Evening and not day invitation

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A couple we have known for about three years and became very close to are getting married one month after myself and my fiancé next spring. We are close to the couple myself and the female of the couple text pretty much every day and we meet up when we can. She always says what a great friend I am to her etc. She told us categorically we were invited to their whole wedding, lots of "I wish you were my bridesmaid you mean so much to me" etc. They asked us to book a room in their venue (expensive but we did it). You can see where this is going.

They have exactly the same number of day guests as us, a large ish amount, above 100. They are invited to our full day and now we have been told they are struggling for numbers and we have been moved to an evening invitation.

I feel really annoyed because we have paid for the hotel for an evening do which I wouldn't normally do and we have given them a full day invitation which I also wouldn't have done as I feel er down as they have misled us and obviously decided we are not as close as they were making out.

They are having lots of friends by the way not just family.

It's annoying because we struggled with our list too but wouldn't dream of just inviting them to the evening. WIBU to tell them we are disappointed or just not bother going?

Evening invites are fine locally but how many guests will be there for just the evening do. I had the horrific experience of accepting an evening invite at a hotel wedding, a few couples sat in an empty function room with no bar staff whilst the wedding overrun by two hours.

CaveMum - Can you offer the room back to the bride and groom asking if another guest can make use of it? Just say the expense of the room is no longer warranted as you will not be attending the whole day.''

This, if it's the expense that's stinging the most.

Although i agree that if you're going to go to the evening do )despite being a bit put out) then the room will be a nice luxury to go up to at the end.

I hate evening invitations, for this reason. I will never accept an evening invite.

You are friends and she told you that you were definitely invited to the whole wedding so call her and say you have just received your invite and you are confused as you were told you were being invited to the whole wedding and encouraged to spend £180 on a room on that basis. Then just wait as she tries to dig herself out of a hole explains.

Don't text. Texting never ends well and will give her time to consider her answer.

Ask her to pay you back for the room as they have misled you and its obviously part of the wedding package and she can resell it to one of her full guests. Her response will let you know if your friendship will survive this.

Immediately downgrade her to an evening only guest and see how she likes it.

Quote exactly the same reasons, word for word, and then say pointedly 'I know you'll understand.' For heavens sake don't be paying to feed her and her other half at your day reception. At least that will offset some of what you've paid for the room.

Shame you can't cancel the room booking altogether, but maybe try and make a weekend of it anyway, doing fun stuff instead of sitting thru someone else's wedding ceremony.

Maybe it's a mistake. 🤔 I like pictishs reply but an alternative would be to ask if they have made a mistake

Hi Friend, Bit awkward but we've just received the 'evening only' invite! Umm, is this a mistake? Hope so because we can't cancel the hotel room and it cost us £180.

I would go. Go out for a nice me

al and a dance with your dh. And rock up tiddly to the end of the reception with a card (no gift) offer congrats, have a drink then crash out. At your wedding be friendly but don't make a massive effort with them and after the wedding drop them like a stone. They aren't friends of yours. If the bride genuinely wished she had chosen you as a bridesmaid she would have chosen you.

The evening do I mean.

You say you are close friends and text each other daily

You say you are pissed off coz of hotel room and the fact she is going to yours

And if you had known you were 'only' and evening guest she wouldn't be invited to all day at yours

Doesn't sound like close friends to me

I would go and see her face to face and say you don't understand why you had to book a £180 night room as there only in the evening

Sounds to me that the room cost comes off the wedding package .......

I'm interested to see how this progresses - I think it might be a genuine mistake. Maybe but people can be rude fuckers so maybe not!

Agree with WeAllHaveWings

You need to confront this because she has misled you, either intentionally or not. Also, you can't have her at your wedding all day if she's really a bitch.