to find it sick that someone would use the word,,,,,,,,,,

[2shoesmum]

retard on mn???

depends - the british cultural abhorrence does not affect americans.

We've had numerous threads about similar words 2shoes, all which have ended badly.

depends on the context

I agree with Tissy, depending on context it may not be offensive. Chill.

I completely agree that it is offensive when used about a person.
It can be challenged constructively (politely explaining to people why some peope find it particularly hurtful), but not everyone does realise.

watched prison break last night whee they used both retard and handicapped.

But there you go, Clarinsgirl, it's easier for some people to 'chill' around the word than others. people who, for instance, watch thier children with learning disabilities endure bullying of the 'retard' nature may not find that 'chilling' is the whole answer. Sometimes people using these expresions could modify their language and 'chill' about doing that too!

equally, as its not often used and is culturally not the norm in this country i wouldn't have a meltdown every time it's used. rather i would think that on MN it was an american poster. I think most posters are educated enough to realise that being the least bit unpc on this site is tantermount to sticking your head out the window as a HGV comes the other way

well, you'd think so...but apparantly not!

Is anyone advocating meltdowns? Just a polite suggestion that on a site where many people seek support in thier lives with learning disabled children a little tiny bit of tact and sensitivity wouldn't be too hard, would it?

Bullying a child with learning difficulties is not what the OP asked. Clearly this is terrible and completely unacceptable. However, just because a word might be inappropriate in some circumstances, it is not helpful to get in a tissy about its use. Language is rich and varied and we cannot possibly hope that everyone will share our cultural intrepretation of every word. My message simply meant that I think tolerance and understanding are good rules of thumb when it comes to matters which are not cuturally universal.

If the word had been used as an insult to someone with learning difficulties then universally this is unacceptable and the OP would be quite right to be sickened, but that's not what she / he asked.

I hate the word retard

I have a little girl with special needs and I find 'learning difficulties' much more acceptable

(I do understand it is a word that is maybe acceptable in America)

But I think the majority who have a child with learning difficulties would get upset at this word especially when it is being used to bad mouth somebody or call them an idiot

I think maybe it is better not to use the word and then you won't offend anyone

I did read a thread the other day were it was used on Mumsnet and didn't think it should have been used

But luckily most people haven't got a child with learning difficulties and some of those people will continue to use words that will upset others without even thinking for a minute that it isn't a nice word

blu, i down think 'meltdowns' are usually 'advocated' per se? are they?

i think you'll find i am on the whole agreeing with you if you care to re- read.

howeer i am saying that those same people with sensitivity would understand that when on the rare occasion an innappropriate remark is made, it is usually either

a) rash off the cuff and quickly apologised for ( although rarely accepted as the sensitivity that momnet demands it rarely gives)

b) culturally different language connotation

c)ill informed/educated.

i come back to this point. we demand sensitivity from posters yet rarely give them forgiveness or compassion or understanding.

"the sensitivity that momnet demands it rarely gives"

I don't agree with you there, I think that mumsnet gives a tremeendous amount of sensitivity, including long threads of supportive posts for mumsnetters who are having difficult times.

i think people do get it. clearly. it's rare they don't

in real life situations i think most of us would do as you did Fio.

however the OP did not ask about this.

I FAIL to see ANYONE advocating this language.

no one mentioned spaz.

it upsets me that the argument turns into one where some poeples comments arn't valid becuase they haven't got a disabled child.

well i had a disabled child - do i get my golden ticket?

mumsnet speciasl needs segregated itself. which meant that many people dont see, read and be educated about many issues. A decision i was against at the time.

Custy, i'm not actually arguing with you either...honest missus! But I get a bit ooooh, defensive, probably, when the responsibility for language use comes back on the people who are potential 'victims' are the ones expected to make al the allowances in the 'chillin' department. As Clarinsgirl says "My message simply meant that I think tolerance and understanding are good rules of thumb when it comes to matters which are not cuturally universal. " but that works both ways, and once the reason a word is explained as offensive is explained, a little consideration might be given.

Actually, Clarinsgirl, 2Shoes does happen to have a mentally disabled dd who has been bullied, and she is reacting to a couple of instances where the word is being used casually on MN to describe people who should no better....which i do think is as Fio says, akin to using 'spaz' as an insult to footballers who eff-up. (since 'retard' is a slang word for someone with learning disability...it is the same in America, actually, but the etymology seems buried further back since they have been using it in common parlance longer than us)

Custy...it's cropped up a few times recently. I think that is why 2shoes may have brought it up.

dinosmum - thats not in context and diminishes the argument. In point a) you can clearly see where i specified "( although rarely accepted as the sensitivity that moment demands it rarely gives)

And i haven't had a go at anyone...just explained my take on it...hope have not been unforgiving or anyhting like that!

sorry blu, i haven't seen it - i'm sure they were pulled.

Oh, I see, you mean that it's only in the context of not accepting apologies that mumsnet lacks sensitivity.

The only example I can think of is where someone used a foul term without knowing what it meant. When it was explained to her what it meant and how hurtful it was, she did (iirc) apologise and (again, iirc) that apology was accepted. But lots of other people got stuck in on her behalf and had absolutely no intention of apologising for the hurt caused - and that was out of order.

2shoesmum

I have 2 words that belong in the most disgusting, ignorant words ever dictionary and it makes my stomach hurl to say them and they are

Spastic/spaz/spazzer etc
Retard

Then we are agreed Blu. The OP did not give context for the question and now that you have explained, then the use of the word was clearly not appropriate.

rminds me of he vegtabel thread the other day
that all went off ok