To be a bit hurt by this?

[wilddaisyonthehill]

I mentioned to my friend that I'd committed to do a small amount of voluntary work on Christmas Day and she said 'well, I suppose you won't be doing anything else!'

I know she didn't intend to be hurtful but AIBU to be very mildly miffed?!

I'd have been pleased for the opportunity to wheel out the old MN classic: 'did you mean to be so rude?'

That is unkind. Even if it just slipped out you'd expect an apology.
'Oh I didn't mean it like that,' etc.
Mean.
Although, maybe she's jealous you won't be slaving over ovens while wrangling overexcited children and grumpy, drunken relatives! 😉

Perhaps you should have replied that you wouldn't being anything else because your so-called friends are selfish buggers who don't think of people being on their own.

Oh, that's unfortunate. She was justifying, to herself, why she won't be doing similar.

Would you still be doing it if you had somewhere else to be though? I do a lot of volunteering and it's been proven time and again that much of the benefit to society is actually felt by the volunteers themselves.

I would, but not on Christmas Day :)

Well would you be doing anything else?

No, I wouldn't be doing anything else, Worra

Hence why she said it.

Is it possible she thought you were boasting?

Hard to imagine why a "friend" would say such an unpleasant thing.

Boasting?

right back at you.

How is it hurtful or upsetting then??

You have nothing else to do and you're volunteering. Those are the facts.

Well, it hurt me a bit, as I said. There are plenty of "facts" about me I wouldn't necessarily appreciate people pointing out, but kudos to you if you don't care :)

I don't understand why anyone would care in this situation tbh.

Unless of course you're unhappy about having nothing else to do.

On the other hand if you are unhappy, then at least you've solved the problem.

I really don't think your friend meant to upset you.

I get what VeryBitchy means about boasting. Perhaps she thought that you were virtue signalling, so she spitefully decided to make the point that you have chosen to volunteer because you're at a loose end, rather than because you believe strongly in the charity. Most people would have said, "volunteering - that's great, I hope you enjoy it" but others simply can't resist being catty.

I understand why it's upsetting. It's like someone pointing out that you have a rubbish job/ a big nose. It might be true but it would be nicer if your friends don't rub it in.

You could take offence at this but I think it is innocuous enough that I wouldn't necessarily think she was being rude. She might not appreciate that you're a bit sensitive about the issue.

Just let it wash over you, she probably didn't mean anything by it, and it might have come off as a bit 'virtuous" when you wheeled out your good deed in the face of her presumably frivolous Christmas plans. Don't loose sleep over it

Boasting?

confused right back at you.

Not quite sure what the attitude is about. I didn't say or imply that I thought you were boasting. Just trying to guess at the reasons why a friend would come out with such a crass comment towards someone.

Oh come on people it's clearly rude.

Wilddaisy YANBU to be miffed. Your friend was rude and thoughtless. Volunteering on Christmas Day is a lovely thing to do.

I'd have been pleased for the opportunity to wheel out the old MN classic: 'did you mean to be so rude?'

Slightly off topic but why the actual fuck do people think this is so clever and funny? The obvious answer to such PA bollocks (esp if accompanied by a 'head tilt' and said 'breezily') is 'yes'. Or 'yes thanks' if you want to be polite

YANBU. How horrid of her.

I've a friend who volunteers and often does so on Christmas Day. She doesn't exactly not have anywhere else to be, but for her own reasons doesn't choose to spend the day with family etc, so is kind of at a loose end.

I'd never dream of saying that kind of thing to her. It wouldn't cross my mind that she might be boasting by mentioning it, either.

If you had said in your OP that you were unhappy with not having other plans for the day, I'd understand more why you'd be hurt by her comments.
I choose to volunteer Christmas Day and see my family Boxing Day so it wouldn't hurt me someone pointing out I have no other plans.

Well, it is a bit obvious that being alone on Christmas Day isn't really ideal.

Is today Asshole Day or something?

Sorry to hear that. I don't know what your circumstances are but cheers to you being proactive and doing something actually inkeeping with the season - instead of being an inconsiderate smug so and so who can't keep her mouth from running away from her.

Have a lovely Christmas, you deserve it

I think she was rude, whether she meant to be or not. Don't think you were boasting at all. Have a good Christmas

She probably didn't mean to be, but it was the 'nothing better to do' that stung a bit.

It wasn't a boast, she asked what I was doing for Christmas and I said 'nothing much, just a couple of hours at XXX' (I volunteer there throughout the year.)