the expense of other things that turned us off it in the first place.

FeckinCrutches · 08/12/2016 20:13

I'll ask again, how long has he been making them do this for?

e1y1 · 08/12/2016 20:14

Your DH is being way, way, beyond unreasonable.

I would be willing to stake a bet that, if you/DC were to force DH to do something he had no interest in at all - every week as well, it wouldn't happen.

Original poster

plasmina · 08/12/2016 20:18

Feckin -- he's been making them do this for the last few years, since they got a bit older.

I just don't get it.

OP posts:

Original poster

plasmina · 08/12/2016 20:19

Feckon -Sorry I am not good at conversing through this medium!

OP posts:

e1y1 · 08/12/2016 20:20

However, in saying that, there is nothing wrong with DH wanting to spend time with his DC and fostering an interest in an activity with them, but your DH has to accept it should be something they all like doing.

pigsDOfly · 08/12/2016 20:20

If you don't feel you can stand up to him, then there's not a lot anyone can say apart from, this is not normal behaviour.

You sound afraid of his reaction is you challenge him OP. That's not a healthy atmosphere for 2 boys to be living in, it will colour their view of how women should be treated. That apart who else do they have to stand up for them if not you.

Floralnomad · 08/12/2016 20:21

Obviously your DH is being unreasonable and what a pointless exercise , I really can't see what he is hoping to achieve as it will have the opposite effect of getting them interested in the sport .

Original poster

plasmina · 08/12/2016 20:24

OK good to know I am not BU. I think when you are married a long time to someone who constantly accuses you of undermining them you lose your perspective and don't know what's right anymore.

OP posts:

OohhThatsMe · 08/12/2016 20:30

OP, just looking at what you said about it being an unhappy marriage. Is it the finances that would concern you the most if you split up? Do you think your children would cope?

specialsubject · 08/12/2016 20:34

He is forcing them to watch hours of TV that bores them rigid. That is abuse.

Spectator sport is just TV or standing about. It is not an activity.

Original poster

plasmina · 08/12/2016 20:36

Oohh -- I don't think I could cope with splitting up as I have developed a generalized anxiety disorder from years of many things that happened in my life. I am basically hanging in there for DSs. I have no support. That's why I am asking this on mumsnet, because I literally have no one else to ask. So when I wonder if I am right I guess I can ask here.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 08/12/2016 20:37

Coffee - it's got nothing to do with 'men and sports' or even 'some men and sport'. This is one bloke, behaving in a ridiculous manner.

OP I'm surprised you even have to ask. What on earth is the point in someone being made to sit through something they enjoy? . How would your dh feel if he were made to sit through Songs of Praise or Cash in the Attic, or one of those 'Worlds Best.... countdown shows on Channel 4' or whatever type of TV he doesn't enjoy - can he not see that it is just odd.

I speak as someone who loves to watch a lot of sports on TV, particularly football. Also, there's no correlation between enjoying / being good at playing, and enjoying watching - this is just about the very odd behaviour of expecting someone to sit and watch something they don't want to watch each week,.

Flip

1 2