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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sensitive topic to broach AIBU?

78 replies

onlylonelymonster · 07/12/2016 11:27

I have a much loved nephew who is 13 and we have a great relationship. I have a good relationship with my brother and SIL but there have been times when we've had different opinions about our kids and I can sense they are wary of me. We parent very differently and because we are close we have had various differences of opinions over the years. They are both professionals/very busy and my nephew has been expected to just get on with it in regard to personal hygiene for many years.

The situation is that for some time, years infact, I have noticed more and more that my nephew smells. It's a combination of body odour and unwashed uniform. I at first ignored it, some months ago I had a casual chat to my brother but he asserted that he plays rugby all day at school and he's just a whiffy kid. My SIL wasn't happy during that chat and was quite defensive and has been a bit cold ever since. I haven't broached it again but for his birthday I bought him some computer games and some hair gel/smellies which he liked but obviously doesn't use. More recently I noticed that he has had his eyebrows threaded (they're quite heavy) and when I asked there were murmurings about him being teased. I can't help but think that there might be more to the teasing than his eyebrows.

AIBU to talk to my brother more seriously about this or should I just let it go?

OP posts:

HardLightHologram · 08/12/2016 07:42

My teenage ds has just had a shower and gone to school. Last time he showered was Sunday. It's a constant battle.

His room smells despite me cleaning it and opening windows daily. Boy smell.

It will pass, and in the meantime I just keep on top of him.

AuntieStella · 08/12/2016 07:46

13 is quite young for a boy to have reached the stinky stage (puberty being that bit later) but he is still to big to be forced to wash.

If he's going to agree to being threaded, he's not exactly unaware of his appearance. And his friends will, unless a very untypical bunch, point out quite bluntly when he smells. And that is way more effective than an aunt getting muddled up in this.

GrainOfSalt · 08/12/2016 07:54

I made the mistake of saying to a friends son he might want to jump in the shower as he was a bit wiffy - I had to have the windows wide open when giving him a lift on a very cold night. He had ingrained dirt on his neck and stank. It went down like a lead balloon and his mum tore me off a strip for offending him. He really did stink

NavyandWhite · 08/12/2016 07:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheWoodlander · 08/12/2016 07:59

Even with a daily shower, deodorant & clean clothes are needed. Life is a daily battle to get them to change their socks, spray deodorant etc.

My boys don't smell, but they would if left to their own devices.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 08/12/2016 08:01

13 is quite young for a boy to have reached the stinky stage (puberty being that bit later) but he is still to big to be forced to wash
Some 13 year old are well into puberty by 13 depends on the boy.

Footle · 08/12/2016 08:02

Whatever the problem, Lynx is not the answer.

maxybrown · 08/12/2016 08:03

13 is young?! My 9 year old smells! In fact he was just past 8 when we first noticed it. I did have a little panic at first but then my friends boy is a bit older and he had it too. Had a Google and realised lots of boys a similar age were the same.

Have some friends whose children haven't started with it yet at all.

I do worry about my son though. He does often really smell. He has lots of clean smelling fresh clothes and I scrub under his arm.pits whenever I can. He has asd though and things can be tricky at times.

I worry people will think I don't look after him but he is a major sweat bucket. He always seems to smell.like wet dog! If he was showered in clean PJs and clean bedding I can guarantee next morning he would wake up smelling :/ so sometimes it's not for want of trying.

DH and I do not smell by the way! Both of us are always in awe of how ds can smell so bad! He loves it as hates people coming near him so is hoping it will help!

I wonder on that note if its like.some sort of secretion to keep enemies away

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 08/12/2016 08:07

Some of ds's mates were 6ft by 13!

GrumpyOldBag · 08/12/2016 08:08

My teenage sons don't smell and one is very sporty.

He is also very keen on girls and an expert on shower gels & posh aftershave.

I almost prefer the human smells to the synthetic ones!

NavyandWhite · 08/12/2016 08:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MistresssIggi · 08/12/2016 08:17

I have heard smelling being mention at child protection training as a warning sign - not necessarily neglect of course, but something you would want to keep an eye on. And pupils don't want to sit next to a smelly child.

VixenLupin · 08/12/2016 08:19

13 is young? Mine started smelling in year 6. I used to work in year 6 and Boy smell was quite common at that age.

Mine are shower dodgers drives me mad, they think once a week is enough and sometimes think that putting the same clothes back on after is fine.

They do need telling to shower and put deodorant on - if I don't tell them they don't do it.

I guess if his parents aren't around to do that then it's not getting done and he's not got into a routine of doing it.

You've already had a word once, you could try again, but I wonder if they'll actually do anything other than get offended.

I'm quite happy to tell my boys they stink, I wouldn't do it to another child though.

MistresssIggi · 08/12/2016 08:21

I also remember having only two school shirts but needing a clean one every day - I used to rinse them out in the bathroom and dry with my hairdryer. I had forgotten that! This may be why my own dcs have five sets of uniform (cheap stuff fortunately) and bathe daily.

Serialweightwatcher · 08/12/2016 08:27

My youngest ds who is 13 is ridiculously reluctant to get clean at the moment - it's driving me mad because he was so over the top about it when younger - used to clean teeth 4 times a day, wash hands all the time because he couldn't stand them to be dirty .... now I have to ask nicely/shout/threaten and sometimes he'll run the shower and not get in it ... eldest was also like that at his age but now girls are on the scene he's immaculate and smells like a tart's boudoir at all times. Youngest also tries to sleep in uniform at times because he can't be bothered to change - it's ridiculous and so very annoying but I know it is a phase ... weirdly he doesn't smell apart from his feet

NavyandWhite · 08/12/2016 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 08/12/2016 08:44

Let this go. Teenage boys are whiffy and hate washing and you're trying to blame that on the parents working. They probably feel judged and upset. Do you really want to continue making them feel like that?

NavyandWhite · 08/12/2016 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 08/12/2016 08:48

Because navy, it's got nothing to do with her

You do like involving yourself in other people's business don't you?

NavyandWhite · 08/12/2016 08:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 08/12/2016 08:50

We have loads of teens in and out of the house at various times and they've all had varying degrees of whiffiness ranging from full on stink to eau de smelly trainers.

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 08/12/2016 08:52

insisting people who have children must cook for them.... Now insisting that a SIL should interfere in her nephews hygiene- you sound like a real busybody

NavyandWhite · 08/12/2016 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hermonie2016 · 08/12/2016 08:55

I really wouldn't mention it to the parents.I think you should only give advice to parents about their children if they ask for it (and sign a legal disclaimer that they will take no revenge on you for said advice and that they declare they are emotionally mature to handle any advice given)

If he's a social boy he will get feedback from friends so I don't think it's your place.
We were told my yr6 teacher to definitely make sure boys shower as by 11 it becomes noticeable in class if they aren't clean.

NavyandWhite · 08/12/2016 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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