to not understand WHY sil does this?!

[CheerfulYank]

SIL is the tiniest bit batshit, to be sure, but this is a present related thing that I just do not get.

Her DD had a birthday (she turned 9) last summer and my other SIL (SIL2) asked if she could take her shopping and for lunch and let her pick out a few things as a birthday treat. SIL1 got evasive and told SIL2 that she'd just picked up a few things for her DD and if SIL2 wanted she could stop and get them and wrap them to give to her. Ummm...

We all thought that was bizarre and SIL2 was pretty insulted, I think, because I believe she took it as SIL1 thinking she wasn't to be trusted taking DD out for the day. (Which is ridiculous, SIL2 could run the world if given the chance; she's amazingly competent.) We thought it was strange but just kind of shrugged and forgot about it.

Now this past week my DH messaged SIL1 and asked what her DS (he's 11) wanted for Christmas. (He is her DS's godfather and in their family the godparents get them a little something extra) She did the same thing...told DH that she had picked up a few things for him and he could come get them and say they were from him if he wanted.

What in the hell?! Anyone got anything here? I have no idea why she does this.

If it matters, we're all related this way: SIL1 and I are married to brothers. SIL2 is their sister. DH and SIL2 both asked their brother (SIL1's husband) what was up with this odd request and he just said something vague about her not liking people to spend money on the kids. I can see if it were tons all the time but surely for birthday and Christmas when they are their niece and nephew AND their godchildren?

AIBU to not get this? Is there some reason I've not thought of?

Not in any big way I can think of, Queenie. I'm not too worried about the kids. I do see them often and they seem fine. She's softer on them than I am on mine, for sure.

Her DS asked if he could start having a "friend" birthday party a few years ago and she said okay and they do that now. So I think as the DC get older and ask to do more things, she will do them. They are in sports and stuff.

I have two friemds who do much the same thing.

One does it because she is incredibly skint and frets about feeling obligated to purchase gifts for others of they buy for hers the other is very well off but the rest of her family is broke and she dosnt want them to feel obliged to spend money.

Nothing nasty or controlling about any of it and both come from kindness

When I read the original post and the timeline, I was reminded of the Kon Mari facebook page. It is FULL of posts from people who don't want unnecessary stuff in their house. Some people are religious about it and Christmas is causing upteen posts asking how to prevent additional items, especially toys, being brought into the house. The timelines of when your SIL started doing this ties in with the KM book too.

I would really like to do this for my children as they have two aunts who don't have their own children. One is generous but buys toys, the children aren't interested in. The other buys whatever plastic tat is on offer. She absolutely refuses to ask what the children might like and we end up with toys that break shortly after receiving them. It really is a terrible waste of money.

Like quite a few of the posters I do this too. I buy toys for my son throughout the year and have a stash in the attic. And when I'm working out what to give him for his birthday/Christmas sometimes it makes sense for me to give something to my parents/brother/FIL to give him from them. For example DS really loves the giant Imaginext Power Rangers Megazord but knows not to ask for it as I've explained that I think it's too expensive. But recently, after I'd finished buying his Christmas gifts, I found a perfect secondhand Megazord for €20. So I bought it and asked my parents if they'd like to give it to him. So my son gets a toy he will absolutely love, my parents get to give him something he will be insanely excited to receive and I don't end up feeling like 'Santa' was too excessively generous. So it's win, win, win.

I buy presents on my parents'/grandma's behalf because they ask me to and don't like choosing things themselves. But I discuss what I'm planning to get first

She's neither of those things though SockMonkey.

No Rusty definitely not KonMari-ing!

That makes sense Springer but you know, I actually get the feeling she doesn't have anything on hand and if we took her up on it she'd rush out and buy something.

Try doing the exact same thing re presents for her DC with a poker face and see how she reacts.

Are you sure you haven't given wildly inappropriate presents in the past like a stripper pole or a My First Meth Lab kit? Maybe she doesn't like your present selection

LOL Vim, I've wracked my brain and can't think of anything! SIL2 picks them usually tbh (for all the kids) and we all club together. It's usually Lego, a few tops in a brand they'd like, art supplies, etc etc. Stuff on the list!

Apparently DH spoke to SIL2 and she said "we already bought stuff for DNephew and that's what he's getting" before the phone cut out. Eeesh. She seemed perturbed.

Also I've realized that the birthday I mentioned in the OP was two summers ago, not that it makes any difference.

I'm going to have to find a way to ask her about this because it's driving me bonkers.