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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've just had to cancel my graduation because my Family cant be bothered to come

53 replies

user1480861585 · 04/12/2016 14:40

I didn't go to my undergrad graduation as I wasn't that bothered about my degree. This time it means the world to me. I have qualified with a Masters in Social Work with a very good grade and considering the very difficult few years I've had I am proud of qualifying.

I have ordered my gown, had my hair and nails done and outfit bought. I'm currently on income support (fingers crossed I will have a job in my field soon) so this was money I've had to save for.

My best friend can't get the day off work, my Brother is working too, my Mum says it's 'not her thing' and my Dad has said he has a cold so doesn't feel up to the day.

They both went to my Brother's graduation but that was in our Hometown and I think it's the travelling (2 hours each way) that they can't be bothered with.

There's no one else I can go with so I'm not going to go as the whole point is to share the day with family and also, I'd feel like a right idiot alone. I'd rather not go at all. But I'm absolutely gutted they couldn't be bothered to plan my graduation in advance and make the effort to come. AIBU?

They've known about the date of my graduation for around 8 weeks.

OP posts:
Lola216 · 04/12/2016 15:07

If I was you I would go anyway, I had a friend who did not go to her graduation for the same reason and bitterly regrets it. Not everyone goes with some one arrange to meets up with someone after for dinner or drinks. Congratulations by the way Flowers

StrangeLookingParasite · 04/12/2016 15:09

'not her thing' jeez, don't put yourself out... Piss on them for being such a stack of wet blankets.
And well done you, congratulations!

Thinnestofthinice · 04/12/2016 15:11

Well done- please go xx

Halloweensnake · 04/12/2016 15:15

You must go,you absolutely must go...you won't be the only one alone

clarr · 04/12/2016 15:19

I graduated recently - I didn't even know where my family were in the audience, I didn't know any other students who were graduating and most people around me didn't either. You are seated away from guests for the whole ceremony and they aren't allowed to where you get your gown on. So nobody will notice if you are alone, and strutting across that stage is fabulous! You should go!

WeAllHaveWings · 04/12/2016 15:19

To be honest I found my graduation day boring as hell, but my mum and dad lived it.

if ds(12) ever graduates I will be there to see him, and will be one of many the proudest mum in the room.

Congratulations on your Masters, and sorry your mum and dad have let you down. Do they know how much it means to you? (Not that you should have to tell them!)

Original poster
user1480861585 · 04/12/2016 15:19

I was planning to go to the Summer ceremony instead. My best friend (who is amazing) would definitely be able to go as he would have time to get the time off work.

Also my Dad probably would come then. Obviously I couldn't bank on it but that's my plan for now.

OP posts:
ZoFloMoFo · 04/12/2016 15:19

Having cancelled your first graduation because you weren't that bothered, I can perhaps see that your parents don't realise how important this one is to you.

I think you should still go anyway, it's not too late to in-cancel it.

Mellowautumn · 04/12/2016 15:23

Unfortunately cancel it - what date is it ?? I'll bloody come

queenofthebucket · 04/12/2016 15:23

Please go, its your chance to recognise your achievement even though its a bit of a performance.

As you have the chance to go in the summer then stick with that if it suits you, but even if your friend and dad drop out go anyway.

HeirOfNothingInParticular · 04/12/2016 15:24

I'll go with you, I'm nearby. Well done

Original poster
user1480861585 · 04/12/2016 15:25

They definitely know how much this degree means to me. I only did my undergrad as I didn't know what else to do and wanted to experience student life.

This was always what I wanted to do and I've faced a lot of hurdles. I told them about the graduation and had arranged everything.

I'm still going to go in the Summer, just gutted I've paid out for everything unnecessarily.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1480861585 · 04/12/2016 15:26

Everyone is so kind offering to come along. I think I will leave it until the Summer though. It's on Thursday.

