MIL and daughter's hat.

[doomf]

My MIL looks after my DD one day a week (Tuesday) and her other grand daughter one day a week (Wednesday).

I bought my daughter a lovely hat last year to go with a coat she had. The hat went missing at the end of last winter and I'd searched high and low for it it to no avail. Is asked MIL if she'd seen it and she swore blind she hadn't (I was pretty sure the last time she'd worn it was to her house). A few weeks ago I lamented to MIL that it was a shame id never found the hat as it would still have fit my DD this winter and she agreed.

Yesterday afternoon I'd taken a day off work and had gone into town with my DD only to run into my MIL and her other grand daughter...wearing the bloody hat!!!

AIBU to think that you just don't do that?!

I feel sorry for them too Usual because if there own mother couldnt give 2 shits about their possession and would be happy for someone (anyone) to take them on the basis that "You have and they want it so I am giving it to them", then who will?

And I can only assume you have more money than sense if you woudnt care about losing something that you have paid for just because someone else fancied.

Where do you draw the line? A hat...fine. A coat? Shoes? A phone?.......

usual my dd had a coat and hat which were rather special, beautiful green wool coat and hat with black fur trim. I can still picture it and that was about 15 years ago. Have you never had a very special outfit for any of your dc that you can still picture years later?

OMG when I first read this thread there were 2 pages. I need to catch up!

Ha yes I really think the brothers should visit their gp together to say how worried they are that their mother gave a hat to the wrong granddaughter and let the gp work out who the mad ones are in this situation

But she didn't give the hat to the "wrong" granddaughter. In her eyes, the "right" one had it. That is the point here. Because it wasn't the "right" one's hat.....

*their

And lots of missing words for reasons I cant explain!

I would like to bring up with DH why he alluded to her being sneaky in the past but I think he's a bit embarrassed about the whole thing and her behaviour. He knows I've mentioned it to my parents (who think she's bonkers) and he gets on with them. I'm going to let him pick it up with his DB and his mum.

ok usual

I'm not sure what you're getting at but I've no control over how many people reply to a thread.

Can tell is a Friday night, the goady fuckers have been at the wine.....

Haha, makes me giggle that all you're doing is asking for a picture! Lol 😂😂
OP MiL was bang out of order. End of!!!

Oh and read up usual I don't think I'm the only one who thinks your supposed attitude to your children's possessions is strange.

Not touched a drop, hope I'm not a goady fucker.

All my kids and their cousins wore each others clothes. We didn't do special hats for 3 year olds.

Ok

No relevance to this thread whatsoever, but good for you

usual your children presumably have items that are special to you or them though?

Thanks Distance . And thanks for the name compliment. Full marks if you got the reference!

I'm on the mobile app so that may be why I don't have the full thread option, I'll try it on the desktop site

I think your MIL is being very odd but I think I would be more confused in your situation than angry. Have you asked her why she didn't just buy her other DGD a hat if it bothered her so much? At the end of the day, I don't think it's worth making this big of a deal over one hat but then, if she won't give it back, she's kind of the one making a big deal out of it. To be honest, OP, I think maybe you should be the bigger person and forget about the hat.

I said earlier on that I'm not sure if I'd stop DD from going there but I've changed my mind now!
If MIL had been vaguely apologetic then fair dos but she hasn't!

Imagine if that was DD's nursery worker and she thought another child was more deserving of her hat!
It's just not the way to do things!

OP, seriously, is this a one off incident or have you felt this before with her?

Think very carefully about destroying a family relationship over this one moment of madness - unless you feel your DH knows more?

Wow. MIL just did not have the right to give away an item that did not belong to her. She has placed everyone concerned in an extremely difficult and awkward position. I hope the brothers can use this to make their own relationship closer. I don't think taking contact between child and grandparent is helpful, nor do I think telling her daughter that gran is bad/mad/thief etc is helpful. This is an adults mindgame with two innocent children as pawns in the midst of it all. I have not actually seen anything from the OP saying that she wants to cut contact at all, only another poster. It is quite a detailed 28 pages so I may have missed something in there that's for sure. I think the OP has conducted herself remarkably well in the circumstances and probably deserves a very large
For all those posters saying the can't get wound up about a hat, there have been plenty of responses about the fact its the underlying principles - however, the hat itself may indeed be a problem. I bought my 3 year old daughter a very expensive coat at the time (it was about £85) and it came with matching muff and hat. It was one of the few hats she would wear happily at the time. It wasn't replaceable, it was a French manufacturer and it was part of a set. If it was something like that the MIL couldn't just go and buy it from the high street. It would also go to destroying an expensive set and taking away from the OP. Here's an example www.childrensalon.com/couche-tot-girls-brown-velveteen-coat-hat-set-147006.html

It's genuinely surprising that some people want to say it's just a trivial issue about a hat.

To anyone with even a vaguely open mind it's an indicator that there might be something wrong in the relationship between grandmother and granddaughter. It could mean that there might be something toxic in the air. It's a bit like the canary in the mine. The canary falls dead off its perch. There are two interpretations: a bird known to be fragile drops dead but who cares because it's only a single small bird and they're cheap to replace, or, maybe there's a toxic atmosphere and it's time to be careful.