Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

sex etiquette 2 (different op)

89 replies

witchofzog · 03/12/2016 19:33

Following on from the sex etiquette thread aibu to ask how many people feel like this. I was in a conversation with 3 friends this week. 2 don't have kids yet but planning to ttc soon, the other is a single mum to a 10 year old dd.

They all unanimously agreed that it is wrong to have sex when a dc is in the house. Even if that dc is a baby or fast asleep. One of the pre dc women said she would never consider it and that is what grandparent babysitting duty is for. The other said she would wait forever than taint the house while a dc was asleep. The single mum said she and her ex dh never did it when their dd was there though their dd tended to go to her parents most weekends

I was left feeling like a pervert because if the dc are asleep in another room I don't get why not. Wtf. Surely there can't be many people who feel like them?

OP posts:

MrsKoala · 03/12/2016 20:30

I don't think we have have had much sex with dc in the house (we have had more when they are not in the house or with us). Not really by design we just are tired and can't get into it knowing the dc are there, or have had circumstances where it has been impossible to get privacy (when fil lived with us for 6 months). The dc are 4, 2 and 6wks. I'm sure it will change as they get older tho.

MrsKoala · 03/12/2016 20:33

Depends on the kind of sex you like tho too tho doesn't it. Some sex is not possible if the dc are about and if you aren't bothered about other kinds then you wouldn't bother till you could do it the way you liked.

OohMavis · 03/12/2016 20:34

I don't think your friends are bonkers, I think they're bullshitters!

timelytess · 03/12/2016 20:36

OP, your friends are barking. People have had sex with children not far distant from time immemorial and children have survived.

mygorgeousmilo · 03/12/2016 20:36

Due to uninterested parents on both sides, my kids have barely been away from us apart from to school and their activities, which one of us always taking them to - eldest would have been an only child. How bizarrely prudish and weird! Our only 'policy' is one of us runs up to check they're all snoring first... this is so funny

Bananabread123 · 03/12/2016 20:38

one of the most bonkers things I've ever heard!

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 03/12/2016 20:41

Bloody hell. We even have been known to have it off in a caravan, with our teenage son in the next room... quietly of course but still needs must.

LuluJakey1 · 03/12/2016 20:45

Why would they not? Our DS (2yrs) has his own room. What is the issue with having sex?

Cel982 · 03/12/2016 20:46

People say all sorts of shit before they've actually had kids. I know I did.

Your friends are completely nuts, and definitely not representative of the general population. I'm another who's had sex with the baby asleep in the same room, I don't see any problem with it as long as they're sound asleep and oblivious.

Justaboy · 03/12/2016 20:48

I was wondering how a hundred years ago when many poor families all lived in one room they managed to have families of five or six children.

Err yes, must have been rather quiet or have given the nippers a shot of brandy to make them sleep well;!

StillRabbit · 03/12/2016 21:00

The first time we had a night with no children in the house was when DD was 16 and DS was 11! Then only because DS was on a school residential and we left DD home alone and had our first night away on our own since she was born. We would never even have had DS under your friends' rules!

Purplebluebird · 03/12/2016 21:01

Hahaha, what?! I would never have had sex then, in the past 2,5 years since my little one was born, since he's never spent a night away. Crazy folks, crazy.

birdybirdywoofwoof · 03/12/2016 21:05

They're very unusual. How old are they? How do you know them? To know three people with such conservative attitudes is...unusual.

Original poster

witchofzog · 03/12/2016 21:09

Unanimous then thank goodness 😊 It's not a cultural thing. They are all white British not really any religion like me. Nor were they winding me up sadly though I wish they had been. They were all so shocked that I did it all through ds's life with him in the house. They said they would not be able to relax if they had a child in the house and just feel sex is wrong when they are there. I agree it is very unhealthy and I hope at least one will change their minds once they have dc's as it is so normal and definitely not pervy like they feel it is

OP posts:

Original poster

witchofzog · 03/12/2016 21:10

birdy they are early thirties all three

OP posts:

Kel1234 · 03/12/2016 21:11

I don't agree personally. We have one dc, and he still sleeps in our room even though he is 15 months. We have the room to move him, but don't know want to. We still have sex the with lo in the room. No problem.

Maverickismywingman · 03/12/2016 21:14

I reckon they only said that because they were in company because that's what they THOUGHT was the correct response.

Sex is a normal part of a healthy relationship and showing kids good attitudes to love and sex is what responsible adults must do. Obviously be discreet though.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 03/12/2016 21:15

I haven't read anything other than the OP.

And that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard, they're not really that prim are they?!

WankingMonkey · 03/12/2016 21:25

We don't have sex when the kids are awake. or at least when we know they are awake..on a morning sometimes they get up and play in their rooms without making much noise so I expect there might have been some time when they were awake but quiet.

Can't imagine only ever having sex when someones babysitting. They only stay with someone else maybe once every few months. Except for a week in march when we go away on holiday and they stay with their grandad. I guess we could just have nonestop sex during that week but that wouldn't be a holiday IMO

WankingMonkey · 03/12/2016 21:26

Oh, I guess during school hours too...but that time is allocated for cleaning and cooking usually lol

septembersunshine · 03/12/2016 23:34

In real life what they are suggesting doesn't work. If they really thought about it they would laugh at themselves.

MrsKoala · 04/12/2016 00:11

Why doesn't it work september? Surely they just have less sex, why isn't that possible? If they have people to babysit like grandparents. Up to them really isn't it. Some people may just prefer to have less frequent sex and then swing from the chandeliers when they do. I can understand that.

pipsqueak25 · 04/12/2016 00:24

my dh's ggp had, count 'em, 22 dc s !!!! - found them all on the family tree and, not much sex happening obviously

MommaGee · 04/12/2016 00:30

Can't taint the house doing the thing they did to make the baby???

Ds is 18 months old, he sleeps no where else except hospital. By their rules we'd abandon him to the nurses every hospital stay just to have sex!!!!

Could this be the reason your friend is single??

In the room awake - no
In the room asleep - quietly
In another room asleep - why not!

Araminta99 · 04/12/2016 03:57

I don't understand why all three of them would lie about it... they're in their thirties and seem to know what they're saying. Just because someone has a different viewpoint to you doesn't make them crazy or weird. It's probably more of a common attitude than you think!

Flip

1 2 3 4