To be annoyed at school for banning DS from an educational trip

[GhostInTheBackOfYourHead]

As they conducted a risk assessment after he "escaped" from school.

This "escape" is rather open to interpretation
as at no point did he leave the school or indeed go through any doors leading to outside. He remained inside the inner part of school the whole time.He was not restrained either . However, in a hurried meeting after school following a telephone call from the Head after the event, i was given the impression that he had left the building and therefore wouldn't be allowed on the trip on Monday (tomorrow) which is an all day Learning experience tying in with their class work.i even volunteered to go with the trip as I'm DBS (crb) checked so that DS8 could still go. Not possible apparently.
It was only later on, after school, i realised from the parent who was collecting her child at the time that my DS didn't actually go through any of the doors, he just said he wanted to escape. He also told me that he didn't leave the school but i wasn't sure if he was telling the truth. I am pretty cross at what seems like yet another example of prejudicial treatment of my child. Not wanting to drip feed but school being very heavy handed with DS. He is being assesed for SN and recently lost his DF. Any behaviour not deemed acceptable is punished very harshly. For example, he was given an afternoon exclusion after picking up a chair to hold against himself after repeated attacks from another child, attacks witnessed by teacher. The other reason on the exclusion letter stated he "made a telescope out of his page". I mean, wtaf???
Anyway, back to my reason for posting..
How can he be deemed a flight risk and miss out on a trip when he didn't leave the inner part of school building? I say inner to clarify that he didn't go into the foyer which needs a keypad to access. School are not being honest. I completely trust the word of the parent who witnessed this.

What can i actually do about this now anyway, given the trip is tomorrow? I suspect nothing and i do feel very sad and frustrated for my DS, who also feels very hard done by.

Have they offered any support since he lost his dad? Where did he actually go when he 'escaped'?

I would say he 'escaped' if he wasn't where he was supposed to be and it was a deliberate act. The family circumstance can't be taken into account if they're worried about his safety on the trip. How can they even guarantee he'll be ok even if you're there? They are doing the right thing. Safety comes first.

Last year I works in a counselling/behaviour management role. Children were not allowed on trips if it could not be guaranteed that they would follow instructions when asked. Basically, if you were continually asking a child to do something in school, and they didn't, then it would be deemed that they wouldn't be able to keep them safe outside of school.

We would ask parents to come unless it was the type of trip where there would be an added cost to a parent coming that wasn't able to be met at the last moment by the school.

What pastoral support is the school offering?

I'm afraid that it sounds like they are concerned for his safety on the trip. What is he decides to "escape" and isn't in a secure building with a keypad.
I would ask for a meeting to examine how they can better meet his needs. The thing is that they need to support him but they can't have him doing things that are disruptive or dangerous.

'I say inner to clarify that he didn't go into the foyer which needs a keypad to access.'

Are you saying he didn't go into the part of the school which he couldn't gain access to?? I'm not sure that's a major win, tbh.

SEN isn't a reason to exclude from trips, but a risk assessment following an incident that indicates a risk that can't be reduced by reasonable adjustments is.

Unfortunately, this is just the consequence of that incident.

I think if they feel they can't keep him safe, they can't take him, but that's a pretty big admission of defeat on their part and they should have tried harder to find a solution - especially when you offered them one by offering to go with him.

What are they doing to support him in his bereavement?

Cherry, hi, not much. It's been an ongoing battle to get any support. I gave up and self referred to a local council service designed to support families. They are proving very helpful. I haven't had time to discuss this with them yet as it happened so late on friday.
As to where we went..... he walked down (20m) to the area right outside the Head's office. Granted he should not have been there as he was supposedly to have just gone to the loo but wandering down a corridor is not the same as a concerted bid for freedom, surely. He was never at risk of coming to harm. Annoying behaviour absolutely but dangerous?
Weather, i agree with you that safety comes first but I'm not so sure there was much danger here. He didn't attempt to leave tje building after all.

I think that if he wont follow instructions in school they may well be worried about taking him out of school. If he gets angry and wants to escape or picks up a chair to hold against himself out in the community there could be serious repercussions. I would be focusing on getting more support for him in school tbh. I know it is v tough to see your child miss out though. Try to see it from POV of school. They are accountable for your ds safety and that of other children staff and helpers. School trips are hard work.

Sorry, too slow to post here.
Yes , i guess I'm BU but i feel a bit let down and that they've let down DS. I didn't even get a proper answer to my suggestion of coming too. Just that they'd check it out and ring me later. They didn't.
Lougle, sorry, i wasn't clear. There was a parent holding open the door leading to the foyer, this door is always kept locked. My son made no attempt to go through this door when it was temporarily open.

Did he go back to class immediately when asked?

