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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that maybe my mum should be a bit more caring

64 replies

PJsAndWine · 04/12/2016 22:58

Currently living situation is far from ideal but it's a roof over my head.
Had to move back in with my mum & family in September. All was ok until mid November when my grandparents came back. Since then I've been on an air bed in the lounge with my stuff scattered all over the house as no where really to put it.

Today I come home to find my mums rearranged the lounge so my air bed doesn't fit and all my stuff is in the porch way as she's fed up of it all over the place.

The worst bit is my brothers who never pay their rent on time, one is a drug addict and never help around the house practically get their arses licked.
I just feel so pushed out, and like I'm not welcome here

I can't afford to rent anywhere on my own

OP posts:

GardenGeek · 05/12/2016 00:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

haystack10 · 05/12/2016 01:10

Chansey"don't know what you expect her to do really". I would expect the mother to treat them all exactly the same and the brothers take a turn of sleeping in the lounge! OP, it's not your fault things didn't work out and you've had to return home for a while. The favouritism thing isn't your problem, it's your mum's in my opinion. Hope you find somewhere soon and get settled.

notangelinajolie · 05/12/2016 01:15

Need more info. How much rent do you pay? How much do your brothers pay? How old are they?

SpareASquare · 05/12/2016 01:41

Were your brothers living there before you came back? I don't think they should be forced to give up the rooms they have because your circumstances changed. Yes, would be nice if everyone could 'take a turn' at having to sleep in the lounge but if you've moved in to THEIR home, I 'd say it's just bad luck.

Sorry you're having a rough time

mathanxiety · 05/12/2016 02:04

It sounds as if your mum is picking on you because you are a safe choice to pick on. You are the cat that gets kicked by someone who is not in control in her own home and who wants to let off steam. Maybe she doesn't feel safe expressing her frustration with your brothers so you get it instead.

Does your mum have any friends who are empty nesters might rent you a bedroom?

Qwertie · 05/12/2016 07:07

Can you sign up with your local housing association/district council? I think they'd accept an air bed in a living room as being homeless and you might move up the waiting list? Otherwise renting a room in someone's house or a bedsit would be better than the situation you are in.

AndShesGone · 05/12/2016 07:29

You can get a room for £100 a week on the spare room app in London. If you're working full time you can afford it?

corythatwas · 05/12/2016 07:35

To be fair to the mother, it may be that she has chosen the OP because the OP is the only one of her brood who does not have serious problems. If her son is a drug addict I could see why she would perceive him as more vulnerable. Still hard on the OP, but it may not just be the mother being nasty.

YelloDraw · 05/12/2016 07:42

Seems like you mum is getting at you because your the easiest one to get at.

You can get a house share room for 600/month. If you are working full time k don't see why you can't move out.

MadHattersWineParty · 05/12/2016 08:03

Unless OP lives in an area abundant with council housing there's no chance living at her mum's on an air bed would persuade the council she was 'homeless'!

BadKnee · 05/12/2016 08:16

Move out. Rent a room in a flat share.

I rented a room for a year until I had enough money to rent a flat share. V small, no spare cash. Eventually saved enough to get a deposit for a flat (miles away, grotty area), when I was 33.

Not fair to stay with your mother when she is clearly struggling for space.

Original poster

PJsAndWine · 05/12/2016 08:49

Renting somewhere just isn't an option as it costs too much, and the deposit is ridiculous . I've spent pretty much all weekend looking & the areas they come up in just wouldn't be safe.

We all pay £175 a month - which is another issue - they pay that and get a room etc ... I pay that for nothing

I guess I'm just fed up of hardly sleeping and not being settled

OP posts:

TheViceOfReason · 05/12/2016 09:10

If you are working full time you must be able to afford £100 a week - presumably you have no dependents? What are your other costs? If all you are paying is £175/month to your mum and working full time, you should have a fair bit of disposable income?

Where are you in the country and maybe people can help suggest where to look for accommodation - plenty on here are saying you could get a room share in a decent part of London for £100/week.

Mistletoetastic · 05/12/2016 09:10

House share. Many young people do it.

MadHattersWineParty · 05/12/2016 09:12

You're working full-time though OP?

dowhatnow · 05/12/2016 09:19

Wouldn't it be cheaper as a lodger rather than a proper house share?

Original poster

PJsAndWine · 05/12/2016 09:22

I'm South Buckinghamshire.

Haven't got that much disposable income after I've paid my bills, the dogs vet plan & insurance, fuel to work etc & bought food.

OP posts:

dowhatnow · 05/12/2016 09:24

I think your mum is probably just as frustrated with your brothers, but their stuff is in their rooms. Your stuff is all over the place and it is that she is frustrated with - not you personally.

It would drive me mad having stuff everywhere all the time. Can you have a corner somewhere or just somewhere to put all your stuff? Make sure you keep it all together and don't just leave it laying around. Get an electric airbed pump (cheap at £5 - £10 from places loke Tesco) and put the airbed down everyday. It takes seconds to blow up with a pump and then it won't get in the way.

SILfoundmyusername · 05/12/2016 09:27

Did you say you have a new born in one of your posts last night ? Are you sleeping in the living room with a new born? Who looks after your baby whilst you work as you takes about work? Could that be your mums issue?

SILfoundmyusername · 05/12/2016 09:28

Sorry, read it wrong, you said it wasn't you with a new born. Ignore previous post!

woodhill · 05/12/2016 09:42

Could you get your grandparents onside if it's their house. It's not fair that you have to pay the same as your brothers who have bedrooms.

YelloDraw · 05/12/2016 09:45

Haven't got that much disposable income after I've paid my bills, the dogs vet plan & insurance, fuel to work etc & bought food.

Woe is you.

Right you've got a dog.... which will prevent you from getting a room in a house share or as a lodger. Why the fuck did you get a dog when you have so little disposable income (and you work full time?!?) Honestly people make their lives so hard for themselves.

LineyReborn · 05/12/2016 09:51

You could be a lodger, which means you won't need a deposit, and keep saving.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 05/12/2016 09:52

So is the dog in the house with you as well? Qho minds dog when your at work?

JaniceBattersby · 05/12/2016 09:53

If you cannot afford to house yourself, you cannot afford a dog.

Even if you're on NMW you'll be taking home a grand a month. Where on earth is the rest going after the £175?

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