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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Stupid husband

70 replies

Rowena4444 · 04/12/2016 23:51

Hi everyone, just need to know if IBU or not. I'm Feeling pretty pissed off after finding out that the source of My DS's (10) terrible nightmares & refusal to sleep a few weeks ago was due to DH letting him watch "IT" without my knowledge or consent 😡 & when did he finally decide to confess the truth to me? During his best man speech on Thursday. Hes such an idiot. I'm so cross as we'd talked about it beforehand & I said that absolutely not is he to watch that film. DS seems ok now, fingers crossed. I've told DH before, He is 10! Not 16!!? I think he feels like he's older than he is. Think he's learnt his lesson though. I'm more pissed off that he's kept it a secret & got DS to keep it secret & lie to me as well. Not impressed with that at all. Like I'm the bad guy & im unreasonable & he's the cool fun guy letting him watch stuff behind my back. That's not cool. Feel pretty upset tbh, & deffo said lots of "I told you so's". Nightmare duty at 1,2,3 am is firmly his territory now. I'm having none of it. AIBU?

OP posts:

GruochMacAlpin · 05/12/2016 05:59

Haystack you think men are like naughty little boys at heart?

How can you think that and have any respect for your husband?

Rowena YANBU this was very poor judgement in your DH's part. Very poor judgement on your DS's part too if he'd been told not to watch it previously.

The part that would send me completely over the edge of fury though would be the best man's speech part. The lack of consideration and respect to you that reveals is just astonishing. The manipulation inherent in that is worrying.

He basically made you the butt of a joke in front of everyone there.

I'd have serious issues with that.

mathanxiety · 05/12/2016 06:20

That is the word - manipulative.

OzzieFem · 05/12/2016 06:22

I suppose the next thing he will do is let your 10 yr old have a beer if he asks for one? Stupid git. YANBU to make him do the night calls.

Inertia · 05/12/2016 06:29

Utterly irresponsible of your husband. And he's a total coward for only owning up a situation where an appropriate response from you would wreck someone else's day. And he has made you deal with the nightmares.

I can't imagine how unbalanced the rest of your marriage is if you are genuinely questioning whether Yabu to be angry about this.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/12/2016 06:30

Certificate 15. Is your husband totally unaware of all the killer clown rumours, which recently ran rife around the schools?

Dd (8) is not easily scared and would probably be ok with some horror movies but is still far too young - as is your ds at 10. Some children are also easily freaked. We took dd on a Halloween walk because we knew she'd be ok. It was much scarier for children than I imagined. We didn't suggest it to my friend as her son would never have wanted to go and even if had, he'd be having nightmares. Just because a child says they want to watch something, it doesn't mean as an adult, we should let them - we'll be sticking to Jurassic Park for the moment.

Looks like your dh should be up with your ds doing the graveyard shift for the next couple of weeks. Not you.

sueelleker · 05/12/2016 06:47

And he's not your EH polyglot?

Anniegetyourgun · 05/12/2016 06:52

we'll be sticking to Jurassic Park for the moment

Even DS3, who is impervious to most things and was cheering on the T Rex to eat everyone, had a bit of a whimper during the scene when the velociraptors are hunting the children through the kitchen.

I had to stop XH letting DS4 watch Hellraiser at some thoroughly unsuitable age, about 5 I think, and intercepted what he thought was a fun cartoon for the kiddies (Jungleburger?) when I realised it was Very Very Rude - grabbed for the packet and found it was a Cert 18!

Where would we be without them? Divorced, thank fuck. If I ever get married again it'll be to a grown-up.

AllPartOfThePlan · 05/12/2016 06:58

YANBU at all! I'd kill him! In fact I'd ban him from any decisions about any movie nights or TV shows if he can't understand simple movie certificates. What a Pratt. I remember watching IT with my friend when we were 14 & it terrified the hell out of us! We ended up with bruises from grabbing on to each other so tight! My eldest is 10 and I worried about letting her see a 12 a few weeks ago! I watch a 15 I though was OK the other day to see if she could watch it and no way! I'd forgotten how much violence, language and drugs were in it!

Agerbilatemycardigan · 05/12/2016 11:23

It's more the fact that he not only lied to you, but got your son to lie to you too. Not a very good example to set your DS.

I got back from work one evening to find my (now) ex letting my then 5 year old daughter play Grand Theft Auto. After all, nothing says good parenting like letting a small child run prostitutes over with a bus

SharpLily · 05/12/2016 11:29

OK, so he was a bit of a dick but it's hardly LTB territory in my book. However he does owe you. Apart from taking over dealing with the resulting midnight terrors, I think you should probably delegate some of your own least favourite tasks to him for a few weeks. Cleaning the toilet maybe, or whatever else you don't like doing. If we teach children that there are consequences for doing something wrong, why on Earth shouldn't he have a quick refresher course in the same vein?

Therealbumshady · 05/12/2016 14:28

I watched that film when I was 20 and had to be escorted to the toilet! (This was 22 years ago now and watch all sorts now)
Maybe he didn't realise how bad it was ?

TwentyCups · 05/12/2016 14:32

Definitely his duty to deal with the nightmares now. He also needs to apologise to your son - both for letting him watching it, and for getting him to lie to you with him. He needs to tell him he made a large judgement error here.

