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AIBU?

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Original poster

Evening and not day invitation

63 replies

WritersBlockk · 05/12/2016 22:06

A couple we have known for about three years and became very close to are getting married one month after myself and my fiancé next spring. We are close to the couple myself and the female of the couple text pretty much every day and we meet up when we can. She always says what a great friend I am to her etc. She told us categorically we were invited to their whole wedding, lots of "I wish you were my bridesmaid you mean so much to me" etc. They asked us to book a room in their venue (expensive but we did it). You can see where this is going.

They have exactly the same number of day guests as us, a large ish amount, above 100. They are invited to our full day and now we have been told they are struggling for numbers and we have been moved to an evening invitation.

I feel really annoyed because we have paid for the hotel for an evening do which I wouldn't normally do and we have given them a full day invitation which I also wouldn't have done as I feel er down as they have misled us and obviously decided we are not as close as they were making out.

They are having lots of friends by the way not just family.

It's annoying because we struggled with our list too but wouldn't dream of just inviting them to the evening. WIBU to tell them we are disappointed or just not bother going?

OP posts:
spacefrog35 · 06/12/2016 07:44

In your OP you say you've been bumped because of numbers, then you say they haven't even spoken to you just sent an evening invite?

If you are as close to this woman as you make out then why the hell haven't you just spoken to her & asked her why you're only on the evening list after you were specifically asked to book a room etc? Hmm

JellyWitch · 06/12/2016 07:45

Try the weirdness of only being invited to the full reception but not the ceremony. It was due to a number restriction in the ceremony venue but is still the oddest invite I've had. Why the bride and groom didn't pick a venue that would actually fit their guests I still can't work out!

Weddings are a total minefield.

Milzilla · 06/12/2016 07:51

I would ring the hotel and see if you can transfer dates and go another night. F them and their underhand downgrading...

shovetheholly · 06/12/2016 07:59

I think this is really rude!

First of all, I wouldn't let it ruin my time. I'd go to wherever it is and have a lovely time there with my DH. Go look at the town, go for a walk, have a relaxing day off. Then look in for a couple of hours to the evening reception, but don't make the whole time about it.

The mischievous side of me would be tempted then to send an email "Dear X, I'm so sorry, owing to a problem with having miscalculated numbers I'm afraid we can only invite you to our evening reception. It's too boring and complicated to explain, but I know you'll understand, since you've had the same issue!' Smile

Ilovetorrentialrain · 06/12/2016 08:03

How rude! OP, you mention that you and your friend text most days, could you just ask her if she knows anyone who would buy the room booking from you as you no longer need it?

See what she says...

Ilovetorrentialrain · 06/12/2016 08:04

I'd also feel so tricked about the room booking. They obviously had paid for these upfront and were selling them on, quite common for wedding bookings.

Goingtobeawesome · 06/12/2016 08:14

Offer the room to someone else?

Somerville · 06/12/2016 08:15

There isn't a chance here that the wrong invitation was sent accidentally was there? The whole thing is just so bizarre.

If not then I would assume that something has happened that has somehow affected the friendship. And since they're coming to your wedding too - I would ask. Since if there is any rancour you would rather know sooner than later.
"You said we were invited to the whole wedding so we booked a room and now it's just the evening. Can I ask if I've done something to upset you, that has ended up with being relegated?"

I don't see what you have to lose by asking because the friendship has already been negatively affected by this, right?

Timeforteaplease · 06/12/2016 08:18

Just politely rescind their day wedding invite, quoting exactly the same reasons as they gave you. They can't exactly complain , can they?

TheNaze73 · 06/12/2016 08:21

I think you take this on the chin & go in the evening. Even with medium sized families in both sides, 100 really is a small wedding. Cut them slack, they've not done this to wind you up

pictish · 06/12/2016 08:27

I would ask her about it. I would say, ''On what planet do people pay 180 quid for a hotel room to attend an evening do? We booked the hotel room on the premise, offered by you, that we were in attendance for the whole day. We would never have booked it just to go to the reception. What a waste of our money.''

I'd have no qualms about saying that because it's the truth. They are abysmal to downgrade you like that, when you've paid out for accommodation. So fucking glib I can't believe it.

WellErrr · 06/12/2016 08:28

Cheeky fuckers.

You can't uninvite people! How astonishingly rude.

I'd tell her. But I'm like that.

WellErrr · 06/12/2016 08:29

pictish has the wording!

Just tell them.

NoSunNoMoon · 06/12/2016 08:34

Go with what Pictish says.

I wouldn't go to the evening do but use the hotel for a nice break away with DH.

Hestheoneandonly · 06/12/2016 08:38

Weddings are v difficult and due to v tight numbers we had to invite some friends to just the evening do? Do they see you as part of a larger group of friends or stand alone? If your part of a larger group you have probably been viewed en masse! Yes it is annoying but you've booked the room so I'd just go, do something else in the day and enjoy the night away. Rejig the seating plan at yours and sit the couple on separate tables/outside the loos/next to a boring and smelly uncle!

Bluntness100 · 06/12/2016 08:46

How many are going during the day? Maybe it is quite small and they really are struggling for numbers, or maybe there is a cost issue and they thought you were close enough friends you'd understand?

Only1scoop · 06/12/2016 08:48

Odd as weddings normally get cheaper room rates on a block booking. Shocked you can't get a refund or someone else ie day guest could take it instead.

I personally think that weddings where the rooms are that kind of money should be footed by the wedding party. I'd be mortified for my 'guests' to be forking out that kind of money.
I must admit I don't think I'd be brave enough but would certainly want to say what pp put

Only1scoop · 06/12/2016 08:48

Pp Pictish

Candlestickchick · 06/12/2016 10:37

Unforgivable to send an evening invitation having told you it would be for the whole day. I know the horror of guest list planning but that doesn't give a bride and groom an excuse to be rude to their friends.

I don't like evening guests anyway (unless it's to let parents have a few mates along) but this might be different if they hadn't told you you would be coming to the day and got you to book a ridiculously extortionate room.

I wouldn't go. Just tick decline on the RSVP without an explanation, and don't send a gift.

I wouldn't downgrade them at yours - as someone mentioned, it's useful to have some guests you hate to stick in somewhere crap on the seating plan! Grin

itsmine · 06/12/2016 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SEsofty · 06/12/2016 12:23

I would ask her. Could be a horrible mistake and the wrong invite was sent?

LagunaBubbles · 06/12/2016 12:39

Whilst people can invite who they choose as is often said on these threads I often wonder if people concerned ever stop to think about the consequences of things like this - both on others feelings at the time and the nature of the relationship afterwards. A wedding is only one day, friendships hopefully last a lot longer. And if someone who I thought of as a "good" friend did this to me then I dont think I would ever feel the same about the friendship again.

CaveMum · 06/12/2016 12:46

Can you offer the room back to the bride and groom asking if another guest can make use of it? Just say the expense of the room is no longer warranted as you will not be attending the whole day.

Gottagetmoving · 06/12/2016 13:32

I don't understand why you want to cancel the room because you are only invited to the evening do?
You can have a good time and stay the night instead of travelling home.

Your friend should have had the decency to explain seeing as she was so keen for you to attend the full wedding,..but then you should be able to ask her why this has changed if you are so close.

Personally, it would not bother me which part of the wedding I was invited to or whether I was invited at all but then I am not keen on going to weddings.

blahblahnow · 06/12/2016 19:28

Were you formally invited to all day and then a new invitation issued??

I would ask groom or hotel if there is someone who may take room instead if you really don't want to travel and stay just for the evening.

Whatever happens, be the better person and keep your invitation to them.

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