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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a phone conversation on the bus?

320 replies

LauderSyme · 05/12/2016 14:33

I travelled to work by bus today and thought I'd use the time to call my grandmother on my mobile. I work full time and am a single parent so finding the time to chat on the phone can be tricky. We talked for 20 mins or so, mainly about my dc. As I was getting off, an elderly couple confronted me quite nastily to tell me how rude I was and how disgusting it was of me to "force the whole top deck to listen to my conversation" and that I should "think twice before getting that thing out". I know other people's public conversations can be really annoying but I didn't raise my voice or swear or speak inappropriately. I think they were the rude ones! WIBU or were they?

OP posts:
TheEmmaDilemma · 05/12/2016 15:27
TupsNSups · 05/12/2016 15:28

YABU.

My dd walks away from me if I get a call in public, apparently I am really loud, my dp has confirmed this. I honestly do not realise I am being any louder than usual but I am.

wasonthelist · 05/12/2016 15:29

I know a lot of people who seem to be ten times louder on the phone than when they are having a conversation with the person next to them. Some people don't care, but I am sure a significant number don't realise.

If you were no louder than you would have been if your nan had been sitting next to you on the bus, I'd have no problem (assuming you don't normally shout at each other).

The people who took you to task thought the whole top deck could not only hear, but were being forced to listen.

It isn't rude for someone to tell you they think you are being rude.

Liiinoo · 05/12/2016 15:29

I am very nosy indeed so I would have loved this. My best one ever was a Welsh girl having an argument with her mum. It got so loud and so heated I could hear both sides of the conversation. I was relaying the particularly interesting snippets to friends and family on facebook and we were all very disappointed when she got off the bus. Perhaps if the OP had had a more interesting conversation they might not have complained.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 05/12/2016 15:31

Hmm I think it's generally a bit inconsiderate to have a long social phone call on busy public transport.

That said it was rude for the other couple to lay into you, even if they found it annoying.

Based on the response to this thread, I think anyone who uses their phone on public transport should be aware that about 50% of your travelling companions are going to be very pissed off.

5moreminutes · 05/12/2016 15:32

A quick text to the grandmother of an adult (so presumably someone of 70+) would be better than a phonecall woodhill? Hmm

The annoying public transport phonecalls are the "performance" ones - some people do seem to have their conversations for public display - but plenty of people manage to have quiet unobtrusive phone conversations which other people only notice if they are listening.

I'd rather someone near me on public transport talk on the phone to their gran than sit and sniff the whole journey - that was what drove me to seek refuge with headphones on public transport when I'd have been happy to read without blocking out all sound if the people around me were just chatting on the phone or to one another.

loobyloo1234 · 05/12/2016 15:32

Well this thread has opened up my eyes. I rarely use public transport so maybe this is why it wouldn't bother me in the slightest

I don't know why people are so bothered about it. If you have an issue with hearing other people's conversations, stick some headphones in an listen to music jeez

most British repsonses ever on this thread, no wonder everyone is rude and silent on the Tube

Topseyt · 05/12/2016 15:35

I think they were very rude and you were not being unreasonable.

This isn't something that would bother me at all. It is a mobile phone, you were on public transport. Presumably there is no rule on your bus that says you must sit in silence, so you can use your phone. That, after all, is what it is for.

Obviously if you used it in places where it should not be, such as the cinema or theatre auditorium, or in the GP surgery or hospital ward then that would be unreasonable. However, you were not doing that.

I would have been tempted to tell them to bugger off, or to be quiet while I make a call etc.

Lorelei76 · 05/12/2016 15:40

i have raging misophonia and get irritable very easily
Guess what I think...

you were not being unreasonable at all!

having a phone chat is no different than having a chat with a companion on the bus. I think that was bizarre of them to say that to you.

the only thing I'd wonder is if you were very loud because clearly some people are loud without realising it, but it sounds like it was the principle they objected to.

