To be annoyed at school for banning DS from an educational trip

[GhostInTheBackOfYourHead]

As they conducted a risk assessment after he "escaped" from school.

This "escape" is rather open to interpretation
as at no point did he leave the school or indeed go through any doors leading to outside. He remained inside the inner part of school the whole time.He was not restrained either . However, in a hurried meeting after school following a telephone call from the Head after the event, i was given the impression that he had left the building and therefore wouldn't be allowed on the trip on Monday (tomorrow) which is an all day Learning experience tying in with their class work.i even volunteered to go with the trip as I'm DBS (crb) checked so that DS8 could still go. Not possible apparently.
It was only later on, after school, i realised from the parent who was collecting her child at the time that my DS didn't actually go through any of the doors, he just said he wanted to escape. He also told me that he didn't leave the school but i wasn't sure if he was telling the truth. I am pretty cross at what seems like yet another example of prejudicial treatment of my child. Not wanting to drip feed but school being very heavy handed with DS. He is being assesed for SN and recently lost his DF. Any behaviour not deemed acceptable is punished very harshly. For example, he was given an afternoon exclusion after picking up a chair to hold against himself after repeated attacks from another child, attacks witnessed by teacher. The other reason on the exclusion letter stated he "made a telescope out of his page". I mean, wtaf???
Anyway, back to my reason for posting..
How can he be deemed a flight risk and miss out on a trip when he didn't leave the inner part of school building? I say inner to clarify that he didn't go into the foyer which needs a keypad to access. School are not being honest. I completely trust the word of the parent who witnessed this.

What can i actually do about this now anyway, given the trip is tomorrow? I suspect nothing and i do feel very sad and frustrated for my DS, who also feels very hard done by.

Oh Annie the irony...i took him.out to Home Ed in June as i felt the school wasn't the best place for DS then.
DP died in July and i have been struggling alone since then. I was persuaded by friends that DS (and I) would be better off if he was in a school environment. He has only been back at this school four weeks on Tuesday.

I don't think their behaviour is acceptable- they should have let you come to. All they are doing is reinforcing a negative message to him- that he is a bad boy, and he may actually start to believe it. I think it is appalling.

He didn't actually leave the classroom in anger. He was quite calm and just wanted to hang out at the office with the (lovely) staff. He then told another parent he wanted to escape. Overheard by a deputy head who whisked him.into see Head and then i got a call about Harry Houdini leaving school. I'm not a paranoid person normally but I can't help feeling that attempts are being made to push us out i am not the only parent dealing with situations like this.

And now i really must sleep. Thanks again all of you, I'll reply properly in the morning.

I fact, I would be writing to the education department and putting in a formal complaint to be investigated, and possibly even the regulator. I used to work with vulnerable families and saw crap behaviour from schools like this regularly when they didn't want to deal with behavioural problems. It really makes my blood boil.

Yes it does seem as if they are trying to get you to take him out again. Sorry things are so tough.

Love, I'm sure your family & friends mean well, but before your DH died you'd already pulled him out of that school. You knew it wasn't right for him, it's even less right for him now. I wouldn't send him back, not even for a day. 💐

I don't think you are being paranoid. My Daughter was diagnosed with ASD in January. Prior to diagnosis her school seemed to deliberately escalate the situation and push her into meltdowns so they cold punish her. I'm certain they wanted her out.

She's in a new school now and my only regret is not moving her sooner.

Have you spoken to your local parent partnership? They can advise and support you at meetings.

I would take a letter in with you in the morning along the lines of your OP and outline how they are failing your ds, to his detriment and pointing out the errors on their explanation of what happened and how he wasn't trying to escape, he was just wandering a little further along the corridor as he was curious and actively didn't try to escape when he had the opportunity.

I'd also try to get to school early and go into the office to talk to a senior staff member to see if you can get him taken if possible (if you still want him to go) so take a packed lunch or what ever it needs to be so if they changed their mind he could go if possible (albeit without raising his expectations if it doesn't happen).

maybe their numbers were such that having an extra child meant they needed an extra person or it stepped them up to the next cost band or something that they figured they would benefit by jettisoning a child - and yours was the one that they decided to choose.

Did you have to pay for the trip? If they have thrown him off the trip then I'd be asking for a refund. That also might concentrate their minds - I know that costs of these things can be tight.

