MIL and daughter's hat.

[doomf]

My MIL looks after my DD one day a week (Tuesday) and her other grand daughter one day a week (Wednesday).

I bought my daughter a lovely hat last year to go with a coat she had. The hat went missing at the end of last winter and I'd searched high and low for it it to no avail. Is asked MIL if she'd seen it and she swore blind she hadn't (I was pretty sure the last time she'd worn it was to her house). A few weeks ago I lamented to MIL that it was a shame id never found the hat as it would still have fit my DD this winter and she agreed.

Yesterday afternoon I'd taken a day off work and had gone into town with my DD only to run into my MIL and her other grand daughter...wearing the bloody hat!!!

AIBU to think that you just don't do that?!

So Usual is a goady fucker, I'm an illiterate fool and Granny is a cunt. Do I have that right, at the very least ?

Bertrand if my DM discussed my financial situation with my dsis, I'd kill her. It's nothing to do with my dsis how I manage my money. And I'd guess it's similar in most families.

My Mil used to take her other dgd's stuff and give it to my dd all the time, it made me feel awfull. I felt bad on dd's cousin. Felt sis would think my dd Is a spoiled brat that just wanted all her cousins stuff, then I had to take it back off my dd to give back after Mil had already said she could have it.

Also had plenty of other issues with the way she looked after my dd. She asked me if she could look after her while I was at work and sulked for days when I started to look at nurserys but would always throw it I'm my face that she was doing me a massive favour. I wanted to stop her minding dd for a long time but felt bad because dd adores her and would cry for ages when I left her at nursery. When I eventually settled her in to a nursery she would just go and pick her up and still made out she was doing me a massive favour. She doesn't look after her at all any more but dh takes her round for a hour every other evening so they still see each other. But stopping the child care from her was the best thing I ever did. I would highly recommend it

No Blistory, you're not a fool, you're just an attention seeker.

Either way, I'm not sure I'd want my daughter around that attitude on a weekly basis. I too would put her in nursery full time. Such a shame.

Agree with this. I wouldn't be comfortable with it either. I don't suppose the OP will ever get to the bottom of whatever is going on here, but, in her shoes, I would be involving my daughter as little as possible.

I did talk to her face to face bert and so did my DH.

I think the OP has behaved perfectly reasonably here and that MIL is the only one at fault. I also think some posters have been a tad hysterical.

However, the main thing I want to know is what the bloody hat looks like!

Also bert I wouldn't want my financial situation being discussed with anyone. Least of all as the basis of an argument regarding why it's ok to appropriate someone else's belongings.

If I hadn't mentioned the hat a few weeks ago sally I could see that being the case. But we were discussing winter clothes (how quick kids grow out of them etc) and said I emreally wished I had the hat as it would still have fit and it's one of the few expensive items of clothing DD owns.

And the person who is going to miss out is the child, who has presumably been having a lovely time spending one day a week with granny.

Seriously. Try and find out, calmly, what's been going on. Because none of it makes any sense at all. And if there wasn't a mil involved, other people will be saying the same. But because it's a mil, people are saying "Well, , of course she stole the hat. In a way that meant she was bound to be found out, and she did it because the OP recently got promoted. That makes complete sense. Remove your child from her immediately."

But Sally surely if it had been thoughtless, the MIL would have been apologetic when confronted? Or at least, her justification would have been that it wouldn't fit the OP's DD any more. The big rant about income differentials implies to me there was a very great deal of thought in it....

I would be mortified if someone took something from another child and gave it to mine because they decided that I didnt have enough money, and to tell people about it......forget the OP not speaking to MIL again, if I was the SIL I wouldnt want anything more to do with her either.

Bertrand I take your point about the impact on the OP's DD - but on the basis that something clearly "isn't right" about this situation, it's not unreasonable that the OP now feels uncomfortable about leaving her DD in the sole charge of the MIL.

bert I think I'll let the dust settle and see what's going on. I was really worried that BIL and SIL thought we were lording it over them because my DH and I are not like that at all. However, thankfully that's not the case.

Christ on a bike, why don't people READ THE EFFING THREAD before commenting?

My MIL did stuff like this to me when the ds's were small. It's not a "foible", it's batshit crazy and dishonest.

If ds1 and ds2 have kids and ds1 lives in a mansion while ds2 lives in a council apartment, I will not STEAL things from ds1's kids to give to ds2's kids. Because I'm nice. And normal. And honest.

I will buy my dgd a hat if her parents can't afford one. I will help my kids and their kids if they need help. But I won't steal from one dgc to give to another. That's horrible.

Wellies said a while ago that MIL is behaving strangely and it might be a sign of something more significant developing ( or words to that effect) . I agree, my own mother gave a very valuable item of mine, which I had left at her house to my niece. I was shocked and heartbroken as it was something highly sentimental. Didn't even try to get it back as my niece, who has severe MH issues was so "thrilled" at her gift. At the time I was so cross and hurt. DMs actions were inexplicable However several years on my mother has chronic dementia. Looking back there were a fair few other things that were weird but didn't see them as a pattern. Maybe, just maybe, MIL needs some help?

I think the simplest explanation is that she's got caught in a stupid lie and is trying to deflect attention back on to you by claiming she's some sort of modern-day Robin Hood and that you're the ones in the wrong. I highly doubt she actually believes that.

Absolutely fucking weird though.

I have rtft. I admit at the very start I thought the OP was being a bit OTT about the hat, but as I read the updates I am firmly on the OPs side. I have 3 kids and can't imagine ever doing something like this. If I thought one child had less I might buy that child a few extras myself. But to punish someone for doing well is pretty sick. And I speak as someone whose mil took one of my wedding presents "next she needed some new towels" , but hey , she was honest about it and it just made us laugh. That's the difference.

Because she needed new towels

Nobody's saying it's not bonkers. But it is really odd and needs sorting out. And the OP's response to first seeing the hat was a bit unusual. Wouldn't most people say "Oh, how fantastic! You've found Mabel's hat!" Because the obvious thing to think was that she had found it at the back of the cupboard and put it on the other child because it was the first one to hand. The OP's response certainly implied she thought the hat had been "stolen" and upped the ante. MIL was then backed into a corner foolishly lashed out. As people sometimes do

*chipmonkey

I agree, wish people read the whole thing before commenting that "it's just a hat!" Really not the point!

Think you've handled the whole situation well OP!

No I wouldn't think the obvious thing to think was she'd suddenly found it. I'd honestly have thought the same as the op, given that she'd been asking about it. The first thought would be, total shock that she knew all along where the hat was and she keeps it for other grandchild. It'd have been far too much of a coincidence that after a year she'd suddenly found it and put it on other dgc right on the very day that op bumped into her. So unlikely.