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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've just had to cancel my graduation because my Family cant be bothered to come

53 replies

user1480861585 · 04/12/2016 14:40

I didn't go to my undergrad graduation as I wasn't that bothered about my degree. This time it means the world to me. I have qualified with a Masters in Social Work with a very good grade and considering the very difficult few years I've had I am proud of qualifying.

I have ordered my gown, had my hair and nails done and outfit bought. I'm currently on income support (fingers crossed I will have a job in my field soon) so this was money I've had to save for.

My best friend can't get the day off work, my Brother is working too, my Mum says it's 'not her thing' and my Dad has said he has a cold so doesn't feel up to the day.

They both went to my Brother's graduation but that was in our Hometown and I think it's the travelling (2 hours each way) that they can't be bothered with.

There's no one else I can go with so I'm not going to go as the whole point is to share the day with family and also, I'd feel like a right idiot alone. I'd rather not go at all. But I'm absolutely gutted they couldn't be bothered to plan my graduation in advance and make the effort to come. AIBU?

They've known about the date of my graduation for around 8 weeks.

OP posts:

user1480182169 · 04/12/2016 14:41

That's not the whole point of graduation. I'd go anyway, fuck them.

gttob · 04/12/2016 14:41

Where is your graduation? I'm south London I would come.

You should be very proud of yourself - well done xxx

schmack · 04/12/2016 14:42

yes go anyway and then treat yourself to a nice lunch. Congratulations and well done!

Wolfiefan · 04/12/2016 14:44

Perhaps if you didn't even go to the last one they think that you can't be that bothered? Go for you. Have a great day.

SleepFreeZone · 04/12/2016 14:45

Oh god please go and celebrate anyway. Are you not friendly with any of your fellow graduated?

clippityclop · 04/12/2016 14:45

What? Of course you must go! Meet up with your fellow students, you may be surprised to find you're not the only one without family there. Have a great lunch to celebrate. Congratulations!

Arfarfanarf · 04/12/2016 14:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JennyWoodentop · 04/12/2016 14:47

Go - celebrate your achievement,

Get the official photo framed for everyone's Christmas present........or maybe not !

Itscliffmas · 04/12/2016 14:47

You must go!!
You did this for yourself not your family!

Congratulations on this fantastic achievement

BrillianaHarvey · 04/12/2016 14:47

Congratulations on your degree! You must have worked so hard for this and you deserve a celebration.
It would be such a shame if you missed out on the graduation because your family are being arseholes about it. Is it possible to tell them how much it would mean to you if they were able to make it? Sometimes parents can be weird about supporting adult children because they don't realise how important it still is. And sometimes the reason for the celebration is so alien to them that they don't get that it matters.
Failing that, can you think laterally about alternative people to share the day with? Any friends from your course? Any old family friends who might be able to make it? Could you take your course tutor out for a drink to thank them for their contribution to your success?
It's a great day for you and I so hope we can help you to find a way of marking it.

Manumission · 04/12/2016 14:48

You can't cancel the ceremony!

And it would be silly not to go because of them. Go! Enjoy the moment. A good postgraduate grade deserves to be marked

Scentofwater · 04/12/2016 14:48

Go anyway! You won't be the only one there without family. The graduations I have been to have all had the friends and family sat completely separately to those graduating so during the ceremony no one will even notice.

Congratulations on your masters!

IfartInYourGeneralDirection · 04/12/2016 14:48

Get the official photo framed for everyone's Christmas present.

This^^

Original poster

user1480861585 · 04/12/2016 14:52

Honestly, I'm not going to go alone. I just wouldn't enjoy it. I've already sent the cancellation email anyway now. I'm just gutted. :-(

OP posts:

Pestilence13610 · 04/12/2016 14:53

Well done
Go, enjoy and appy for loads of jobs well away from your family.
This is the start of new you you are dead right for it to mean the world to you. Unfortunately you can not make it mean the world to everyone.

Original poster

user1480861585 · 04/12/2016 14:53

If it was with my course friends it might have been different but I graduated after everyone else so I won't know a single person graduating. Literally not a single person there. I wouldn't enjoy it.

OP posts:

Pestilence13610 · 04/12/2016 14:54

I'm sure someone on here will volunteer to be your foster parent for the day.
Can you say roughly where you are based?

Original poster

user1480861585 · 04/12/2016 14:55

My graduation is in Manchester. But I've cancelled now and I think it would be too late to un cancel.

OP posts:

ChocolatyClair · 04/12/2016 14:55

Congratulations on your Masters! Of course you should go to your graduation - no one will notice you don't have family with you. Enjoy your day, get your photo taken and celebrate what you've achieved!

HarrietVane99 · 04/12/2016 14:57

Congratulations on your degree. I think you should certainly go, to have the experience of dressing up in your gown and going up on the stage. I had family at my postgrad ceremonies, but it would still have meant a lot to me even if I hadn't.

Are there many mature students on your course? If so, you might find there are others whose family can't be there due to work or other commitments.

Does your department put on drinks and nibbles for graduates and their friends after the ceremony? You can celebrate there with people who understand your achievement, and might find some who want to go on to the pub or for a meal.

PuppetInParadize · 04/12/2016 15:00

How disappointing for you, especially with such a good grade. But well done on the success. I'd be tempted to tell them all how upset you feel, but that's just me and I'm in a funny mood!

Sweetandsour93 · 04/12/2016 15:00

I'm sorry to hear about your family, most of mine couldn't be bothered about my achievements either. I only had my mum at my undergrad degree ceremony. It's shit when you see the other families who are all close and immensely proud. I would happily come if you're in midlands area.

As you understandably don't want to go alone perhaps you could do something else that day.
Perhaps a nice day out in a different city, switch your phone off and enjoy the sights, go in some good cafes and shops. Do the things you want to do.
Regardless of the ceremony, you should be very proud of yourself
Well done!

Libitina · 04/12/2016 15:00

Ring them tomorrow and ask if you can uncancel. I doubt it would be a problem.
You deserve to go after all your hard work and bollocks to what anyone else thinks.

Oh, and I agree with JennyWoodentop, send them a photo for xmas!

Monkeyface26 · 04/12/2016 15:02

You must have been very resourceful and strong to get this far and you will have to continue to be self-reliant and tough as you embark on a career in social work.
It's hurtful and disappointing to be let down in this way but you are easily up to the job of going on your own if you want to.
Social workers are heroic. You may be about to spend your days helping young people overcome their feelings about their disappointing (& worse) families. Do this for yourself.

SparklyTwinkleGlitter · 04/12/2016 15:06

I'm sure it's not too late!
I used to be responsible for graduation ceremonies at a redbrick Institution down south. I'd still have squeezed you in if you'd turned up on the day even if we weren't expecting you. It's what we do to ensure our graduates have a happy memorable experience.

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