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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sensitive topic to broach AIBU?

78 replies

onlylonelymonster · 07/12/2016 11:27

I have a much loved nephew who is 13 and we have a great relationship. I have a good relationship with my brother and SIL but there have been times when we've had different opinions about our kids and I can sense they are wary of me. We parent very differently and because we are close we have had various differences of opinions over the years. They are both professionals/very busy and my nephew has been expected to just get on with it in regard to personal hygiene for many years.

The situation is that for some time, years infact, I have noticed more and more that my nephew smells. It's a combination of body odour and unwashed uniform. I at first ignored it, some months ago I had a casual chat to my brother but he asserted that he plays rugby all day at school and he's just a whiffy kid. My SIL wasn't happy during that chat and was quite defensive and has been a bit cold ever since. I haven't broached it again but for his birthday I bought him some computer games and some hair gel/smellies which he liked but obviously doesn't use. More recently I noticed that he has had his eyebrows threaded (they're quite heavy) and when I asked there were murmurings about him being teased. I can't help but think that there might be more to the teasing than his eyebrows.

AIBU to talk to my brother more seriously about this or should I just let it go?

OP posts:

littlesallyracket · 08/12/2016 08:56

13 is quite young for a boy to have reached the stinky stage (puberty being that bit later)

My first ever boyfriend was 6ft at 13 and his voice had broken. Also BO is often the first bit of puberty that kicks in. Loads of kids need deodorant in primary school.

If he isn't going to shower daily then someone needs to wash under his arms every day at the very least before he puts deodorant on.

Are his parents actually buying him deodorant, though? He shouldn't have to buy something like that from his pocket money; it's an essential like toothpaste or soap.

NavyandWhite · 08/12/2016 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 08/12/2016 09:02

That's not creepy, don't be bloody ridiculous.

You're clearly giving the perception of a busybody so argue what you like. I doubt most busybodies are aware they do it

user789653241 · 08/12/2016 09:04

When I was 13, I did a terrible thing. There was a boy who sat next to me who stank of BO. I told him straight after couple days, and he never smelled again. I still feel awful( still remember his face when I told him, and can't believe I actually said that to somebody now), but I may have done good for him in the long run. I think we were still good friends after that.
I think the problem is, if you are family member living together, you get used to the smell and think nothing of it.

BadKnee · 08/12/2016 09:06

My boy started to smell at about 14. Terrible.

He now showers every morning before school and clean clothes. While he showers I make a nice breakfast. No shower, no nice breakfast!

I try to get him to shower when he gets home from school too - just a quick one and a change into casual clothes. Again, while he does that I make him a snack.
(Only possible on days I don't work of course)
He uses anti-persp and sometimes Lynxx. It was a campaign of attrition though.

NavyandWhite · 08/12/2016 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 08/12/2016 09:08

If that were the case Navy then teachers wouldn't complain about classrooms stinking of 'teenage pong' and Lynx and they do!

Kids can be stinky and anyone who doesn't think they are has limited experience of them.

NavyandWhite · 08/12/2016 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoraDunn · 08/12/2016 09:35

I'm amazed that those with teenagers have never encountered a smelly one before!
My eldest started puberty around 11. By 12, he had started to be smelly and for the next 18mths it was a complete battle to get him to shower and use deodorant. Then he discovered girls and we could never get him out the bloody bathroom.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 08/12/2016 09:46

Well yes that what I've said. I've never experienced a stinky teenager and I've come across a lot of them over the years

What did you say? I'm confused.

