To ask mum not to smoke when I come and visit?

[wineoclockthanks]

My mum lives alone and is a very heavy smoker. I visit her twice a week.
During the summer it isn't as much of an issue as she will have the windows and door open and we tend to sit out on the terrace.

But in the winter her flat is full of smoke and she gets snipey when I open a door or say something about the smoke. Her argument is that it's her home and no-one should tell her what she can or can't do......

I've got to the point where I'm going to say to her that I (and the grandchildren) are not going to come and visit - I'm happy to take her out etc, but I/we're not sitting in a smoky flat.

I had breast cancer 3 years ago and so I am aware that I can be more sensitive paranoid about health issues so it would be helpful to check if I ABU

YANBU - she has made her choices quite clear. You accept her choices and now you just need to make your choices clear too. Be matter of fact.
I don't think you should be going over twice a week either for your own health, sorry.

Missed the update.well done OP.

Lool!!! Well its part of it, i smoke and if I go out in the snow and rain I get chest infections.

YANBU but you have no right to tell a grown adult what she can and can't do in her own home. I think a better idea would be to either get her to come to your house or to take her out and then you don't have to sit in a smokey room with your DC.

Of course YANBU and stick to your guns about this.

she smoked whilst pregnant with me Perhaps she agreed with the woman on an LBC phone-in years ago who said she was smoking while pg because "that way the baby will be immune to lung cancer!