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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think back the hell off!

38 replies

PirateFairy45 · 04/12/2016 09:05

I've been up since 5:30am with my DD and his highness has only just got up. Literally 5 mins ago.

I tell him me and DD are going to his sisters in another city. He's at work today 10-4 so is not coming with us.

He kept asking me what time I'll be back, I told him I don't know what time I'm going yet, so no idea when I'll get back. He kept asking. I told him to stop asking as I don't know yet but will be back in time for making Sunday roast dinner. And I got "Good".

Then he asked me again what time I'm going, and what time I'll get back. I said "for the 4th time, I DONT know!!"

Then he got pissy with me, saying "why are you making me out to be horrible because I want to know what time you will be home, all I want to know is where my wife and daughter will be and a rough time of you getting home!"

Fucking seriously? How am I supposed to know what time I'll get back if I have no idea what time I'm even setting off yet?!?!

Seriously, AIBU here?

OP posts:
Scooby20 · 04/12/2016 09:07

Sounds like he is just wanting to make sure his dinner is ready on time.

Yanbu

sooperdooper · 04/12/2016 09:09

Why the hell does it matter if he's at work anyway?? Confused

DesolateWaist · 04/12/2016 09:11

He starts work at 10 and he's only just got up at 9?

He sounds like a pain. An answer of 'we should be back before you come home' should be plenty of information.

Maverickismywingman · 04/12/2016 09:13

You're out for the day and you'll be back when you're back.

It would only be relevant for him to know if HE was going to be making the Sunday dinner.

....maybe he's wanting to know so he do sneaky Christmas shopping?

Unwrapped · 04/12/2016 09:16

I don't understand why you couldn't just give him an approx time you'll be home?
Maybe it affects what time he'll leave work/schedule meetings/have lunch? Maybe he plans to finish early or wants to schedule a delivery?

DH and I always give each other an approx time and location, especially when taking DC somewhere.

littletike · 04/12/2016 09:17

My DP is like this - drives me mad. And God forbid I don't know the time I'm going to come home when I go out with the girls!

TataEs · 04/12/2016 09:23

my answer is always 'before bed time'

is he weird about other things... my ex used to do this. if i was out later than him he'd use the time to sleep with his co workers, getting back just in time to switch on fifa and make out he'd been there all along.

he was controlling and generally crappy in many ways tho. this wasn't the only thing.

suchafuss · 04/12/2016 09:24

Yep another one with a DH who always asks me this. I am not answerable to him and will be back a whatever time I choose!

Original poster
PirateFairy45 · 04/12/2016 09:25

Unwrapped - how am I supposed to give an approx time when I don't know at all yet. It may be 12. It may be 6. I don't know till I set off.

OP posts:
SmallBee · 04/12/2016 09:27

When I ask my DH this it's because I am trying to plan my own day and I'll be doing it differently if he is around. So if he is coming back at 5 I know not to start watching a film at 4pm or something. Could it just be this sort of thing?

HermioneJeanGranger · 04/12/2016 09:28

Just tell him you'll text him when you leave.

user1471545174 · 04/12/2016 09:29

YABU, it's a reasonable question, no point in making an issue out of it.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 04/12/2016 09:35

If your own day depends on what someone else is doing then you need to be clear that is why you are asking.

If the answer is I do not know then badgering is not usually going to change that

MardyGrave · 04/12/2016 09:38

I dont understand why you would want to be out until 6 on a Sunday when your husband is working, if he will be home for 4ish and able to spend a few hours with his daughter and family. If he's coming home to an empty house he might as well make other plans.

You sound quite antagonistic really in your communication, it's regular conversation to have with your spouse.

youarenotkiddingme · 04/12/2016 09:39

I can see both sides of this and see why you feel you shouldn't have to give him a time.

However. I have families members the same. They like to advertise how chilled out they are and go with the flow. If someone asks what time we are leaving for something it's all "oh we aren't sure yet. We don't do plans. We are so chilled out" then can't understand why at 9am you aren't ready to catch the 9.10am bus! Or if you decide to nip to park with excited DC whilst you hang around they get arsey that what if they want to leave when you're out.

It's polite when in a family to give a rough idea or at least ask him if there is a reason why you'd need to be back at a certain time.

But then again I can't understand why at 9.30am you have no idea if you are going to his sisters in 20 minutes or 3 hours.

PaulDacresConscience · 04/12/2016 09:43

YANBU on the basis that it sounds like there are other issues here. You referred to him as 'His highness' in your OP, which sounds as if there is some resentment. Are you the one who is routinely up in the small hours with your DD or does he pull his weight in this area?

User - it is a reasonable question, but it becomes unreasonable when you ask it 4 times despite having already received an answer. OP is an adult and she doesn't have to account for her whereabouts on an hourly basis. She's going out for the day and told her H where she'll be; so what's the issue?

clare2307 · 04/12/2016 09:44

I don't think is unreasonable to ask an approx time. You surely must know if you are planning to set of at 10am or 2pm? If he was asking for an exact plan after you giving a rough idea he's be unreasonable but I think an approximation is not too much to ask for.

pictish · 04/12/2016 09:47

I'm amazed that you would travel to another city to visit someone then come home and make a roast dinner!
I know that's besides the point but you must really enjoy cooking. After I've been out and about for the day, the last thing I'm going to do is make a roast.

In other news, I'd be annoyed because he hadn't listened the first time he asked. It's rude to ask someone a question then neglect to listen to the answer. I suspect what he really means by it is, "Am I getting my dinner?" in which case yanbu.

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/12/2016 09:47

Yanbu.

Asking once is fine. It's always nice to have a rough idea so you know if there's a problem or that someone else needs start dinner or walk the dog etc

But constantly asking is a bit weird and sounds like all he cares about is his dinner

diddl · 04/12/2016 09:48

"Sounds like he is just wanting to make sure his dinner is ready on time."

Reads like that to me as well.

He's at work so it doesn't really matter, what time you leave, does it?

Presumably though if you/your daughter want some time with him you'll be planning to get back at about the same time as him?

Why don't you get him up though if you're pissed off at having been up so long, or do you also get a lie in?

Notnownornever · 04/12/2016 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NavyandWhite · 04/12/2016 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VintagePerfumista · 04/12/2016 09:59

He's not being U in all fairness. There's a hell of a difference between 12 and 6!

He sounds a grumpy arse, but so do you!

tiej · 04/12/2016 10:17

You sound as though his extra three and a half hours sleep as pissed you off.

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose · 04/12/2016 10:19

Yanbu and I am irritated on your behalf.

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