AskBasil · 05/12/2016 22:07

"Mathanxiety, don't you find though that sometimes men can be like naughty little boys and therefore too afraid/ guilty to own up straight away. I'm not making excuses for them or condoning it but I'm 61 years old and I've found that whether we like it or not, no matter how indignant and unbelieving we are about it, men sometimes ARE like young guilty boys."

Eeeeeuuuw.

How can you possibly find that sexually arousing?

I couldn't live with a man like that. I expect any partner I have, to be an adult.

And it's funny how these men aren't guilty young boys in the workplace; suddenly they adopt powerful body language (and verbal language), they are organised and authoritative, mature and responsible. Just the sort of people who ought to be promoted and given more power.

And you fall for their shit about being guilty young boys who can't be decent husbands and fathers? More fool you. I'd rather live alone and be eaten by alsations than have my self-respect eroded by sharing my home with a man who pretends he's a boy. Yuk. I feel sorry for any woman who has to swallow her pride and accept this shit from a man.

Naicehamshop · 05/12/2016 22:17

What a totally ridiculous comment Haystack.

DailyMailCrap · 05/12/2016 22:26

YABU. Why does he need your permission to decide what his own son can or can't watch? You're the boy's mum not his owner. Do you go through him for every minor parenting choice you make,and does he blame you when it goes tits up?

As for the best man speech it was just a bit of humour. He was prob tipsy and nervous and it prob came out as he may have forgotten his speech. Let it go.

kaitlinktm · 05/12/2016 22:38

He allowed your 10-year-old DS to watch an 18 film.
He then lied to you about it.
He got your DS to lie to you about it.
He let you worry and do nightmare duty for (can't remember how long) and never explained why it was happening.
He then "confessed" in public at someone else's big day so that you couldn't be annoyed with him without spoiling it for them.
This also made you the butt of a joke at the wedding.

Honestly, it may just be a blip but I would feel nothing for contempt for him over this and I would have no hesitation in telling him so.

Original poster

Rowena4444 · 06/12/2016 22:00

Dailymail, he doesn't need my permission. We are both responsible for our son. That being said, surely a discussion about it was warranted? & he knew my views & straight up went ahead & did it anyway. It's done now, he can't unsee the bits that he saw (since found out that he watched half hour 1 night, then half hour another night) hubby then thought better of it after the nightmares. I'm more annoyed about the dishonesty TBH.

OP posts:

ageingrunner · 06/12/2016 22:11

The best man speech is the worst bit I think. Or actually no, the dishonesty. If he'd told you why your ds was so scared perhaps you could have known how to reassure him and saved everyone a lot of pain

DeadGood · 06/12/2016 22:26

Hmm yes I saw this film at about 10 and it scared the heck out of me. Going to the loo was terrifying for ages. I'm ok now though.

Your DH is a dick for letting you do nightmare duty.

Patriciathestripper1 · 06/12/2016 22:34

Hope he feels really bad putting that shit into his sons head. Let's hope he learns from it and dosnt let him watch stuff like that again. Typical man though I'm afraid.
scottish the weeping angels totally freaked me out too

Original poster

Rowena4444 · 07/12/2016 00:15

lol! I explained it in these terms for dh:
Our 6yo dd (7on Boxing Day) was flicking through all the films we have on the network. She was looking for Christmas films.
"Oh look mummy! There's a film called "bad santa" can I watch that?"
Appropriate response "NO!!"
Simples

OP posts:

haystack10 · 08/12/2016 15:51

Mathanxiety, did I say anywhere that I thought it was ok for OP's dh to do what he did? No, I was simply trying to point out that over and over again we hear stories of men being stupid. I didn't say it was acceptable. My dh has done stupid things but nothing that's affected the kids. So in my case, I wouldn't be without him and he can certainly cook more than fried bread

haystack10 · 08/12/2016 16:03

Gruoch, op said dh is good husband and father. He made a very poor error of judgement which affected ds. Op feels he brought it up at the wedding so as to be in less trouble, this is what I meant about men sometimes behaving like boys. Whether that's manipulation or the boy thing I don't know. That's for rowena to work out.

littlesallyracket · 08/12/2016 16:20

It's not just dads. Many years ago I lived with a man who had a 12-year-old son (and he was quite a naïve, sensitive 12 too, I think, in many respects).

Son came to stay with us for a week over half-term and confessed that he was really scared to go to bed because he'd been having nightmares ever since his mum let him and his stepbrother watch The Exorcist'.

Not only that, but she'd also told them it was based on a true story. Bear in mind that this particular 12-year-old had only recently stopped wetting the bed as a result of childhood trauma.

I'm pretty relaxed about age ratings generally, as I think it often depends on the child and the reason for the rating, and I think once they get to 15 or 16 they can probably deal with most things ... but no way would I let a 10-year-old watch It and I wouldn't let a 12-year-old watch The Exorcist either.

haystack10 · 08/12/2016 16:28

Ask Basil, how can I possibly find that sexually arousing? Let's see, dh is emotionally the strongest man I have ever met. He's spent years looking after both our autistic so and myself (disabled and ill) He's gone to every single sen meeting and fought for ds's rights, looked after dd snd myself. He is very handsome, completely trustworthy and regularly brings me flowers. Never forgot a birthday or anniversary in 25 years.Cooks nearly every meal and does the dishes, not too hot at dusting though. Oh yeah, and sometimes he's stupid but that'll do me, thankyou very much.

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