OP posts:
londonrach · 04/12/2016 15:31

Phone them up. You have to go and congratulations x

Jaxhog · 04/12/2016 15:32

Please, please, please go in the summer. You've worked so hard for this. You will regret it if you don't go.

If your family and friends still won't go with you, I'm sure some of us from MumsNet will come and cheer you on. BTW, I can't believe your Mum's attitude. It may not be her thing, but it isn't about her, it's about you.

Guitargirl · 04/12/2016 15:49

Congratulations on your Master's. Flowers

I can see how hurtful it is that your family are not making the effort. Graduation ceremonies are funny old things - very important to some and not to others. When I graduated from my Master's a tiny percentage of my co-students attended the ceremony, but lots came to the pub afterwards. It was almost like a badge of honour to consider oneself 'too cool' to graduate Confused.

I wasn't keen at all to attend the graduation after PhD but I sort of wanted to do it for my parents. I quickly then realised that it was actually a bit of a trial for them and they thought I was only taking part in the ceremony for my kids Confused Confused.

Anyway, the ceremony is clearly important to you. I would definitely arrange to go to the summer one, much nicer time for a ceremony anyway Smile and maybe if you point out to your family how important this is to you, how it marks everything you have achieved then they will realise how hurtful they have been.

EsmeCordelia · 04/12/2016 15:58

I went to mine on my own. My parents would have come (despite a long flight to get there) but they didn't approve of my then boyfrind and he wanted to come. We had a row that morning and he refused to come so I went alone and heartbroken and a right misery guts. I was very glad I did, another girls father was a single dad and an amazing parent and adopted me for the ceremony making a fuss and taking pictures. He probably made all the difference to my enjoyment of the day but to be honest I don't even remember much of it (which means it wasnt that traumatic) but I am glad I gave it a shot because I haven't had another graduation since! I recommend going and congratulating yourself, you've done an amazing job of getting yourself to where you are now!

MudCity · 04/12/2016 15:59

Goodness me. You must go. If not now, go in the summer. But do go.

Many congratulations on your fantastic achievement and I hope you find the job you want soon.

Shiningexample · 04/12/2016 16:02

'not her thing'??
what, supporting and congratulating her daughter, recognising her daughter's hard work and achievement isnt her thing Hmm

Charlesroi · 04/12/2016 16:10

Try asking the gown rental company to transfer the hire to the summer. They don't have to but they might oblige ...

grannytomine · 04/12/2016 16:38

I've gone as a stand in "mum" for someone who worked for me. We had a great day. Manchester is a bit far for me but I am sure there are people on here he would love to celebrate with you.

Don't miss it, give them a ring to cancel the cancellation, get a lovely photo and to hell with them.

grannytomine · 04/12/2016 16:44

I hadn't seen that you are going in the summer. That might be good, you will probably have a job and more money and have a lovely day.

Hopefully the hair do, the manicure and new outfit will be useful for interviews, a smart new you looking every inch the successful professional woman you are.

Good luck with the job hunt and hope they all get themselves sorted for the summer.

Castelnaumansions · 04/12/2016 17:33

Congratulations user1480861585. I agree with Monkeyface26, : do this for yourself. There are a lot of us about with these sort of families; we have to be self reliant. You're a star. Flowers Let us know how it goes!

hazell42 · 04/12/2016 23:19

Really sorry for you. I know exactly how you feel. I passed my BSc and PGCE in the same week but didn't go to either graduation because the only thing my husband said when he found out I passed was 'And how much is that going to cost me.' Took the bloom right off it.
At the time I had four jobs and he had none. I'm not married anymore. Can't think why.

BasicMadeira · 04/12/2016 23:36

YANBU your parents are pathetic even though it's not their thing or they have a cold (unless as well as a serious underlying illness) is not a reasonable excuse for an adult to make for a special occasion they should turn up and celebrate something important to you. Doesn't matter what it is if it is important to you they should make some effort. Pathetic all round. I excuse the best friend and brother as they are in a slightly different position and relationship to you.

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