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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is weird thing to ask my dp

34 replies

Leanback · 07/12/2016 10:53

Four years ago when my dp was doing his degree he spent a year in America and made quite a few friends there many of whom he is still in touch with.

One woman he was friends with confided in him a lot and still does on texts however they have not seen each other since he left the country. Many of the friends he made out there are female but I have no issue with this personally. I have been with him since before he went away.

Recently this woman has mentioned going travelling around the world a handful of times to him and yesterday she asked him if he wanted to join her for a four month trip. I have no issue with dp going away with friends etc but this made me feel very weird and I said to dp that I wouldn't like it if he took her up on her offer.

Do you think I'm overreacting?

OP posts:

Babydontcry · 07/12/2016 10:55

No not at all, asking to meet up if she is near by absolutely fine, but a four month trip is a big commitment! What does your DH say about this?

Babydontcry · 07/12/2016 10:55

Sorry DP

Gazelda · 07/12/2016 10:55

I don't think it's weird of her to ask. They got on well and remain friends. But I'd consider it a major reflection on your relationship if he's seriously considering it.

MyKingdomForBrie · 07/12/2016 10:58

Weird of her to ask a man in a LTR to go away for four months, yes! If he wants to do a trip like that you should be invited!

xStefx · 07/12/2016 10:59

I wouldn't be annoyed at her asking, but I would be annoyed if he considered it

lastqueenofscotland · 07/12/2016 10:59

I'd have no issue with hem meeting up but 4 months is madness

Original poster

Leanback · 07/12/2016 11:00

He told me he isn't considering it and that he also finds it weird though maybe that was to save face because when he told me I immediately commented on how strange that would be. I'd have no issues say with him meeting up if she came to the U.K. Or going down to London and spending the weekend with her. But she knows of my existence, that we live together and are financially reliant on each other. I just found it odd.

OP posts:

AnthonyPandy · 07/12/2016 11:03

Does she know he is in a relationship with you or has he played this down?

Original poster

Leanback · 07/12/2016 11:05

She 100% knows.

OP posts:

AnthonyPandy · 07/12/2016 11:05

Sorry, cross posted!

She's got her eye on him I think.

Original poster

Leanback · 07/12/2016 11:09

Maybe I'm naive but I don't think she has at all. He says she's just really lonely.

OP posts:

HuskyLover1 · 07/12/2016 11:14

Who on earth can get 4 months off work anyway?

That aside, I wouldn't be happy at all, if DH went on a 4 month holiday with another female. That's just bonkers!

AnthonyPandy · 07/12/2016 11:15

Pfft. If she was lonely she could try to expand her friendships to their partners, ie you.

Original poster

Leanback · 07/12/2016 11:18

Now im starting to think I am being unreasonable because I don't think I'd feel as weird about it it a male friend had asked.

Yes I wouldn't be happy as four months is way too long but I wouldn't have this weirdness hovering over me. I usually try not to be the woman who gets jealous of her partners friends.

OP posts:

Radbadsad · 07/12/2016 11:35

I think it's weird. I work in a very male dominated industry and have more male friends than female friends but I would never dream of asking any of them to go away on a trip with me, partly because I'd be concerned about overstepping some boundary with their OHs. Are you sure she wasn't asking in a jokey, not expecting him to say yes kind of way? Maybe she is lonely / has no one else to ask. If he's said no, it doesn't really matter what her motivation was, I'd just file it away as weird. If however he wants to go, then you need to explore your feelings in more detail.

Trifleorbust · 07/12/2016 11:37

She may or may not be weird. She may just not have anyone else to go with and see him as someone who would enjoy it. But obviously he shouldn't go. That would be weird!

MrsSnootch · 07/12/2016 11:43

I don't think it is strange of her to ask. My closest mate is a guy. There has never been any attraction whatsoever But he just 'gets me'

I am happily married and so is he - to someone else obviously lol, I get on very well with his wife too

Ginkypig · 07/12/2016 11:45

I don't think it sounds like she's necessarily after him. It sounds like she's known him a long time and would feel safe having him along probably because he's a man. That's what springs to mind.

It would be a bit weird though because it's for so long. I wouldn't really be happy with my partner dropping everything and going off seeing the world without me for 4 months. It's somthin I'd want us both to do if it were to happen.

Faries · 07/12/2016 11:50

DP had a male friend that asks about doing trips like this. It annoys me massively because he would use up all his AL on trips with his friend and then me and him couldn't take a holiday together. It's weird and that's a male friend, a female friend would get all my spidey senses going

PlumsGalore · 07/12/2016 11:50

Maybe they had a thing all those years ago and she has never let go. Yes it's weird, no YANBU to think this isn't acceptable and as other posters have said, how on earth can anyone just go travelling for 4 months unless they can afford and have the option of a sabbatical?

JennyPocket · 07/12/2016 11:58

Give over everyone, nobody asks a man in a LTR to leave their OH and travel alone with them for four months without some ulterior motive.

Either that or she is shamelessly cheeky.

I once had a girl trying to hit on my BF on a six hour plane journey, it was 3 seats across, I was on aisle seat, BF was in middle, she was window seat (complete stranger). She monopolised him for the entire journey and insisted that he listen in to her walkman on one half of her earphones, she offered him sweets, snacks etc but not me

Luckily we were totally in love and he was a super sweet guy so he wasn't lapping it up or anything but I was at her brass neck.

Some women are like that.

OhhBetty · 07/12/2016 12:16

It's the 4 months I'd have an issue with tbh. I'd go on holiday for a week or whatever with my best mate who is male. But not 4 months!

littlesallyracket · 07/12/2016 12:19

I think it would be a bit weird for anyone, male or female, to ask someone who has a job and lives with their DP to go travelling with them for four months. A week maybe, but not months.

I'm sure she's not trying it on with him, but it just sounds like she hasn't really got much idea of how other people's lives work. Like people who try to persuade a friend to go to Glastonbury with them a week after she's had a baby*, or suggest an exotic expensive long-haul trip to a friend who has no money.

*This happened to a colleague of mine.

YelloDraw · 07/12/2016 12:20

4 months? No way.

HaveNoSocks · 07/12/2016 12:26

I don't think it's weird of her to ask on the off chance but I wouldn't want my DP going off on a four month trip without me. I trust him completely but if he was going to invest that much time and money I'd like it to be something we did together.

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