Hi, you probably posted in the wrong subject, you will get lots of criticism, but this is what you want, lots of schools are unaware of this legislation, also bone up on the Equality Act 2010, the school have to make adjustments even if he doesn't have a diagnosis they need to look at his "care" needs not what he is diagnosed with.
www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/484418/supporting-pupils-at-school-with-medical-conditions.pdf

I have been banging on and on about getting him support. I've asked for reviews, meetings, action plans, liaisons with SENCO. I have had zero back. Just nothing.
I have been in touch with autism services, bereavement services, child mental health services. I have workbooks from Grief Encounter, books on educational psychology and so forth. I am just exhausted by it all. I haven't had time to grieve myself as I've been focussing on supporting DS and DD. It just feels that school are making things worse with what appears at best to be dereliction of duty and at worst to be downright harming him.

How old is he? I think it sounds like this has been handled badly.

My son last year in year 7 disapeared from school too. I was called into school & a full search undertaken. The police were about to be called when he was discovered hiding inside a locker. He'd been there for over an hour. He'd had a meltdown & just needed to get away.

There was never any suggestion he should be excluded from trips.

Yes, he went straight back to class.
Missingmum, thank you for the link. I'm sitting here in tears feeling so freaking defeated by it all.

If you're not working I'd take him myself at the same times, following the same route, doing the same activities but as any other separate visitor. If the school say anything I'd reply that if he was the only one not going then there was no point having him sit in school alone all day missing out on an educational activity so I decided to do it in our "free" time and you're booked every weekend till Christmas now. I'd also make sure he has the time of his life and way more fun with me than he'd be having with those stuffy teachers. I'd also be having a word about why they think lying to a parent and citing ridiculous things like rolling his page into a telescope as an exclusion reason is in any way acceptable. I'd ask if they are going to continue to be so unreasonable and unsupportive of your son for the duration of his time there so you can decide what action to take next.

Put it in writing for the attention of the senco and the head. What you would like and how you think the school should be reporting your son.
I have some more info for you but am nodding off post sleeping tablet. Will pm you tomorrow.

It doesn't sound good Ghost. I get the flight risk thing, but they could have worked with you and let you go too. My ds has additional needs and also lost his df last year. I feel the school have come down very harshly on my ds as well, they seem a lot harder on him than they do on any other child. My ds is at a private school though and he clearly doesn't fit into their mould. I'm now looking for another school as its clear that things aren't going to improve. to you, its bloody tough.

You know, that did occur to me and i do very much want to take him myself. I dont drive and the (One every hour) bus takes 90 minutes. Ideally i wouldn't be leaving the dog for such a long time...probably at least 6 hours. I wouldn't be able to have anyone come in to walk him either. I guess the dog would be ok but i don't want to.incur the wrath of the MN dog fans.

Should be a after that.

I can understand why you are upset OP, but I think in this instance (the school trip) they have your son's best interests at heart. If he goes walkabout in a strange place neither he nor they will know where he is and he may not be safe. It's not the same as wandering off at school, not at all.

It can be such a battle to get help for your child, tiring at the best of times but under your current circumstances (sorry for your loss) I can appreciate that you don't have the energy for this. Have you tried Parent Partnership? You might find the details on the local Council website, I found them really helpful when I needed a bit of guidance and they can act for you if you wish/come to meetings with you.

Thank you all for your replies. I'm going to try and sleep. DS has fallen asleep in my bed again as he doesn't like to sleep alone anymore. Going to squeeze in with Star Shaped Boy and Diagonal Dog.
I'll return to the thread in the morning.
Night all

If it was me I'd take him (them) out of school & home ed, at least until I could find another school for him (them). He's been through enough, you all have. I'd find a childminder if you have to go to (paid) work.

The school are not only not helping, they're actively making it worse - you don't need that shit 💐

sounds familiar. Schools will cover themselves however they can. Ours was concerned DD might wander out of the school gates. I said if you think that why are they left open at breaks! I actually had to stop her from going on school outings too sadly as they want the children to sign a form stating they are responsible for any risk to themselves or other children rather than let the school be responsible for a minor in their care. Are all Leader in Me schools like that? Its illegal to have a child sign under 16. Keep fighting OP its hard but you are in the right.

I get where they're coming from, but I think in this case the onus is on the school to make sure he's safe, rather than excluding him.
My dc have had children who will walk out of school if they get the chance (one girl turned the wrong way out of assembly and kept walking-she has SN). The conclusion is just that a teacher, usually the main class teacher doesn't let go of the child's hand unless someone else is holding her other hand.

I think though, in your case, I would let it go, but request a meeting with the school to find out how they are planning on handling his SN in future because they couldn't possibly exclude him from trips, could they, as that would be against disability discrimination?
Use it to get his help. Point out they are effectively saying they can't cope with him. Therefore what are they putting in place to make sure they can cope in the future.

I'm sorry this is incredibly heavy handed for a one off wandering incident, but seems to fit into a pattern of over punishing. If his parent has offered to come and take full responsibility for him, I can't see a reason for him not to go. If every child in my school who ever wandered off in a temper was banned, we'd leave a lot of children behind. They need to let his mum go or take an extra member of staff so he has 1:1.