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 05/12/2016 15:42

My trainee started reading his look out loud and the lady on her phone gave him the most dirty look- How could she not see that's what she was doing
Haha, I did the opposite once, 4 people sitting together were having such a loud conversation, and I was so annoyed that I pretended to call someone and talked very loudly, saying how people were loud in this train, etc. I know, I know it was PA, and I wouldn't do it nowadays, but I was 20 or so at the time and it really made me feel better Grin

Guitargirl · 05/12/2016 15:44

How far away from you were they sitting OP? What I mean is - how loud were you being? I am great at tuning out normal-level conversations on the bus not so much the loud braying ones.

Original poster
LauderSyme · 05/12/2016 15:49

Thankyou all for responses. I know my voice isn't the kind that carries so I think I must have been talking louder than I realised. May have to shamefacedly admit IWBU! But I do think they were too, for not just sucking it up and stewing silently like I've had to do eleventy million times!

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 05/12/2016 15:50

They were rude, you were inconsiderate. It's really annoying (and boring) having to hear a 20 minute conversation you can't escape from and being a single parent and working ft has nothing to do with it really.

DeleteOrDecay · 05/12/2016 15:51

I don't think you were unreasonable at all and I'm a bit Confused by all the responses saying you are.

Provided you weren't shouting down the phone or using bad language I don't see how it's any different to having a face to face conversation with someone on the bus, except that obviously other people can't hear half the conversation.

CockOhDial · 05/12/2016 15:51

In my experience, people who have loud phone conversations in public get completely annoyed at anyone else making any noise whilst they're on the phone. Fucking rude!

Lovelyskin · 05/12/2016 15:52

People talking on buses is completely normal, they obviously haven't been on a bus around school day finishing time in London where the swearing and all round loudness reaches epic proportions. I bet they don't confront large scary looking teenagers though! In general= bus is public area, all things done in public done on a bus are fine, talking is one of them.

megletthesecond · 05/12/2016 15:53

Yanbu.

I love listening to other people's phone calls. I'm dead nosy and find them fascinating. Much better than just staring out the window.

Trifleorbust · 05/12/2016 15:56

If you were talking quietly, they were being unreasonable. If you did indeed make the whole bus listen to your conversation, it was rude.

Soon2bC · 05/12/2016 15:56

you are no ruder than the mum who lets her DC bounce on seats singing loudly and asking 'why, why, why?'
you are no ruder than the old lady asking for her friend to repeat what she said louder and louder because her hearing aid wasn't working
no louder than the teens chatting about xfactor

just because its a phone doesn't mean you shouldn't talk on a bus

if other people don't like it then tough, I don't like sitting near a man with a big dirty looking beard, smelling slightly of pee and who doesn't seem to wash but its public transport, we need to be tolerant of others and accept that as users of public transport we need to put up with 'the public'.

pamish · 05/12/2016 15:58

If it's no louder than if you were talking a live person next to you, no problem.

Sadly this often is not the case.

I've taken to joining in. 'Go on Tracey, tell her the real truth, don't let him get away with it'. Tends to reduce the volume or else I get an earful. Either way it's fun.

SapphireStrange · 05/12/2016 15:58

I bet they don't confront large scary looking teenagers though!

That's such a good point.

YelloDraw · 05/12/2016 15:59

I love listening to other people's phone calls. I'm dead nosy and find them fascinating. Much better than just staring out the window.

Me too!

agedknees · 05/12/2016 15:59

The other week I was travelling on a train. Middle aged man gets on, sits in front of me. Proceeds to phone a stairlift company. Gives out his mums name, address, that she is confused and will open the door to anyone.

If I was mcburglaragedkneesmcburgy I would have had a field day.

I think ywbu. Private phone calls should be that.

DixieWishbone · 05/12/2016 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pamish · 05/12/2016 16:05

Lynne Truss nailed the issue in that essential book, Talk To The Hand. The boundary between indoors and outdoors has slipped. We (they!) behave in public as if in our own homes. So loud conversations on or off phones, nearly having sex, or eating three-course meals, can all happen anywhere because somehow the protagonists become invisible. Plus analysing/critiquing a film out loud in the cinema, because we do this in front of the telly.

.