Finally I'd be onto the perceived differences in the way that your son is being treated - how a teacher witnessed repeated attacks on him but did nothing to help until he defended himself with a chair - what are they doing to ensure your ds's safety from this child in the future? Whilst you realise they can't say anything specifically about the child they should be able to reassure you that s/he has been punished and knows that the behaviour will not be tolerated in the future, and a plan worked out for what your ds should do if he experiences the same thing again.

I can feel how tired you are in your posts, continually feeling that you are fighting for your child is exhausting. I don't have any advice though

I do think that it was a good thing the school admitted that they could not be able to ensure your child's safety on a school trip. I would much rather that than try to make a reasonable adjustment for it, that was totally inadequate.

I also understand that you are exhausted by it all. You must be grieving too?

I have a young SN child, getting virtually no support, on waiting lists, despite a clear diagnosis from NHS. So I understand.

I think that schools are in a tough place too though, they are expected to set up what can be quite complicated, sensitive support systems, and they haven't got access to a fast enough, flexible resource to be able to do that. So everyone has to play an exhausting game of trying to identify, access and get the right help, you haven't go the time, the school isn't an advocate, the council and other services are dispersed, erratic, not tied together.

It's all a bit crap but not necessarily a school's fault. Acknowledging that your child wanted to escape is a good thing, I hope that means that they take it seriously. Your child needs a good individual plan saying what he does need, and you need a bit of support yourself!

Can I add a view as a senco who's run millions of trips....
Firstly though, I am very sorry for your loss; an awful time for you all. There are loads of child bereavement and family bereavement counselling services, so please do investigate those if you haven't already.
With regards to the trip, like a previous poster said, if his behaviour in school is not safe / he cannot follow instructions/poses a flight risk within the confines of the school, then it is reasonable to assume that this would be similar on a trip.

Oops posted too soon!
Schools often cannot take a parent on a visit due to all adults on a visit being required to be there for all children; in the event of an emergency a parent would rescue their child naturally, but this puts others at risk. It's often in guidelines that parents must not be on trios with their children.
From the schools point of view, currently your child has no Sen diagnosis, so that is not coming into it. You can as a parent request referral to camh through your gp if that helps. You can also as a parent write your own application of an ehcp if you feel the school isn't doing enough.
Some people have suggested going to the LA to complain, but I am unsure for what reason at the moment? Undergoing assessment for Sen is just that, it is not a diagnosis and doesn't necessarily mean Sen is a concern.
Hope that things do start moving forwards with assessment

Sorry... Just seen the bit about him only being back in school 4 weeks. Schools need to submit 6 months continuous evidence for Sen assessments, which also why there might be some delay

We regularly take Sen children on trips and make sure we have enough adults for 1:1 for that child. This is still the case if there is no diagnosis. You can always get free entry for 1:1 staff outside the usual ratios at school trip venues. I would not plan a trip that was so dangerous I could not safely take all children (and we usually use public transport). This boy was wandered off for a chat, not wildly tried to break out of school!
On a different scale, My son's class is going on a trip - they have 7 adults and 5 children. I am going and I am expected to be responsible for him only. If I couldn't go, they'd still take him, but have enough staff for 2:1 if necessary.

It seems very heavy-handed and rather more about punishment than mitigating risk. If it was about risk, they would have let you attend as his 1:1 helper.
I'm sorry that the school are being unsupportive at such a difficult time for you all.

Their first priority has to be safety, of your DS and the other students on the trip. It is unreasonable of anyone to expect a student with a recent history of disregarding instructions and walking off (even if he had reasons and even though he came to no harm) to be taken out of school.

Very sorry for your recent loss.

It is strange how EBD schools manage to take their pupils on school trips despite their challenging behaviour yet mainstream schools default option is to just ban. Oh and I know people will argue lack of staff but given the OP has volunteered to her accompany her ds not a valid reason in this case.

OneInEight: They are still responsible for him whether the OP is there or not. If he ran off and got hurt they might be liable, because their risk assessment is that he shouldn't go.

So as I said how can EBD schools manage it Trifle then? After all they have to cope with not one child with challenging behaviour but several. Plain and simple it is down to attitude and being prepared to put in the support that the child needs. ds1 was banned from several trips in his mainstream school but has managed all sorts of trips ranging from theatre trips, museums, cycle rides and even overnight camping trips in his specialist school.

