AIBU to think my DS is over punctuating? His teacher thinks not...

[schoolworkadviceds]

This was his work.

"We left, to go to Thorpe Park, at 10 am. It was really fun, but very cold. Although it was cold, I didn't want to wear a jacket (it would have gotten in the way) but my mum kept nagging me. It was a bright, green one, though, how awful is that?"

It was written a couple of months ago.

His teacher says it was 'perfect'. It isn't though, is it? I'm obviously not going to say anything to DS. I am genuinely curious for myself! As I do often try and correct him with punctuation and I'm probably correcting him wrong!

He is over punctuating and it's not perfect, but it shows he has infact put some thought into the positioning of the commas! By that, I mean, I can see why he has put each one where it is (interjections, describing words etc).
I think that's well thought out for a 9 yr old

Also depends on what the learning objective was for that piece of work if it was to retell an event then that was perfect - in those cases other aspects of writing aren't focussed on as children can't think of all the aspects at the same time

, to go to Thorpe Park,

I would take out these two commas. Otherwise, I think the punctuation is accurate. Also, "gotten" isn't a word.

More style than grammer. Style will develop over time, It's like when they first discover adjectives and adverbs though, isn't it? They stick the damn things in every until they develop their own writing style.

Eg Mary laughed happily when she saw the beautiful, enchanting snow flakes falling slowly from the dark mysterious sky. She pulled her thick, cosy wool coat tighter around her and walked carefully along the icy, slippery path watching the magical flakes drift down around her.

(Courtesy of dn, 9)

Thanks for sharing the jacket. I rather like it.

The punctuation is strictly speaking correct but feels excessive. He'll lighten up as he gets more accomplished at writing though so I wouldn't worry.

A comma before 'but' can be used if the clause after 'but' is an independent clause.

And in the sentence with the parenthetical, it is an independent clause. Most style manuals in the US prescribe a comma in this situation unless the clauses are very short.

And of course "gotten" is a word. As others have pointed out, it's an older form that fell out of use in the UK but that has survived in the US. Perhaps it is making a comeback in the UK.

I can forgive everything except "gotten"

What about the expression "ill-gotten gains"? Is that not used in British English?

For me, the parenthetical part of the sentence doesn't need to be parenthetical - it conveys the same meaning exactly without the commas. But these things are subjective

Was the coat bright green? Or was it bright and green?

I like the word 'gotten' but I'm old-fashioned.

The current National Curriculum for English is focusing massively on grammar. If he's 9 he will be learning about commas to separate items in a list, for separating adjectives, after fronted adverbials, with subordinate clauses, after conjunctions, between main clauses and before question tags. He will also be learning about dashes and brackets for parenthesis.

His teacher may not have been taught grammar herself, depending how old she is and where she went to school.

She should have picked up on the comma splice (though, how awful is that?) and the fact she didn't wouldn't fill me with confidence.

(I am an editor currently working on a series of grammar books for primary children.)

'Gotten' isn't UK English in this context. America may have hung on to it, we've moved on!

Great writing for a 9 year old though!

I think the American are sensible to hold onto "gotten." Apparently it can be used to convey a different meaning to "got."

As past participles of get, got and gotten both date back to Middle English. The form gotten is not used in British English but is very common in North American English. In North American English, got and gotten are not identical in use. Gotten usually implies the process of obtaining something, as in he had gotten us tickets for the show, while got implies the state of possession or ownership, as in I haven't got any money

en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/gotten

Our year 5's have been learning subordinate clauses, adverbial phrases, oppositional and additional conjunctions and goodness knows what else. The problem then is that they all try to use everything in their writing and sometimes it can seem overpunctuated. It tends to settle down though once they are more comfortable with each 'skill'and they begin to see that sometimes, less is more.

It depends if the purpose of the piece was to use subordinate clauses and comments. Sometimes it is. Those commas are all acceptable, but not usually all in the same paragraph.

Each sentence stands alone, and even the bright, green, coat can be seen as correct if the coat was both bright and green.

he will be learning about commas to separate items in a list

I'll bet the OP's son will love the Oxford comma, as do I.

I'll bet the OP's son will love the Oxford comma, as do I.

And the Oxford comma is absolutely fine! Both in the USA and here - but I prefer not to use one, unless it clarifies a sentence (such as 'I love my parents, Lady Gaga and Humpty Dumpty'. If your parents are not Lady Gaga and Humpty, then you should use an Oxford commas here: 'I love my parents, Lady Gaga, and Humpty Dumpty'.)

Agree with smelly. We teach fronted adverbial, subordinate clauses inc. relative clauses and drop in clauses. My class have commas coming out of their ears but should Ofsted come or we are moderated after Y6 Sats we need to show that the children have been taught these grammar parts and are using them often. Children must use a wide variety of sentence structures at all times. But I agree that it is over-punctuated - it looks like most of the English books I marked this afternoon!

Ps I don't agree with it, I just have to teach it!

I think the Oxford comma is elegant. Most style manuals I work with in the States prescribe it. I like not having to think about Lady Gaga and Humpty Dumpty, or in my favorite example, Sinead O'Connor and the Pope.

Yes, overpunctuated. I've noticed many teachers have questionable grammar and spelling skills, so I'm not surprised it hasn't been picked up. The headteacher of my son's (rated outstanding) school used to send out newsletters littered with clangers that made my eyes almost bleed.

Yes, I'm sure the Head typed up his/her own emails rather than the PA doing it

She should have bloody well proof read them though! Creates a very poor impression.
FWIW her (and various form teachers') comments on the school Facebook page, which I presume they did type themselves were pretty dreadful, i.e. "here here" instead of "hear hear", "on root" instead of "en route" etc.

honeylulu: I think the head of a school is busy enough without having to proof read letters home to parents, frankly.

Nothing wrong with 'gotten'. The comma after 'bright' is the only wrong on Some of the others are unnecessary, but they're not wrong. I wonder if he was trying to make clear that he meant bright and green rather than bright green?