AIBU to think my DS is over punctuating? His teacher thinks not...

[schoolworkadviceds]

This was his work.

"We left, to go to Thorpe Park, at 10 am. It was really fun, but very cold. Although it was cold, I didn't want to wear a jacket (it would have gotten in the way) but my mum kept nagging me. It was a bright, green one, though, how awful is that?"

It was written a couple of months ago.

His teacher says it was 'perfect'. It isn't though, is it? I'm obviously not going to say anything to DS. I am genuinely curious for myself! As I do often try and correct him with punctuation and I'm probably correcting him wrong!

It's not perfect, his teacher is daft!

Acceptable punctuation is:

"We left to go to Thorpe Park at 10 am. It was really fun, but very cold. Although it was cold, I didn't want to wear a jacket (it would have gotten in the way) but my mum kept nagging me. It was a bright green one, though. How awful is that?"

The comma in "bright green" being considered OK is what got me most. "Bright green" is a singular description, and does not need breaking up!

The "though" is an interjection, isn't it? Doesn't one typically put an interjection between parenthetical (

I also agree with semideponent, except that I would put a comma after the parenthetical. The sentence is compound, with "but" its coordinating conjunction.

And being American, I have no issue with "gotten."

I think it depends on whether the piece is intended to be read, or read aloud.

Specifically (and we are being specific, it seems!) the semicolon is required before 'how awful is that?' only if the writer is intending to narrate.

As the whole piece is a narrative, the semicolon is unnecessary.

Semi has it.

I'd forgotten all the stuff pps have have said, but really enjoyed trying to keep up!

Almost exactly what Semideponent said; I agree with Seneca and others that there should be a comma before 'but'.

YYY to TheChristmasCardy too.

I don't think it makes any difference whether the piece is intended for reading aloud or not.

"DailyMailSucksAss

Ok then it should have been pointed out. Contact teacher?"

The word "gotten" is an older form of English which having been taken to the New World, is still in use there today.
How hilarious is that? The teacher was quite right not to correct it.

"MommaGee

Can you get him to read his writing put loud, pausing at comma's? Might help him to see where they go and when he's using them superfluously"

The word "commas" is plural and does not take an apostrophe.

I think it's OK. Both the commas in the first sentence are unnecessary, as is the one before "though", but the others do have function even if they don't represent quite what your DS wanted to express. "Bright, green" and "bright green" have different meanings - the former means "bright as well as green" and the latter "a bright shade of green".

I would be pleased if my DCs wrote that well at 9.

"Gotten" is a perfectly common word in NZ.

First sentence doesn't need commas as it uses prepositions, not conjunctions.

Comma between bright and green is unnecessary - colour is 'bright green' unless he is trying to say, separately, the jacket is both bright and green. Seems unlikely.

Yes, he over-punctuates.

What was the exercise they were doing?

DS2 had some work sent home once when he was in primary because he had put so many unnecessary commas, the exercise it was written for was using commas in paragraphs. He knew some of them didn't need to be there but he did it just so he'd have a at least a few in the right place.

Amazing when he rewrote it he got it perfect first time without any help.

"We left to go to Thorpe Park at 10 am. It was really fun but very cold. Although it was cold, I didn't want to wear a jacket (it would have gotten in the way) but my mum kept nagging me. It was a bright green one though. How awful is that?"

What was the learning objective for the lesson?

For nine years old, it's brilliant. The only extra commas are in the last sentence as far as I can see.

But at nine years old, to be picking this apart is ridiculous. He will refine it. He's written well and thought about the punctuation. I wouldn't dent his confidence by applying proofreading skills aimed at professional adults.

Absolutely no comma before "but". "Got" rather than "gotten" in the UK. I would have put a semicolon before "how awful is that?" and of course removed the unnecessary commas as pp have said.

But I am ancient. Unfortunately many teachers now were not taught grammar at school and therefore struggle with it themselves. I was never taught grammar or spelling but I was a bookworm and am also a natural pedant.

A comma before 'but' can be used if the clause after 'but' is an independent clause.

The final sentence is the only one that is actually grammatically incorrect, and even then you can argue that bright and green are separate descriptions in a list. The rest is a question of style. If I were marking it I would delete the comma between bright and green and the one before though, then change the one after though into a semi-colon. There is a danger in over marking - you could put red pen all over this paragraph but for what purpose? The first sentence, for example - there's no need to use the commas but they're not wrong either. I'm quite impressed he can use commas correctly to create a parenthetical insertion. Most of my pupils can't do that and I teach secondary English (but in Scotland where grammar is not emphasised much or at all in the curriculum, alas. Our rule, right up to Higher exams, is that the work must be "understandable at first reading." Can you imagine how bad it has to be before it fails that rule? But I digress.)

Jeez. The child is NINE! He is doing pretty pretty well...

What allow and Cara said.

He's nine. To pick this apart is really being over-critical.

Oh he is doing really well! No doubt about that. But if he wants to do even better he should lose the extraneous commas

He sounds really bright though.

Could it also be
'It was a bright green one though - how awful is that?'
I think that's what I'd naturally put, rather than a semi colon?

LucyBabs do we? I've never heard that, but then again I am from NI-is it a "down South" thing?

I agree that there's not much wrong with it grammatically, but stylistically there are too many commas. So, great that your son's got the knack of what a comma's for. Now he'll need to learn how to consider the whole piece of writing. But great work so far!

(For me, the worst mistake is the final comma splice. "How awful is that?" is a sentence on it's own and demands a capital letter (or a semi-colon, though that's become increasingly archaic in contemporary English.)

Am I the only one who wants a picture of the jacket?

Here it really isn't that awful