C'mon OneinEight, that's not a fair comparison. The ratios are higher, the staff have specific SN training, they have restraint training which they can and will use if necessary, the list goes on. The whole reason the kids are at those schools is because they don't cope in a MS environment.

DD1 is almost completely independent at SS and is one of their star pupils. Even now she'd need complete 1:1 at MS and they'd tear their hair out. It's just the way it is.

OneInEight: I can't really comment as I don't work in one but I imagine it is to do with training, staff ratios, choosing trips that can accommodate children with particular needs. This isn't about that. This is about a mainstream school having conducted their risk assessment and having decided he is a flight risk. They can't take him.

Thanks for all your replies. I've been dealing with a sad boy who is even more anti school as he feels punished. I have explained that school need to know they can keep him safe yadda yadda yadda. However, and I'm (secretly) inclined to agree with him that as he didn't actually attempt to leave the school, he feels that he is being treated unfairly. He already feels injustice keenly, either towards him or to others. The school have actually made the situation with him feeling valued at school much, much worse.
I am going to attempt to send him today but i fully expect a call from the Head saying they have had another "incident ". He is unhappy and no longer sees the point of doing his best as the smallest transgression gets a heavy handed consequence. And i don't mean wandering round school, i mean the making his page into a telescope kind of thing. I feel as if he is being set up to fail.
He is on the waiting list for other local schools but as there has been such a huge exodus from his current one, there is a lot of pressure on the surrounding primaries. His class lost a third of its pupils in the 12 months following Head's appointment. Other classes have similar figures. Over 80% of staff have also left. We now have mainly NQTs who are not all that experienced and are the only ones willing to desl with Head's leadership methods. I am not disparaging NQTs at all, just pointing out that the wealth of experience from long serving staff has vanished and it is to thr childrens'detriment.
I will write a letter to head and cc to Governors over DS being banned from trip. I think that an arrangement could have been made with me going, given that he did not attempt to leave school, just said he wanted to. I have been concerned over prejudicial treatment of my son for some time now and this is the icing on the cake. When I'm told my son can't go as they have 75 children going to an inside and outside venue and several of those children need keeping an eye on therefore DS can't go too, i feel angry that DS is sidelined yet again. Their staffing issues should not have a negative impact on his learning experience. He wasn't a flight risk, otherwise he would have left through the open door. I'm dreading handling this morning. He is going to be angry and feel rejected when the trip is discussed in school and however much i talk to him about it, i know his heart hurts. He is now more likely to act out his feelings. Yep, self fulfilling prophecy. His potential behaviour today is only going to likely reinforce the school's stance but he doesn't see the world in the same way.
I wish the school would try to support him more. Perhaps if his right choices and excellent classwork and friendliness were Acknowledged And validated he might not feel the need to retaliate when pushed/kicked by other children or disrupt the class to be the comedian. It's Child Behaviour 101 isn't it?

Again thank you for all the replies. to all who have similar experiences.

Sorry for the long post. DS woke me after another 3am nightmare (4th in a row ) and i couldn't go back to sleep.
At least i was up in time to fill their Saint Nick plates with chocolate. Phew.

Gosh. Could you give home education another go do you reckon. Kids know when they are not being treated fairly. Your little boy does not need this.

Let's say they took him. And he decided quite calmly, like he was in school, that he wanted to go somewhere else and slipped off in the crowd...Maybe he says he needs to go to the toilet, like he did in school, but then disappeared off on a whim.

The very first port of call after the incident would be that the risk assessment would be looked at to see what had been put in place to avoid this happening. If the school knew there was an issue with him disobeying (while not in a rage) and absenting himself and that he had talked about "escaping" just 2 days before then they would be negligent in taking him and leaving themselves open to a huge amount of trouble.

I can see he is having a tough time at the moment, and that the behaviour he is displaying could well be due to this. However, unfortunately schools have to be hyper vigilant to known risks.

Regarding taking you on the trip as well. I'm not sure exactly how this works at primary. I know at secondary we don't do it - the parent would have to have an enhanced DBS issued from the school (they are not transferable across different institutions) and these can take weeks to come through. Also there is very often no space in the bus and only a certain number of tickets etc bought in advance.