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AIBU?

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Original poster

To change my baby's name?

35 replies

Notmyweek2 · 05/12/2016 22:02

So, myself and dp split up, I am 21 weeks pregnant with his child, we now have absolutely NC...he's also not interested in the baby at all.

We agreed on a name well, we compromised...I chose the first name and he chose the middle name with the decision to have my last name as me and him weren't married (well doesn't matter now as we aren't even together anymore!)

Anyways, the middle name he chose, I personally don't like it and don't want it, would I BU to change the baby's name when he arrives??

OP posts:
drinkyourmilk · 05/12/2016 22:05

Good grief no. If dad isn't interested then you call the shots.

Footinmouthasusual · 05/12/2016 22:05

Nope call your baby what you like.

If he's non contact how would he know/care anyway.

What a twat. Hope you have support op.

DiegeticMuch · 05/12/2016 22:05

The baby hasn't arrived yet, so you're not "changing" the name.

Your ex has no right to a say if he's not going to support his child financially or take an interest in things.

TheProblemOfSusan · 05/12/2016 22:06

My initital feeling is that under these circumstances, sure, name the baby how you like (congratulations btw!).

But is it likely to cause unnecessary aggro from the ex-p? Middle names are less important so if it would be a huge issue I might let it go. I'm sorry you're having to make the decision though, can't be easy ending a relationship during pregnancy.

Original poster
Notmyweek2 · 05/12/2016 22:07

There's a chance he may pop up once the baby is here, I couldn't say for definite however stupidly i feel slightly guilty for changing it without his knowledge!

To be fair, I can't even contact him to tell him!

However I still feel slightly bad about changing my mind on the baby's middle name

OP posts:
PoldarksBreeches · 05/12/2016 22:10

Personally I think unless it's terrible I would leave it as agreed. You get the first and surname still.
However if you hear nothing at all from him between now and registering the birth then call him/her what you like!

CharleyDavidson · 05/12/2016 22:11

You've got 6 weeks to register the birth for him to officially show an interest in the baby once it's arrived. No interest by then and I'd definitely go for the name I wanted and ignore the one I hated. Or choose 2 middle names.

ConvincingLiar · 05/12/2016 22:13

I think even if you were still together it would be ok to change your mind.

Original poster
Notmyweek2 · 05/12/2016 22:16

The thing is, he is more than aware of the due date as he was involved right up to 18 weeks however, I honestly don't think he'll bother seeking me out to see his son & I certainly am not contacting him!

OP posts:
blueturtle6 · 05/12/2016 22:16

If he pops back up, say you had baby brain and couldn't remember the name.
Yanbu, babies should be named at birth to ensure they fit the name correctly. I changed dd name at birth. It just felt right.

ollieplimsoles · 05/12/2016 22:17

Oh screw that, even if he was interested in seeing the child I would change the name.

Dahlietta · 05/12/2016 22:20

I agree, not unreasonable at all. But you have to tell us the offending middle name.

Original poster
Notmyweek2 · 05/12/2016 22:21

He wants Logan & I want James as a middle name, I honestly just don't like Logan.

Obviously I gave him the choice when together because he was playing an active part!

It sounds silly but if you met my ex you'd certainly understand my reasoning!

He's the kind of guy who if he got in contact to see our baby, he'd reject his son simply because his name wasn't what we agreed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notmyweek2 · 05/12/2016 22:23

Another weird reason I don't like Logan

I was married to a woman (now divorced), her friend gave birth to a boy on my ex wife's birthday & called him Logan...ex made a big song & dance about it & now that name will forever remind me of her!

OP posts:
Dahlietta · 05/12/2016 22:23

James is a MUCH better name than Logan. If he'd reject his son just because you improved his name, then he would reject him at some other point for some equally stupid reason.

HerRoyalFattyness · 05/12/2016 22:24

I did this with DS1.
Dad did pop.back up (and we got back together and now have 2 more DC, long story) and he was upset but meh. I went through the pregnancy and gave birth alone (well, with my mum there) so it's tough.
It's not a problem now (DS1 is 8, and his name now is much better. His dad wanted me to put Derek as a middle name Confused)

SouthWestmom · 05/12/2016 22:24

Actually, I would probably keep it. It would be nice for the baby to know that his dad chose his middle name.

ShadowMane · 05/12/2016 22:27

I would name the child what the heck you like when it's born

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 05/12/2016 22:28

He's the kind of guy who if he got in contact to see our baby, he'd reject his son simply because his name wasn't what we agreed.

Do you want him to have contact? Do you think it would be better for you/baby if he didn't?

On the one hand, I think, why make things difficult by changing the name if you want him to be in the child's life and you know this will set him off?

On the other hand, if a relatively trivial slight would make him go nc on a newborn, will you always be having to tread on eggshells to keep him in baby's life?

Original poster
Notmyweek2 · 05/12/2016 22:28

Her royal....thank god you changed it!

Derek Blush nope not a chance!

I'm trying to view it as, yes he's been there for the first half however he won't be there for the rest of it, he won't be there for the birth & quite frankly he won't be there when we come home grafting away getting up at night like he said he would

"I want to be a full time hands on dad" Hmm doing a great job so far buddy!

So I try to think "I'm doing all of this so stuff you! You don't want to know, I get the bloody choice".

As said before, I really can't be sure if he does or doesn't pop back up, I'd say it entirely depends on if he is in yet another relationship!

OP posts:
ShadowMane · 05/12/2016 22:30

And I wouldn't keep the middle name 'because his dad gave it to him' as a child of a broken home, I want nothing to do with my father, no middle name nothing.would rather have had financial support so I could have stayed at school longer, a warm house etc

Original poster
Notmyweek2 · 05/12/2016 22:31

Well, me & him had our issues.

He is a self obsessed arrogant pr*ck who was abusive (however that's a whole different story), irrational me thinks did it, change his name, change my bloody name & disappear but rational me thinks nope, I had a dad & I want my son to have a dad & stupid me gives people chance after chance....but! When it comes to baby, I'm not letting him mess around....3 strikes and he's out!

OP posts:
GreatFuckability · 05/12/2016 22:31

I would probably keep it, just because it might be nice for the baby to have something of his father in his life. but if you really dislike it then, i don't think its a huge thing to change it, either.

Original poster
Notmyweek2 · 05/12/2016 22:33

But what if my son grows up thinking "great, my dad gives me my middle name & then fu*cks off!"

I'm unsure as to whether he'd give a flying crap by then if he doesn't even know his dad

OP posts:
FranKatzenjammer · 05/12/2016 22:38

He's only been gone three weeks- he may realise he's been a dick and decide to be a father to his son?

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