IJustWantABrew · 08/12/2016 10:36

Does your nephew ever stay at your house? When he's there suggest he has a shower - so something like if you fancy a shower there are clean towels in the cupboard and plenty of shower gels in there.
If his clothes are dirty ask him for help using your washing machine and show him how easy it is to bung some laundry in, so again oh < insert name> can you grab those towels and bring them downstairs I just need to pop them in the wash, then show him how to put a load in but get him to do himself. That way he can do it himself at home.
Maybe go to the shop with him grab some shower gel/deodorant and casually ask what he uses/ does he need any more and this might give you an idea how how much knowledge he has when it comes to personal hygiene. It's okay buying him gift sets for xmas but if he doesn't have a clue what to do with it all it's fairly pointless.
Definitely speak with your brother, even if SIL is a bit of a cow, I'm sure you would rather your brother and his wife be miffed that you said it and do something than your nephew being teased daily for being the smelly kid.

Original poster

onlylonelymonster · 08/12/2016 10:44

Interesting that so many have such differing opinions but really great to get so many opinions. I'll have to feel my way with this one but I clearly remember the smelly kid when I was at school and definitely don't want my nephew to be one of them. Thanks for the input everyone...mumsnet is great for this.
74-

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 08/12/2016 11:03

But how you can think it's good for this lad going to school smelling is beyond me.

Perhaps he should get in the shower then.

You cannot make a teenage boy shower. DS2 is the same height as me and solid muscle. The only way would be to constantly change the wifi password. Or perhaps the wiffi password.

NotYoda · 09/12/2016 06:17

The OP says his clothes are not washed

That's more than refusing to use deodorant

SoupDragon · 09/12/2016 07:03

Yes, it means he needs to learn how to use a laundry basket at the very least.

SoupDragon · 09/12/2016 07:07

I once took 13/14 yr old DS2 to minor injuries with a shoulder injury.
He had to remove his white school shirt.
It was grey and revolting.

I do at least 4 loads of laundry a week, washing anything that is in the laundry basket in the bathroom. He had clean shirts in his wardrobe.

The nurse actually laughed, rolled her eyes and said "teenage boys!" So I guess she had at least one similar one at home. DS1 has never been that bad though.

BubbleGumBubble · 09/12/2016 07:15

DS1 has just turned 14.

He is nearly 6ft and has hair springing up all over....weep sob my baby boy has gone

He is a bit whiffy.
He has a fresh shirt/underwear everyday and 2 jumpers and 3 pairs of trousers for rotation in the week.
He will not shower everyday.
He has more smellies than me!
He does not care.
His mates and gf seem not to care.
I have given up on nagging him as our relationship was starting to suffer.

I hope somebody other than me tells him he stinks as he may listen to them and start to shower daily.

Wallywobbles · 09/12/2016 07:16

My girls had BO at 7. We initially used the gentlest antiperspirant possible. But washing alone never takes care of it in afraid.

DP didn't use anything when we started going out (mid 40s). Didn't smell much but enough for me to say something. So glad I did.

MistresssIggi · 09/12/2016 08:26

I teach and there is a difference between pupils being a bit smelly and the ingrained clothes smell of children whose parents don't provide them with clean clothes. I don't know which the OP's nephew is, but if it's the latter he does need help. No one is kind to the child who smells bad, day after day.

Pidlan · 09/12/2016 08:37

Talk to him.
Make something up.
About you, or about a male friend at school who didn't know that he needed to shower and change clothes every day, and couldn't smell himself. Say he started doing it after a while, and felt much better.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/12/2016 11:10

No don't talk to him OP, it isn't your business.

NavyandWhite · 09/12/2016 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissMargie · 09/12/2016 11:26

Well I think you could say, if the opportunity arose, that 'this blazer smells of ..??whatever.., it needs a wash'

Without making it personal or critical of SIL or DB

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/12/2016 11:30

How could you possibly tell him his clothes smell without criticising his parents?

Unless he's REALLY honky then I can guarantee his mates won't notice as they're just as bad. The overpowering smell of Lynx seems to make them all nose blind anyway. Feel sorry for the teachers not your nephew

OP, I can't easily across back as I'm on my phone but did you say you have teenage boys/girls?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/12/2016 11:38

**Scroll not across

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