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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to find it sick that someone would use the word,,,,,,,,,,

71 replies

2shoesmum · 16/02/2007 12:12

retard on mn???

OP posts:
Dinosmum · 16/02/2007 13:00

I missed that.

Blu · 16/02/2007 13:06

Custy...I don't think you need a child with SN to see that 'retard' is dodgy, do you? I haven't got a child with a learning disability...it's not a hierarchy!

2shoesmum · 16/02/2007 13:14

sorry went of to feed the hordes.
I asked the question as I was annoyed to see the word use.
Ok
but I feel by discussing this kind of thing people get to see both sides and both end up with a better understanding of the othere point of view, I didn't mention the word spaz as I can not emotionly distance myself from that word and I end Up getting upset.
surely though there are some words that should not be used on here.
Custy sn has not been segregated.
and blu lovely post but dd is not mentally disabeld she does have cp and this had led to her having learnig difficulties.

OP posts:
Blu · 16/02/2007 13:18

2Shoes - HUGE apologies. I should have realised. Was not being on the ball about disability / difficulty. sorry.

Tortington · 16/02/2007 13:20

blu, i agree with you again re: hierarchy.

2shoesmum · 16/02/2007 13:21

Blu tis ok. I wasn't sure whether to say anthing or not
On a happy note I think the boy who has been making ds's life a misery is going to get his.
Ds told 2 old mates of his about it (both who know dd) they were not happy...........

OP posts:
Tortington · 16/02/2007 13:21

2shoes, IMO it has been segregated. You have to proactivley opt in to sn discussions

mytwocents · 16/02/2007 13:30

Right on custardo

Jimjams2 · 16/02/2007 13:36

Oh god not the SN has segregated itself discussion again because I have to press an extra button (which then stays pressed permanently so you only have to do it once). It's busier than ever now, so I don't think its affected site traffic.

Retard was used this morning or last night- I complained about the use of the word (after checking whether the poster was likely to be American- seemed British to me).

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 16/02/2007 13:39

I wouldn?t say sick as such, more that it shows a lack of education, and also shows how society has not evolved in such a way as to make such terms unacceptable to the masses.

As time as gone on it has been considered more and more unacceptable to refer to people of ethnic minorities by the derogatory terms that have been applied to them in the past, but this hasn?t followed in terms of the disabled.

But I do think that a lot of that also has to do with the fact that when you refer to someone as a ?retard? you?re not necessarily thinking of a person with learning difficulties, you?re thinking of the term itself, and how you have applied it to the person you are referring to. Also if you?ve had no experience of someone with a learning difficulty, you might not consider it to be a derogatory term, because you might never have experienced someone being offended by it iyswim. E.g. people have referred to others as ?cretins?, little knowing that cretinism is an actual condition caused by a child being born with a thyroid malfunction which causes stunted growth (form of dwarfism), and severe learning difficulties. But that?s not common knowledge, so the uneducated continue to refer to others as cretins, blissfully unaware of the offence they could be causing.

So I think the answer is education.

iratemum · 16/02/2007 13:41

I have to clench my fists and bite my tongue, whenever my friends do the tongue-pushing-the-bottom-lip-out thing. AAAAAGH!

piglit · 16/02/2007 13:42

You have friends who do that?

Good god.

2shoesmum · 16/02/2007 13:43

never knew that about the word "cretin"

OP posts:
Tortington · 16/02/2007 13:45

if its just the button - then why do it at all?

iratemum · 16/02/2007 13:50

Yes - Friends whose mothers would be horrified if they saw it.

Blu · 16/02/2007 13:57

Custy - because then you have it in your consciousness that threads you answer in active convos may well be SN even if they are about food, education etc.

there were cases where people said things which were (probably) unintentionally extremely crass and insensitive because they had not realised the child in question, in the op, had SN.

Twig did an informal survey asking if people 'clocked' the board heading when they clicked on threads in active convos and found that most people did not, in fact, think 'this might be a sn question'. And didn't understand sokme of the original post but persisted regardless, saying some pretty innappropriate stuff. She says, tactfully.

Blu · 16/02/2007 13:59

I agree, by the way, thast 'uninformed' is probably more often true than 'sick'. But wouldn't extend that to the tongue thing. there was a thread about that recently - a MN actually did it to someone, I think....best draw a veil...

doormat · 16/02/2007 14:04

there is around a 1000+ words you could use to insult or call someone without using
names to insulting to people with SN or their families

Dinosmum · 16/02/2007 14:33

That is the thread I was referring to, Blu.

Blu · 16/02/2007 14:45

ahaaa! Dinosmum!

PeachyClairColouredRoses · 16/02/2007 16:59

Hte the use of retard, spaz, having an epi and all those phrases

but basically any phrase that equates sn with some nastiness

SaintGeorge · 16/02/2007 17:03

I find it interesting though that some words do seem to be given, to a degree, more leeway.

Moron for example is just as bad as others mentioned here but it is rare that you see anyone jumped on for using it. Passage of time since it was in regular use for a specific medical condition perhaps?

PeachyClairColouredRoses · 16/02/2007 17:06

I have to say i've never some across it used for a medical condition and didnt get the connotations of it, tbh

SaintGeorge · 16/02/2007 17:26

"Moron (psychology), a psychology-related term for a person with a genetically determined mental age between 8 and 12"

Which is exactly why many words have come into use as insults by people who don't know why, IYSWIM.

SaintGeorge · 16/02/2007 17:27

Sorry, specific medical condition might have been the wrong term for me to use, but it does have a specific medical meaning.